'The Tudors' recap: Off with his head!
Apr 28, 2008, 12:17 PM | by Aubry D’Arminio
Categories: Mini TV Watch
First off, let’s have a moment of silence for Sir Thomas More, who finally took his trip to the chopping block — his fate sealed by the sniveling Sir Richard Rich, he of the stupidest sounding name. Then let’s cross our fingers and toes in hopes of an Emmy nod for Jeremy Northam, who acted his pants off as the martyr-par-excellence last night, don’t you think? Let’s also hear it for the dastardly king who, while still allowing his former teacher and most loyal subject be killed, had the kindness to commute More’s sentence — from being drawn on a hurdle through the city, hung until he’s half dead, and losing his bowels, his John Thomas and his noggin — to just a plain old beheading. What a generous fellow you are, Henry. And a ballsy man, too.
Did anyone else notice that the first bloke to yell “God bless you, Cardinal Fisher!” at the holy man’s execution was William Webb, the same guy whose girlfriend the King snogged in front of him earlier in the episode? (Brandon was all smiles during this scene. Lord he hates Anne.) I bet Mr. Webb is storing up some ire against the king, and that he’ll be back in force. Then again, he could go the way of Anthony Knivert and just disappear (which is my only gripe with The Tudors). Either way, if Webb’s purpose was to show how covetous, horny, and abusive of his power the king has become (what did the Pope say about him being mired in vice and lust?), it certainly worked. I’m beginning to hate Henry with all my body and soul. Sure, Anne is a trollop. Yet the one thing you could count on last season is that they were a team, and now he’s turning his back on her the same way he did on Katherine. Grrrr. That jousting accident he’s supposed to get in before the end of the season? The result of bad karma, methinks.
Speaking of bad karma, I’m still hoping for lightning (or something really terrible) to strike Papa Boleyn. His first words to Anne after she suffered a miscarriage were, “What did you do to kill the baby?” A great show of fatherly love on his part. Then, in the same episode, he disinherits pregnant daughter Mary for marrying beneath them and influences Anne to get her banished from court. Yes, it was Anne’s own decision, but you saw the pain in her eyes as she chastised Mary -- she didn’t want to do it, and it’s partially her and Papa’s fault Mary was nicknamed “The Great Prostitute” and basically unmarriageable anyway.
In fact, it’s Anne’s fault that a lot of bad things are happening. Don’t get me wrong, I’ve warmed to her. But she’s already cozying up too frequently to a freaked-out Mark Smeaton at court and we know where that is going to lead. We can already see the worry in his eyes when the King appears. Plus, she’s summoning her brother George to her bedchamber when she’s drunk (did you see Cousin Madge spying on them?), which is not going to bode well for him in the future when he is accused of incest. Then there is Cromwell. Once Anne’s #1 fan, he is going to have to jump through hoops to keep in the King’s good graces as Henry tires of her. What was it that Thomas More said to Cromwell before his death? “No difference between us except that I shall die today and you tomorrow?" Hint: I think I’ve figured out what’s going to happen to him in the third season. (If you already didn’t know, Showtime has renewed The Tudors for a another run in which the king will marry Anne of Cleves, who a friend of mine swears had notoriously rank body odor. To which I said, were you in a past life a perfumer in the court of Anne of Cleves?)
But I digress. While we are still waiting to meet Henry Norris and Francis Weston (the final two men to be killed along with Anne -- the others are George, Mark, and the assassin William Brereton), we did get an interesting cameo this episode. Providing a little comic relief after Fisher’s death, Michelangelo showed up to paint the Sistine Chapel and give his assistants a right bollocking because “Moses looks like a pile of crap.” Interestingly enough, Michelangelo’s face was covered in splashes of red paint that almost matched the pink sores on Fisher’s face — could this be a little statement on the martyrdom of a painter for religious art? Hmm.
Anyway, in all this, we have yet to stop and admire the clothes this
season. Sometimes they just take your breath away, don’t they? I loved
Henry’s thin red velvet vest and black blouse at the beginning of the
episode (and the juicy dressing gown Anne wore last week). I do
wonder, however, why Cranmer is meant to look a bit like a cartoon rap
mogul with a fur stole and some regal bling. What this says about him,
I’ve yet to figure out.
So please come back next week when the Pope goes outside (sort of), the
printing press makes its English debut, George marries (a woman),
Cousin Madge attracts a real suitor (not the King), Sir Henry Norris
shows up and, most importantly, Brandon finally gets his own bona fide
plotline! Now excuse me while I go do the cabbage patch in celebration
of that one…
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