Entertaining the single woman (who gets it right, who gets you scared)

idigress Wed, Apr 9, 2008 at 02:51 PM EST

"The New Adventures of Old Christine" has me vacillating between hope and fear oftentimes more than once in each 30 minute episode. I am going to be 40...in 3 years and I find myself back in singleton land. Christine keeps me buoyed from time to time!

drella66 Wed, Apr 9, 2008 at 01:22 PM EST

"i know it's not tv/movie, but there is a great book by Curtis Sittenfeld called "The Man of My Dreams". it has a great message about learning to love yourself that has nothing to do with being dependent on a man."

I COULD NOT DISAGREE MORE. I think that book had a completely co-dependant message and that women are NOTHING without men. It also supports all the negative stereotypes that men have about women. The main character didnt like herself, how can anyone possibly love her?

I love Sex and the City

Sweet Tue, Apr 8, 2008 at 08:17 PM EST

I disagree with the SATC. I think the ending was appropriate. To me it meant it's ok to be single until your heart says yes to someone because everyone wants somebody (even the scared and bitter who don't want to admit it).

DalGal Tue, Apr 8, 2008 at 06:44 PM EST

I relate everything in life to SATC. There are so many great moments in the show but I always loved the one on Carrie's B-Day where she was alone. Charlotte was the one who said they could be each others soulmates and guys could be there to have fun with. So ladies, nail down your soulmates now ( I am lucky enough to have 6 of them)!

Katherine Tue, Apr 8, 2008 at 04:58 PM EST

I too am going to be 40...8 years AGO! I am single and fabulous! Wouldn't have it any other way. Life is to short to be weighed down by a 5'10", 230 pound albatross who cheats on you and sucks at golf. Wait, am I being too specific?

wg Tue, Apr 8, 2008 at 02:14 PM EST

Bringing in the geek factor - the best story for me about feeling 'old' was an episode of "Star Trek: Deep Space Nine". Bashir is freaked out about turning 30 and 'losing his youth'. Through sci-fi means he experiences what it's like to really be old and realizes that life (and age) are a gift. Good stuff.

http://memory-alpha.org/en/wiki/Distant_Voices

amah Tue, Apr 8, 2008 at 01:37 PM EST

I am happily married, but without my S/O I'd be an equally happy single lady (I mean, there were no woe-is-boyfriendless-me moments before the S/O surprised me with himself). But the age thing is another issue- I have been having an existential crisis since I was 20 (it's the birthdays that come in multiples of five that hurt, like this year's). I second whoever said Muriel's Wedding- that's a great movie for being happy by yourself. And I have to say, The Hills is one of the worst shows for whining about lack of a BF. Hmm, another bad movie for singletons?... Bridget Jones? Though of course I will still watch it.

GingerCat Tue, Apr 8, 2008 at 12:15 PM EST

I'm 36 and single and usually don't worry about it too much. Everyone's situation is different; just because you're single at a certain age doesn't mean you'll always be single . . . and just because you're in a relationship at a certain age doesn't mean you'll always be, either.
I actually think Liz Lemon is a good role model. She's funny, smart, and successful, but she's also got her nerdy, loser side, which we all have in one way or another. No one is perfect. I mean, sure, with Liz her flaws are exaggerated for comic effect, but I still relate to her more than any other character on TV, including the SATC girls, who I always found annoying. Enough with the shoe obsession! I much prefer Liz Lemon dressing like "a small-town lesbian."

Steph Tue, Apr 8, 2008 at 12:11 PM EST

So glad someone mentioned Singles. I have not seen it in years, but I am remember that lastish scene where she finally settles for the guy. I laugh about it all the time (to myself of course). Otherwise, as others pointed out...I had NO idea I was the same age as Sally now! wow. I will have to start using the 40 line!

Gott Be Bridget! Tue, Apr 8, 2008 at 11:59 AM EST

Bridget Jones' Diary- I watch it every new year with a big bottle of wine and my cat curled up in my lap...until I knock her off my lap because I'm pissed out of my tree, wobbling about singing "ALL by Myself!!!"

jane Tue, Apr 8, 2008 at 11:55 AM EST

I'd like to think that there are still some Mr. Darcy's and Col. Branden's out there. But more than likely, the Mr. Collins and Willoughby's are in abundance.

Dave Tue, Apr 8, 2008 at 11:23 AM EST

I'm 26, gay, single, and have had approximately, um, zero healthy relationships (this is great; it's just like therapy!). Anyway, a movie that gives me hope is The Broken Hearts Club. No matter how bad things get or depressing my (admittedly pathetic) love life may seem, I still have a great group of friends. Now, the day they all start finding mates while I'm still searching for Mr. Right, then maybe the palpitations will start...

carole Tue, Apr 8, 2008 at 10:22 AM EST

Save yourself from having your cat eat your face after you choke to death (!) Learn to do the Heimlich on yourself.

carole Tue, Apr 8, 2008 at 10:22 AM EST

Save yourself from having your cat eat your face after you choke to death (!) Learn to do the Heimlich on yourself. Google it.

jj11 Tue, Apr 8, 2008 at 09:46 AM EST

I was a 27 year old who was scared of the Liz Lemon scenario. I liked men, but everyone I was attracted to was so immature. I didn't want to end up as a babysitter. Then out of the blue one day, I met my soul mate who is 4 years younger than I am. I am not saying he is perfect, because i am not either, but we are perfect together. I am just as happy as I was when I was single. It's doesn't have to be a 'I have to give up 'blank ' for love. Someone who is worth it and loves you for who you are will want to share it with you and vice versa. Life does not have to be so dramatic of our making. I think it has enough drama with out people adding to it. We don't have a lot of money, but we have a home, food, puppies, and each other. I would rather be home with him eating dinner and watching crappy reality TV than be one of the so called Celebutantes in Hollywood. Sorry about the preaching..........

notsolonely Tue, Apr 8, 2008 at 09:35 AM EST

I'm 36, single, living in a nice apt with 2 cats and no, I'm not the crazy cat lady...yet. I've watched all of my friends get engaged, get married, have kids and, after seeing how the grass isn't always greener on the other side, I'm more than happy to stay single. I come and go as I please. I answer to no one. If something isn't done, it's my fault. I am no man's mommy, babysitter, whatever. But...when I get that lonely feeling, I play the Pussycat Doll's song "I Don't Need a Man" and go spend time with my friend and her 2 year old twins. An hour with them and that song and I'm perfectly happy with my cats!

SusanZ Tue, Apr 8, 2008 at 08:59 AM EST

Interesting. I would have guessed you to be 16, based on your mentality.

Meaghan Tue, Apr 8, 2008 at 08:59 AM EST

"If Lucy Fell" with Sara Jessica Parker. Watch it. You'll see what I mean.

Stephanie Tue, Apr 8, 2008 at 08:53 AM EST

I'm surprised no one was mentioned Bridget Jones... that moment where she tells Daniel that his settling for her "isn't a good enough offer for me" reminds me to stick to my guns and hold out for something more spectacular.

Tue, Apr 8, 2008 at 08:37 AM EST

i know it's not tv/movie, but there is a great book by Curtis Sittenfeld called "The Man of My Dreams". it has a great message about learning to love yourself that has nothing to do with being dependent on a man.

GeeMoney Tue, Apr 8, 2008 at 08:20 AM EST

Sex and the City gets to me every once in awhile, especially the episode where Miranda starts choking in her apartment and worries about the fact if she had died that her cat would have eaten her face. I have a cat, and I can't even bare thinking about that scenario!

Anyways, I do love the show because the underlying message is you don't need a man to be fabulous. And you don't!

S Tue, Apr 8, 2008 at 07:22 AM EST

Totally agree with the poster about Muriel's Wedding, tho I wouldn't have thought of that one myself. I'm past 40 and looking at you from the other side of the fence, I must remind you about the grass not always being greener & all that. Still not where I planned to be but hey, life happens.

Sina Tue, Apr 8, 2008 at 07:13 AM EST

My movie is The Mirror has Two Faces. I'm turning 30 this year and I'm really starting to feel it like I'm going to be alone and I'll be 40 very soon.

Sina Tue, Apr 8, 2008 at 07:13 AM EST

My movie is The Mirror has Two Faces. I'm turning 30 this year and I'm really starting to feel it like I'm going to be alone and I'll be 40 very soon.

Sara Tue, Apr 8, 2008 at 04:20 AM EST

I'm 24, and I am already having the type of fears you're talking about. Don't know why; it's programmed in I guess. However, unlike many of my friends, I'm not going to waste any time on relationships (or messing around with guys) that aren't going anywhere.

P.S. What're you doing watching the BACHELOR?? tsk tsk. Bad TV. And not the guilty pleasure kind, either.

Nose Mon, Apr 7, 2008 at 11:12 PM EST

To Laura: We're hardly saying that Liz Lemon gives us single girls hope. She made me more afraid to live alone! What Liz Lemon does for me is make me think that no matter how down I get about being single sometimes, there are women that are worse off than me!
I disagree that Sex and the City gives single girls hope. All it did was perpetuate the notion that all we need is a man in the end, and everything will be complete. But, hey, look how fabulous and superficial we can be in the meantime!

I'm looking for a man to complement me, not 'complete' me.

Joy Mon, Apr 7, 2008 at 10:57 PM EST

Yes, it's wonderful to be in love with a great man who feels the same way about you. However, I'd rather be alone than with the wrong person. I'm in my early 40's, still single, and haven't eaten a tv dinner yet, nor do I have 100 cats. It's natural to feel lonely sometimes, but you can still have a great life as a single woman. Now, if we were living in the 1800's or before, THAT would be another story! Cheer up and live positively!

ann Mon, Apr 7, 2008 at 10:23 PM EST

I recently had the same When Harry Met Sally realization. Except mine was, "holy cow, i'm older than Sally. And i'm going to be 40. Someday."

AuntieEm Mon, Apr 7, 2008 at 09:24 PM EST

Spoilers --- To me it's all about "Muriel's Wedding." She goes around obsessing about finding someone and when she finally has her wedding day, she realizes it actually wasn't what she wanted in the end. To me it's a great movie about getting your priorities straight.

Snarf Mon, Apr 7, 2008 at 09:01 PM EST

F*** Love. All you need are a good pair of shoes.

robin Mon, Apr 7, 2008 at 08:22 PM EST

OMG! That would be my age too! Scary! LOL!
I love WHMS. My go to for feeling good about being single would have to be SATC. I'm a sucker for any romantic comedy - even 27 dresses which wasn't that good.

Banana Mon, Apr 7, 2008 at 07:53 PM EST

Mandi you're killing me... first you get me thinking about SATC episodes 10 days after my breakup with my BF and now 2 months later you get me thinking again! Damn you?!?!?!

The speech at the end of Prince and Me when he speaks from the balcony as Paige disappears into the crowd gave me home and confirmed that my decision to move on was right... total cheese but really, what chick flick isn't?

Laura Mon, Apr 7, 2008 at 07:37 PM EST

I have to disagree about Liz Lemon - I think she is an "example" of how pathetic single women are. She obsesses about old boyfriends constantly. She doesn't always do laundry consistently, and sometimes has to wear her swimsuit because she ran out of clean underwear. She wants a baby so bad that she once semi-kidnapped one. She's so desperate for a man, that she dates a loser beeper salesman and a college guy who has a mom that looks exactly like Liz. Need I say more?

I personally can not WAIT for the day that Hollywood (and/or Literature) finally gives us a story about women who are single and actually happy. I'm 27 and single and doing just great, thank you.

francesa Mon, Apr 7, 2008 at 06:48 PM EST

This is going take the discussion down a notch, but Yang on Grey's Anatomy is completely inspirational. She would rather have a great surgery than a great man any day. And Amen to whoever flagged "While You Were Sleeping." Sandra Bullock has perfected the art of the mopey single woman into an art form. I always watch her movies and have a great moment of schedenfreude (sp??) -- at least I'll never be that pathetic.

carson Mon, Apr 7, 2008 at 06:43 PM EST

The Liz Lemon seen (and Miranda) inspired me to give a co-worker a key to my apartment. I think that Liz Lemon gives me hope that is okay to be different and okay to be single.

Nix Mon, Apr 7, 2008 at 06:19 PM EST

As a gay man in his early thirties, I definitely want a wife and kids. Though not a house in the suburbs. Suburbs are the new slums. Penthouse condo in an emergent neighborhood please.

Miranda Mon, Apr 7, 2008 at 05:54 PM EST

The single girl movie that sends me into a blind rage is While You Were Sleeping. That scene where she's sitting all alone in her apartment on Christmas day, heating up a TV dinner and sitting down to eat with her cat? Are you kidding me? Why must singles only eat tv dinners? And why do cats=pathetic loners? Snap out of it sister!

I'm 35 and single and I know if I'd gotten married in my 20s, I'd be divorced right now. Everyone has to do this at their own pace. Miranda got the baby and the husband and the house and the dog. At her own pace. On here own terms.

Lene Mon, Apr 7, 2008 at 05:51 PM EST

Sex and the City is the only one I can think of and even that focuses a bit too much on the "get a man" thing. I have yet to see a movie that celebrates being single, instead of celebrating Finally Finding A Man.

Abby Mon, Apr 7, 2008 at 05:47 PM EST

I re-watched the fabulous 90's movie "Singles" (Kyra Sedgwick, Bridgette Fonda, Matt Dillon, Campbell Scott, with cameos from just about everybody in the grunge scene in 1992) about a month ago and was blown away when B. Fonda's character makes a huge deal about being 25. I watched this movie so many times and to the teenage me, these characters were such ADULTS. To realize that I passed by "Singles"-age without even knowing was simultaneously hilarious and frightening.

30's Singeltons Unite! Mon, Apr 7, 2008 at 05:44 PM EST

Egads Mandi, I didn't realize til now but I am also Sally's age. Swingers actually gave me hope after a painful breakup. Although that was in my 20's so I'm not sure if it still would today.

Lou Mon, Apr 7, 2008 at 05:30 PM EST

I had the same moment with When Harry Met Sally - I realized I was older than Sally. It always seemed so far away. I am offically older than Carrie in Sex and the City when the show started (yikes) and my shoe collection has clearly not materialized as well as hers. Its a very Matthew McConaugh Dazed and Confused moment - I get older, but the characters stay the same age..

Jelana Mon, Apr 7, 2008 at 05:15 PM EST

You would think Seinfeld would give singletons hope, as it is about single 30-something friends. But the way the guys (not exactly the top of the barrel themselves) picked apart the women they dated was a little frightening. Particularly since B-level guys really do this about women who are likely way too good for them anyway.

Lauren Mon, Apr 7, 2008 at 05:07 PM EST

Amen to Sex and the City. I've always especially loved the line, "maybe there's just something to knowing they're out there."

Gretchen Esselstein Mon, Apr 7, 2008 at 05:05 PM EST

Sex and the City. Plain and simple.

Gretchen Esselstein Mon, Apr 7, 2008 at 05:05 PM EST

Sex and the City. Plain and simple.

Mon, Apr 7, 2008 at 04:58 PM EST

I've always thought that Sex and the City gave hope to single women out there.

Lauren Mon, Apr 7, 2008 at 04:54 PM EST

I'm 27 with a roommate, but I second the Liz Lemon choking-on-her-food moment from 30 Rock. Or the similar scene with Miranda from Sex and the City.

I'm also torn on the marriage and kids issue, but I still feel the ping of panic once in a while.

Ames, I like your comment. That's a good show to watch for that sort of comfort. (Also, look at Marie. Ugh.)

Ames Mon, Apr 7, 2008 at 04:30 PM EST

I wouldn't call it "hope" but "Everybody loves Raymond" makes me feel better about being single. Whenever that shrill woman opens her mouth I realize I could easily have had her life. And the fact that so many people could actually relate to those miserable people makes me wonder what it is about being married. The mad dash to find someone, then the slow burn of 60 years complaining about that someone.

birdgirl39 Mon, Apr 7, 2008 at 04:20 PM EST

Until women stop telling themselves that they need a man to define them, it will never happen in entertainment.

Raven_Moon Mon, Apr 7, 2008 at 04:05 PM EST

I don't have a specific film that gives me hope or fills me with fear about being a single girl. I have a love/hate relationship with romantic comedies & dramas. "Pride & Prejudice" is so romantic..."You've bewitched me body & soul." I think it's ruined me for life. These films make me hopeful that love is out there & that it can be beautiful. On the other hand, films like this depress me greatly because I don't have that. Like I said, it's a love/hate thing.

Nose Mon, Apr 7, 2008 at 03:58 PM EST

The scene on 30 Rock where Liz Lemon is in her apartment and chokes on her food is scary to me, as a single gal in her own apartment. Something tells me my dog won't be able to do a good Heimlich maneuver.

I don't know about movies/tv that give the single 30-something hope or play us in a non-spinster-y way.