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Confessions of an EW Parent: 'Gossip Girl' edition

Gossipgirl_l Here it is: My teenagers watch Gossip Girl.

Okay, pile it on: I'm a crummy parent. My kids oughta be taken away from me. Yada, yada, yada. I heard it all last year when I wrote about the Gossip Girl paperbacks I found spilling out of my daughter's backpack. I didn't like the books — in fact, they appall me — but I figured she was reading them for the same reasons all of us read dirty books at that age: We learned from them. And yet the absolute amorality of these tales of prep school privilege gave me pause — the rich girls blithely spent money, shoplifted, had sex, did drugs, and viciously torpedoed other girls, all without any comeuppance. (Where, for God's sake, were the parents?)

So is the TV show any worse? Well, for one thing, the sex, though certainly plentiful, isn't as graphic — or so I thought, until I saw ads for the new season. (See page 19 of EW's April 18 issue for an example.) But the very existence of the TV show reinforces the franchise in kids' minds. The show makes the books stronger, and vice versa. I know my informal poll doesn't count for anything, but I certainly see more of the books around than I used to. And how about the fashion? This is high school? These are adolescent girls? Not in my town, and certainly not at my daughters' school. Where we live, girls aren't allowed to dress like they're employees of a strip club. (Pictured: Leighton Meester as Blair.)

I know what you're going to say: Don't let them watch it. But we're looking at colleges already, and that makes them old enough — and mature enough — to make their own decisions. The most I can do, as a parent, is talk to my kids about the show (and the books), and express my problems with Serena, Blair, and crew. And you know what? Since their surly adolescent phase is over, my daughters are willing to have that discussion with me. We've dissected the show twice already, and I'm sure we'll do it again. If the show had been around when I was 17, I probably would've watched it, too. As it was, I had to make do with copies of The Other Side of Midnight and The Happy Hooker.


bella Wed, May 13, 2009 at 08:10 PM EST

ok first of all that photo of Leighton Meester (Blair) is of her swimming and the last time I checked alot of people who don't work at strip joints wear them.
Second of all, in the Upper East Side alot of kids do dress like the kids on the show ( it depends what school your looking at)
and third, i don't understand why parents are making such a fuss about Gossip Girl being inappropriate for teens. I mean seriously, were not stupid were not going to grow up to aspire to be like Blair Waldorf, besides the actresses are good people to look up to in real life. Everybody has someone they admire but there is a time when you separate who your role model is and who you are to make the right desisions in life, and if your kids make the wrong ones thats YOUR fault not Gossip Girl's.

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Cari Sat, Jan 31, 2009 at 02:26 PM EST

I think that most teens can see the difference between TV and reality. It's up to the parents to decide if they think their teen can, and if they trust them. TV shows like this cause many parents to fret and worry, but the sad truth is: teens will always find something inappropriate to read or see. It might as well be something they can openly discuss with their parents, or at least something the parents know they're watching.

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Sun, Aug 3, 2008 at 12:59 AM EST

You are f***ing stupid. F***ing chill the f*** out, It's a god f***ing damn tv show. You're calling your daughter mature, and if she's picking colleges then she is pretty well near being an adult if she isn't one already. Let her make her own f***ing choices you dipshit. If your daughter wants to be a skank because she sees it on tv, she will be. your stupid ass won't change any of that.

Tue, Jun 10, 2008 at 01:50 AM EST

Oh I love Gossip Girl! And the books are fabulous....
And oh how I love Beverly Hills 90210!! I'm only 19 but I remember growing up and seeing it on television. Now I'm addicted to the reruns on Soapnet! :)

Marie Wed, May 14, 2008 at 12:12 PM EST

I still think GG is a better influence on young people than, say, Tila Tequila or The "Real" World...

P Mon, May 12, 2008 at 09:37 PM EST

I went to a private school where I live and I definitely see some parallels to the life I led with my friends (I'm 20 now). While my family wasn't very wealthy there sure were a lot of 15 year olds with daddy's money, their own porsche, and more prescription pills than any one person could use. We had a lot of parties with a lot of alcohol and hard drugs so people should know that it's out there, never once did I get in trouble or did my parents find out. I think this is a fantastic show for high school kids because it highlights what is going on in their lives. Anything younger than that should definitely have a parent with them but you have to accept that your child knows more about what's out there than you think and a simple TV show isn't going to shape their behavior. I'm in no way condoning the behavior portrayed on the show or the way my friends behaved in high school because I turned my life around and am in Law Enforcement. Parents, just trust that you raised your kids well.

brennan Sun, May 11, 2008 at 02:24 PM EST

it's just a show. it has sex and drugs, sure but it also teaches lessons while its at it. Everyone who thinks its racy or trash just needs to relax and realize its not even real, so stop getting so worked up about it.

K8lyn Sun, May 4, 2008 at 10:25 AM EST

im 14i watch gossip girl
*oh gasp* what is my mother doing when im watching this horrific show???
well she sits with on the sofa and watches it with me
its a great show and alot of my freinds watch it too but no none of us have had sex none of us do drugs and none of us shoplift

K8lyn Sun, May 4, 2008 at 10:24 AM EST

im 14i watch gossip girl
*oh gasp* what is my mother doing when im watching this horrific show???
well she sits with on the sofa and watches it with me
its a great show and alot of my freinds watch it too but no none of us have had sex none of us do drugs and none of us shoplift

Tevin Sat, May 3, 2008 at 04:22 PM EST

im 16 and i watch gg i think its a great show it definatly is a escape from my life i mean i see my insecurites in blair the need to escape my life like serena the want to be like those i admire like jenny the modesty of dan the drive of vanessa the wisdom of eric the cleverness of chuck and the want to please everyone of nate gg offers somthing for everyone if given the chance i can relate to some of the issues of hearing a friend might be pregnat to falling in love for my best friend and almost betraying my girlfriend or having my popularity come to a screetching hault and realizing its better to be me and being pressured to try drugs

Tevin Sat, May 3, 2008 at 04:22 PM EST

im 16 and i watch gg i think its a great show it definatly is a escape from my life i mean i see my insecurites in blair the need to escape my life like serena the want to be like those i admire like jenny the modesty of dan the drive of vanessa the wisdom of eric the cleverness of chuck and the want to please everyone of nate gg offers somthing for everyone if given the chance i can relate to some of the issues of hearing a friend might be pregnat to falling in love for my best friend and almost betraying my girlfriend or having my popularity come to a screetching hault and realizing its better to be me and being pressured to try drugs

meghan Fri, May 2, 2008 at 08:52 PM EST

GG isn't any more graphic then any other television show. How about desperate housewives? Sex in the City? The picture in your article is from an episode where they are having a pool party, something normal teens should do anyways, and they're dress code is anything close to skanky. Teens have the right to watch this show under supervision, and with the thought in mind that it's just a television show, how i tell my children, "it's just a scary movie, nothing real". same concept.

Yours, Truly, Confused Fri, May 2, 2008 at 06:40 PM EST

I am 16, i am British and i have been brought up into a family which values liberalism and tolerance. I don't know whether these things make leaving a comment pointless, as i will either be preaching to the converted or wasting my text on those who already disagree with the foundations on which i base my ideas. However, in the spirit of freedom of speech i will anyway. The fact that there is an article discussing the 'problems' caused by the 'absolute amorality' of the characters in GG, who 'did drugs...without any comeuppance' on a webpage which contains 4 adverts for 'fast working diet pills' is simply stunning. I hate to say, but this is only emphasised by the unfortunate comment 'Where, for Gods sake, were the parents?'. Blogging, perhaps? Some form of continuity is required, and to follow some of the best advice ever given.
DON'T PANIC

XOXO (couldn't resist, sorry)

Sonia Fri, May 2, 2008 at 04:02 PM EST

The ads may look GG look more inappropriate but it really isnt. Teh show is NOT all about sex adn definitely not graphic!!

Also, the more you tell kids NOT to watch a certain show...the more likely they will. Especially, a show like GG that is huge in many highschools..its hard NOT to watch it when all ur classmates are talking about at school everyday....

I'm currently at University..and this show is HUGE!!

GG is one of the best teen dramas I've ever seen in my life...its well written and witty. Pluse the cast is AMAZING and the clothes are WONDERFUL! But what makes this show different than other teen shows is the LOCATION. Show set in NYC is the BEST...and GG uses it to its advantage!

Watch GG LIVE on MOndays at 8PM on CW!

xoxo Fri, May 2, 2008 at 01:26 PM EST

I don't think GG is any worse than the tacky (and extremely graphic) Jackie Collins books and mini-series that reigned supreme back in the '80s. If anything, I'm more worried about the real words and actions on teens' My Space accounts than any of the fictional stuff on CW.

Jennifer Fri, May 2, 2008 at 11:00 AM EST

Great Post!! Times have changed big time. I have put my hand over my mouth a few times while watching GG. 90210 was the teen soap I grew-up watching and it wasn't that in your face. It was risky at times but nothing major. However, 90210 was more of a 'you learn from your mistakes' kind of soap. GG is more about entertaining rather than teaching a lesson. I will continue to watch it because it is one of my guilty pleasures.

RayT Thu, May 1, 2008 at 09:30 PM EST

To "In Defense of Seth Cohen," I completely agree with you that The OC was immeasurably better than 90210 and no one was a bigger fan of The Cohens et. al. than me. I just meant that it seems all teen shows have to focus on glamorous, rich teens in sunny locales to even get made. Even if they're not explicitly rich, they are all dressed to the nines and drive a luxury car. (I lament Kim Kelly's beater in Freaks and Geeks!) The only recent show I can think of that is about poor or middle class teens is the brilliant Friday Night Lights but we all know how great that does in the ratings! Of course, my argument is flawed because GG's ratings are terrible as well. Both GG and FNL are just way too well-written to be major hits.

lk Thu, May 1, 2008 at 08:08 PM EST

yeah GG to teens as Dawson's Creek was to me(im 22), altho DC was a tiny bit more realistic. Atleast they got one thing right and casted actors/actresses closer to the characters ages...but the "OMFG" commercials were just redic, i mean seriously?? all shows about high school/college are insanely far fetched cause otherwise no one would watch a show that closely resembles their own life - so they escape in to this alternate one where a prettier version of themselves deals with way more drama and sexual relations...they do though try to make even the btchiest character like blair seem remorseful

Lucy Thu, May 1, 2008 at 07:57 PM EST

Excellent post. I find the righteous indignation expressed frequently regarding this show absolutely hilarious. It's nice to see a level-headed, sensible response. You must indeed be a good parent. My mom had no idea I had stolen her copies of 'Til We Meet Again' and 'Through a Glass Darkly' and stashed them in a drawer in my room!

Nancy Thu, May 1, 2008 at 06:48 PM EST

Well written, and I'm happy to see some parent-centric stuff in my favorite blog, Popwatch. Tweens and young teens should not be watching this show. However, for older teens, you have to let them go a little or they'll rebel, and I agree that it gives you a great opportunity to talk about these issues (and educate). By the way, I looooved The Other Side of Midnight when I was a teen, too.

In Defense of Seth Cohen Thu, May 1, 2008 at 06:00 PM EST

Please do not rope "The OC" into the "90210 Genre," as there was very little sex and what there was was distinctly not glamourous and often awkward and ironic. The Schwartzter has made it very clear that FOX wanted 90210, and what they got was something better, which is probably why it lasted four years and not ten. That and the world's worst time slot ever.

PissPoorEducation Thu, May 1, 2008 at 05:44 PM EST

To GG: man, I guess the education system in this country is way more broken than I thought. For being a very wealthy, private school and Harvard-educated person, you sure have terrible spelling and grammar skills. I could barely read your post. I guess money can buy you anything, eh?

GG Thu, May 1, 2008 at 05:05 PM EST

I think u r way 2 overrotective. I mean, get a life already! U looked in ure daughters backpact to see the books she was reading!!!! GET A LIFE.I am 22 years oldand when I was unger my mom wuld nvr let me see Dawson's Creek. I watched it anyway in my room. Then. umm...I wasnt scarred for life or anything..I mean...It IS TV.

I myself come from an EXTREMELY WEALTHY family on 5th ave. and Sutten. I went to amazing private schools and am now in Harvard. THESHOW IS NOT LIKE REAL LiFE IN THE UPPER EAST SIDE> GET A LIFE!!

RayT Thu, May 1, 2008 at 03:32 PM EST

I think GG is clearly set in a fantasy world. Does the average 14-year-old girl who watches this show really have the option to mimic S.&B.'s behavoir by having gin martinis at their sleepovers, stopping by the burlesque their 16-year-old friend owns, stealing their friend's mom's vintage Valentino or staging queen bee coup d'etats at upscale eateries? As a college-aged fan, I think parents should be more worried about the consumer values GG instills in their kids (along with most other teen shows in the 90210 genre like The OC, Laguna Beach, the Hills, etc.) rather than the drugs/booze/sex. You child is much more likely to pick up terrible spending habits from GG rather than a cocaine habit.

Rose Tyler Thu, May 1, 2008 at 03:20 PM EST

Listen if you have given your kids a strong foundation it won't matter what they see on tv. I really believe that at a certain point you have to let go and trust that you've given them the right tools to see this kind of thing as entertainment and nothing more.

NineDaves Thu, May 1, 2008 at 03:06 PM EST

the 26 year old gay man here has no clout to make a statement on whether kids should be watching/reading GG or not. what i can say is that the books are much worse than the tv show, so if you are going to expose your kids to anything, i'd go with the cw.

Silv Thu, May 1, 2008 at 02:51 PM EST

Tina, I'm with you. My daughter's 19 and too busy to watch this but we had our discussions with other shows/movies. My son's 15 and can't be bothered with this show when sports are on, but he does comment the girls in his grade are totally into this show. Sadly, I don't think they're getting the point of your discussion.

Kel Thu, May 1, 2008 at 02:31 PM EST

I've never read the books, but from the tv show...I've watched and read way worse. Obviously, some people are going to be offended, but it isn't a bad show. The characters are not really glorified for doing bad things. I am 21 and I've been reading books that have sex in them for years. As long as whoever is watching it can distinguish between reality and fiction, there really shouldn't be a problem.

Natalie Thu, May 1, 2008 at 02:10 PM EST

I don't think letting your children watch GG is a problem. It's television, as long as they know that then i don't see the issue.
On a side note, Blair doesn't dress like an employee of a strip club...in fact none of them do.
If that picture is what you're going off you realise she's at a swimming pool. If it's not...are you sure you've actually SEEN the show?

mscisluv Thu, May 1, 2008 at 01:44 PM EST

Thank you, Zoot! Even though these shows may seem ridiculous, they deal with real issues that our teens may have to face. Great for you that you had that discussion with your daughter, especially since it would have probably not come up without the show to prompt it.

Zoot Thu, May 1, 2008 at 01:36 PM EST

GG this week prompted a discussion of what a date rape drug is with my teenager. A discussion I probably should have scheduled but hadn't thought of it yet. As far as I'm concerned? They're only dealing with stuff we probably should be talking about with our kids anyway. Or at least that they're talking about at school.

Snarf Thu, May 1, 2008 at 01:33 PM EST

My seventeen year old cousin watches this - we bond over the ridiculousness of it all and have a good laugh.

b0bbyr0we Thu, May 1, 2008 at 01:31 PM EST

This reminds me of when Dawson's Creek came out, the GG of my middle school years. My mother read an article about it before it premiered recommending that since kids would watch it anyway, parents should watch it with their kids and let it act as a good way to start conversation. Of course this just meant that my mom ended up just as addicted to DC as my sister and I. The "discussion" was, hilariously, my mom shouting "Don't have sex!" and laughing at the end of each discussion on which characters were getting frisky.

Also, I'm 22. Telling that story and realizing that these kids probably thing Dawson's Creek was so quant make me feel so freaking old.

b0bbyr0we Thu, May 1, 2008 at 01:31 PM EST

This reminds me of when Dawson's Creek came out, the GG of my middle school years. My mother read an article about it before it premiered recommending that since kids would watch it anyway, parents should watch it with their kids and let it act as a good way to start conversation. Of course this just meant that my mom ended up just as addicted to DC as my sister and I. The "discussion" was, hilariously, my mom shouting "Don't have sex!" and laughing at the end of each discussion on which characters were getting frisky.

Also, I'm 22. Telling that story and realizing that these kids probably thing Dawson's Creek was so quant make me feel so freaking old.

stephanie Thu, May 1, 2008 at 01:29 PM EST

My 13 year old sister watches it (I believe without parental supervision); I'm 18 and I watch it. And I don't think my parents are bad parents. They've taught us good values. GG is just a lot an escapist piece of fun. It's not going to ruin us or most people who watch it.

Lauri Thu, May 1, 2008 at 01:16 PM EST

Sorry Tina, I feel for you. I wish I had some wise words of wisdom for you but I don't. I don't watch Gossip Girl, I watched about four episodes and decided that it was way too racy and I'm twenty years old. I can only imagine what it's like for someone younger. It's scary to think this is what our youth is watching. It is TRASH plain and simple.


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