My beautiful, scarring-me-forever mommy?

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Jules Fri, Dec 19, 2008 at 01:13 AM EST

I don't have a problem with plastic surgeries in general, but this is kind of crazy. If you feel like you need to get plastic surgery, you need to honestly communicate with your children instead of hiding behind a book that might send the wrong message. Don't pretend like the world is peachy and perfect and act like your children will be too dumb to understand. And if you can't handle being honest with your children then i think there is a bigger issue than just insecurities or unhappiness about your appearance.

Mo. Wed, Jul 16, 2008 at 11:45 AM EST

like plastic surgery itself, this book is a quick fix without any real, lasting positive effect. i can see the women who buy this book saying to themselves, "whew! okay, i've bought the book, so now i don't actually have to TALK to my child about their fears, their concerns, or their own body-image." as the book becomes faded, torn, and forgotten over the years, and as the nose collapses, the breasts become swollen and infected, maybe then these mothers will realize that they would have felt more beautiful just by getting to know their children better in the first place. nothing is so beautiful as a mother and child with a good relationship.

Patrica Wed, Jun 25, 2008 at 01:51 PM EST

I think the book is a great thing for moms who decide on doing the procedure. Not EVERYONE needs to buy the book...its basically women who decide to communicate this with their children. Not everyone is the same. Some people might like it some might not. SOOO people need to stop making it so controversial and leave the poor doctor alone. Some people are ignorant and some are open minded=me. The book was not written to make kids not like themselves...it was written for moms who want to tell their kids about their plastic surgery.

Lisa Sun, Apr 27, 2008 at 08:10 PM EST

I think this is one of the smartest things that this Doctor could do financially. Obviously, women who want to do this are not going to think the book is shallow or detrimental to their child because their goal is to look prettier, so the overall message is perfect for them. Moreover, I will commend these women for at least trying to talk and have a relationship with their child. Communication is one of the strongest qualities of a parent-child relationship. We all must realize that times are changing and the ‘norms’ are becoming pretty interesting these days. The fact that over 330,000 people under the age of 18 get plastic surgery only solidifies this statement. While I do not agree in the morals that plastic surgery instills into a child, which is a completely different discussion.

http://www.resident.org/teen/your_body/beautiful/plastic_surgery.html

Carol Thu, Apr 24, 2008 at 01:26 PM EST

Why doesn’t someone write a book for moms that doesn’t confuse beauty with being wealthy or famous? Like…...."I am beautiful just the way I am"
living in a cul-de-sac
still sexy to my husband
pray and worry for my oldest daughter
running carpool for my middle daughter
helping my son with his homework
doing home-daycare so that I could stay home with my youngest daughter and still contribute to the household
hair up
no make-up on
running shoes and sweats
running on the elipitical machine
cleaning
cooking
feeding the cat
doing the laundry
reading
balancing the check book
paying the bills
and keeping in touch with friends and family

Max Frost Wed, Apr 23, 2008 at 09:50 AM EST

Has anyone seen Meg Ryan lately?

Debra Daumier Wed, Apr 23, 2008 at 04:17 AM EST

I am sure that our dear MD had the best of intentions - effective PR and getting more clients are for sure among them...
www.debradaumier.blogspot.com

momof6 Tue, Apr 22, 2008 at 08:49 AM EST

Where are Beatrice Potter and Margaret Wise Brown when you need them? That's what I want my small children reading!

debra de-jong Tue, Apr 22, 2008 at 04:48 AM EST

It's all about PR - pure and simple. This self-publishing doctor is getting more coverage in the media with this fruit-of-the-pen than he would have using ordinary PR channels, such as advertising in magazines, sending out mailing, etc.
He will not make a lot of money on the book itself (self-publishing is not a cash cow), but will for sure get a gaggle of new clients.....

Kitten Mon, Apr 21, 2008 at 08:00 PM EST

Mothers shouldn't get plastic surgery of any type. It's horrible for the children to go through, and the mother is displaying a horrible image for the child that might make them thing they need to be 'fixed'. Parents who get plastic surgery are just selfish. I've got stretch marks and I've learned to love them and they're just a reminder of my little guy being inside me. :)

T Lee Mon, Apr 21, 2008 at 07:43 PM EST

Most decent parents spend a fair bit of time teaching their children that beauty is all about what's on the inside. Any parent who needs plastic surgery to make themselves "prettier" is sending the exact opposite message. How sad. I hate to say it, but these people don't deserve to be parents. What kind of selfish, shallow, vain little citizens are they going to raise? Our society already has enough of those.

Kesai Mon, Apr 21, 2008 at 04:26 PM EST

I am a she, I am just undiscriminating in some of my preferences

t3hdow Mon, Apr 21, 2008 at 03:20 PM EST

Even if the author of this book did it for good intentions, he should've chose a better cover. I mean, what else is the general public going to think after getting an eye full of the cover? I also won't go so far and insult every person who gets cosmetic surgery, especially if it's for more health related issues (a big nose can cause air blockage to your nostrils? yikes). I will make a small exception for over obsessive people who go get cosmo surgery constantly for no reason, like MJ or one woman on CNN who admitted that she did nearly THIRTY surgeries; all of them for non-health related issues. That's when it gets unhealthy. Otherwise, I could care less what people do with their bodies. I mostly agree with Kesai on everything he (she?) mentioned.

Oh and nashville, watch your tongue. Considering Kanye's mom died during cosmetic surgery (which admittedly was foolish), your comment's pretty tasteless.

JT Mon, Apr 21, 2008 at 01:58 PM EST

Book #2 in the series:

What the #$@%& happened to Mommy?
By Priscilla Presley

Kesai Mon, Apr 21, 2008 at 01:17 PM EST

In any case I personally find women who age au natural and have confidence, a good head on their shoulders, and a strong sense of self to be very sexy and I find they always outshine people who try and simply buy sex appeal. I agree that for some people surgery may give them a little boast but I still think some people will soon find that their sagging tits were never really the issue to begin with.

Kesai Mon, Apr 21, 2008 at 01:14 PM EST

As for plastic surgery I really doubt anyone here is against surgeries for health reasons or the reconstructive sort as someone here mentioned excess skin after a successful but large weight loss, well at least I'm not. I'm not really against Plastic Surgery, but I don't think its the fix-all cure-all we suppose it to be. If you have self-esteem and body image issues I think its important to address them b/c surgery won't fix that. Humans are creatures of discontent you may find yourself obsessing over another aspect of your appearance soon after addressing one or find you are still dissatisfied with the original one. Sexiness and beauty are primarily attitude. Maybe some of you know a non slutty not so typically beautiful woman that gets all the guys.Its confidence and sincerity that's sexy. You won't necessarily be beautiful even if you can afford the highest quality surgery, if your attitude is unhealthy its going to sabotage all your efforts. TBC

GingerCat Mon, Apr 21, 2008 at 12:18 PM EST

Valerie, if you truly believe that people dislike plastic surgery only because they don't have the "guts" or money to do it, you are truly deluded and need mental help. To say that aging turns us into "caricatures" of ourselves is extremely screwed-up thinking. Aging is what's SUPPOSED to happen to human beings. It's plastic surgery that turns people into caricatures--look at Pamela Anderson, Joan Rivers, Priscilla Presley.
Go ahead and have plastic surgery if you want it, but to imply that those of us who don't want it have something wrong with US--that's just some ridiculously messed-up thinking.

Antoinette Mon, Apr 21, 2008 at 11:47 AM EST

While I agree with some of these posts in regards to parents relying on a book to do their job for them, I must disagree with a large majority these posts in which people are criticizing other people for their choices. Not everyone has plastic surgery to turn themselves into a fake Barbie doll look alike. I had to get a nose job, (ended up needed two), to repair the fact that I could not breathe through my nose. I had a rather large Italian nose so I thought "why not make it prettier if they are going to be cutting it up anyway"? Now my nose suits my face better and I am not so self concious about my appearance. Dont' judge unless you know why people have done what they've done to themselves. And there is the bottom line: they've done it to themselves. How is that affecting you? (As a post script I will admit it broke my heart a bit when my son said that we did not look the same anymore because I had my nose fixed and we no longer had the same nose.)

Yo Kesai Mon, Apr 21, 2008 at 08:28 AM EST

Ditto. You summed it up perfectly.

Kesai Sun, Apr 20, 2008 at 08:33 PM EST

People are always blaming the media & society. Well you & me, we are society. We buy the mags with stick figure girls, we buy the designer clothes, the makeup & pay for the expensive surgeries, we support the media & its continued distortion of beauty. If we stopped supporting them they'd move on to something new guaranteed. If we started demanding to see real women/men & then didn't complain about it we'd see change, the fact is when they do put real women/men in a mag (or a more real) we complain that their too fat or too old-looking, we slam celebrities who aren't stick thin & have eye lines & cellulite. That's why this crap exists, b/c we can't see the beauty in ourselves or in each other anymore. & ladies stop complaining about men, if your man is always fussing about your weight & threatening to marry a younger woman, you married a loser.I am not beautiful but my husband has never made me feel anything less, most men aren't dogs, its just that people seem to prefer those who are

LisaMama Sun, Apr 20, 2008 at 07:34 PM EST

Pure evil.

Valerie Sun, Apr 20, 2008 at 07:12 PM EST

Two points to make here. The book is silly not evil, and to the people who think that they are somehow above the vanity that precedes plastic surgery I'd like to suggest that they are either bitter because they are too broke to afford it, or they don't have the guts to go under the knife. Let's face it people you will under go changes in life to face and body whether through aging or surgery and I would much rather retain a youthful look through surgery than to change into a caricature of my former self. There are far too many injustices to focus on in this world besides who does what to their body. I hate tatoos, but couldn't care less about how many people have them. Why don't you all criticize people for dying their hair or buying a newer more stylish car or sticking with the latest fashion? Somehow it's ok to maintain everything else except our faces and bodies!! Even if women weren't subjected to constant scrutiny, I would still want to be happy with my reflection. Sorry!!!

Sun, Apr 20, 2008 at 05:39 PM EST

Plastic Surgery = Trying to make your life easier (in all aspects.

This book is like the plastic surgery of being a real parent.

Dont explain it yourself and deal with it like you should.

Get a book to do it for you!

Fabulous!

karen dusenberry Sun, Apr 20, 2008 at 03:23 PM EST

When I was 38 my husband said he was "going to trade me in for two 20-year-olds" after I turned 40. He did. I was single for 6 years and proved to be quite popular due to my youthful, fit and attractive appearance. The single men called average-looking, overweight women "watermelons". That's reality. I also teach and have a Master's degree. Now that I am 61 I just feel good looking youthful. My daughter sent me this link.

nashville Sun, Apr 20, 2008 at 03:03 PM EST

How does the book explain it "Sometimes mommies must risk their lives, well being, and families to look good" If you are getting the surgery for health reasons, I find most children understand health related issues, but the reason why cosmetic only is difficult to explain to children is that children are aware of selfish interests and hypocrisy. Even when parents do all they can to keep them in the dark. Maybe we should start teaching our children that, though they may be special, there are ways to be more special. Did Kanye's mom buy this book for him?

Sun, Apr 20, 2008 at 01:33 PM EST

There are somethings children should not have to be party too.
I thought children already had a book that did this "The Ugly Duckling" which if i remember did involve surgery at any point. What's next, a sequel "Why my daddy is now my Mommy"?

vilajones Sun, Apr 20, 2008 at 09:17 AM EST

Well I've lost a big bet. I bet my friends that during these times war, economic frailty, a generation of zero self respect, dirty politics and the now commonplace unregulated and unscrupulous media, NOTHING, I am mean NOTHING could possibly make my jaw drop. Until now. This is pure IGNORANCE.

Sun, Apr 20, 2008 at 08:24 AM EST

I am wondering as I read over everyone's passionate comments against plastic surgery...did you actually read the book???

RONS Sat, Apr 19, 2008 at 06:29 PM EST

Most of these women would be much better off spending thousands of dollars on therapy rather than surgery. If they are suffering so deeply from low self-image, low self-esteem and/or depression, it would do them and their children a world of good.

Huh?? Sat, Apr 19, 2008 at 06:11 PM EST

What I don't understand is why a mom can't sit down with her kid and tell him (her) what she is about to do, why, and what to expect after surgery.
I mean, how hard is that? Why do we need a book for everything?

jds Sat, Apr 19, 2008 at 02:49 PM EST

Lois Stern: There are two different publishing modes here. You are essentially acting as your own publisher, paying a printing service to help you get the physical books done. He is paying a large fee to a "publisher" who provides not much more to him than yours does -- sometimes even less. Those we still call vanity publishers.

Nee Nee Sat, Apr 19, 2008 at 12:41 PM EST

I had a hard enough time with my mom's constant criticism and comments about other people's weight, clothes and overall appearance. There is no way, as a child, a dumb book would have made me miraculously understanding had my mom opted for plastic surgery, unless it was done for medical reasons.

Ben Sat, Apr 19, 2008 at 12:33 PM EST

There is plastic surgery to fix a problem and there is plastic surgery to make yourself look "better". One is based in need and one in vanity. Look at the title and artwork and prove to me that this book points to anything but vanity surgeries like breast augmentation/enlargement, tummy tucks, facelifts or those types of work. If the artwork showed a normal person instead of this Barbie doll shaped woman who is destroying her child's self-esteem by convincing her that surgery is the way to go to get that "look" you've always wanted. See if you can hand this waste of paper to Michael Jackson's kids and convince them that MJ is more "beautiful" now than he was before.

Rasha Sat, Apr 19, 2008 at 11:37 AM EST

I don't think there needs to be a semi-scary book to explain why Mommy needs surgery. I find the whole thing a bit frightening and pointless.

rocked Sat, Apr 19, 2008 at 10:46 AM EST

I thought we had scraped the bottom of the barrel with self-help books, but I was WRONG!

surgerymom Sat, Apr 19, 2008 at 10:27 AM EST

I am a regular middle class working mom. I do not have a nanny or babysitter. I am not even close to being wealthy. I am happily married. And I am getting plastic surgery to correct a problem that has made me self-consious for the past 8 years. I think that a book like this to help me explain to my children why I have so many bruises and stitches is a help. I find it funny how some people think that it is only the rich who get plastic surgery. In reality, it is everyday people, like you and me. Sometimes it is to take off the sagging skin after significant weight loss, when the skin is no longer elastic (as in my case). And it does not always involve a boob job. Mine doesn't. Don't be so quick to judge.

George Leone Sat, Apr 19, 2008 at 09:30 AM EST

I think it could cause spin-offs:
http://www.236.com/blog/w/alex_leo/my_beautiful_mommy_5945.php

Lois W. Stern Sat, Apr 19, 2008 at 07:10 AM EST

Vanity Press is an antiquated term from a bygone era of publishing. With the advent of digital printing, many authors have taken that alternate route to print-on-demand (POD), I amongst them. Although offered a contract with a small, traditional publishing house, I ultimately made the decision to have my book published digitally, where I could retain editorial control, rights of ownership, and receive a greater share of royalties. I am glad I made that decision for myself. It is actually a more profitable way to go, if you are convinced you have a superior product, and my sales have born out my conviction. I have seen many POD books that rival best sellers, and despite Amazon.com's recent tactics to manipulate and control the POD market, it is definitely the wave of the future.

Lois W. Stern
Author of SEX, LIES AND COSMETIC SURGERY
http:///www.sexliesandcosmeticsurgery.com

Shawn Sat, Apr 19, 2008 at 01:09 AM EST

I used to work for a vanity press and when I heard about this book, I thought to myself, I bet that's a vanity book.

He paid more than a "few" thousand; he paid, probably, at least 15K for this book. Color is expensive.

But, unlike most vanity authors, he's gotten national attention for his book. That almost never happens at a vanity. Newspapers almost never review them and big book chains usually won't carry them.
I'm sure that actual text of the story is down-right awful. It could be a fun gag gift for the right person.

jds Sat, Apr 19, 2008 at 12:07 AM EST

Here's the most amazing thing about this: This book is not published by a real publisher, but a vanity press. The author had to pay a couple thousand dollars to get it published. Most books like this sell about a dozen copies -- however many his friends and family buy. But this one, being in the news and creating all this controversy...he might actually sell enough to get out of the red on it. Definitely luckier than most of these folks.

RayT Fri, Apr 18, 2008 at 11:57 PM EST

What a silly idea for a book: everyone knows the nanny, not the mommy, will have to explain the plastic surgery to the child! Also, the cover's missing the mommy's new boyfriend who's only several years older than the daughter. Cougar alert!

Lois W. Stern Fri, Apr 18, 2008 at 11:52 PM EST

As a former reading/special ed teacher and author of children's books, I appreciate the healing power of the right book for the right situation. I interviewed over 100 women while writing my book, Sex, Lies and Cosmetic Surgery, and discovered that some children experienced really distressing reactions, ranging from blatant negativity to total avoidance after their moms' surgeries. I imagine the author of My Beautiful Mommy had a sincere desire to help children feel more comfortable with their moms surgeries. If his book succeeds in accomplishing that goal, both the moms and their children will be the beneficiaries.

Lois W. Stern
Author of SEX, LIES AND COSMETIC SURGERY
http://www.sexliesandcosmeticsurgery.com

Bethann Fri, Apr 18, 2008 at 11:06 PM EST

Here's a question--are the women who are routinely getting plastic surgery to look "prettier" involved in their kids' lives anyway? Aren't they just letting the nanny raise their kids? The kids probably couldn't pick Mommy out of a line-up even with her old nose!

bluegirl Fri, Apr 18, 2008 at 11:03 PM EST

that is one of the sickest things i've seen in a long time.

OnlyDee Fri, Apr 18, 2008 at 10:53 PM EST

OIY!!

birdgirl39 Fri, Apr 18, 2008 at 10:51 PM EST

....ECHO....

birdgirl39 Fri, Apr 18, 2008 at 10:50 PM EST

Nix, I agree with you so much. See you in Greenland...

birdgirl39 Fri, Apr 18, 2008 at 10:48 PM EST

Nix, I agree with you so much. See you in Greenland...

Bella Fri, Apr 18, 2008 at 09:22 PM EST

It's a sign of the Apocalypse. I have no quarrel with peole who choose to have plastic surgery, but I do have a problem with a doctor who chooses to expose children to plastic and introduce them to potentially damaging attitudes about personal appearance. And serioulsy, look at the cover! The Beautiful Mommy is dressed like a tramp!

Em Fri, Apr 18, 2008 at 09:14 PM EST

I was going to say that I though the book fell into the stupid, but not damaging, but then I read the "not just different, my dear- prettier" line, and I decided that the book is stupid AND dangerous.