On the Scene: 'Idol' Top 9 results night
Apr 3, 2008, 10:56 AM | by Adam B. Vary
Categories: 'American Idol', On the Scene
It was a night of tears, fainting spells, tears, booty dancing, a human Ryan Seacrest, tears, and, of course, Dolly Parton (pictured). It was a night to remember, PopWatchers, even if the final result was as predictable as a non-committal comment from Randy. Unlike the last Idol results show I attended, this time I knew to show up early for the pre-taped segment, filing into Stage 36 at 4:50 p.m. with the rest of the audience, as Debbie the Stage Manager and Nigel Lythgoe frantically commanded us to please, please hurry to our seats, as they were supposed to start the pre-tape by 5 p.m. Once everyone got settled, I discovered two immediate surprises: One, the signage had significantly improved from Tuesday night, including "Hook'd on Cook" (but which one?!?) and this one, held by an 8-to-11-ish young girl: "Jason, will you marry me (in 15 years)?" And two, even though Dolly Parton was performing, the only two celebrities I counted in the audience were Chikezie and Robin McGraw, Dr. Phil's wife. I've decided Nigel is intercepting the A-listers as they enter the theater and keeping them in a luxury-appointed holding pen until next week's Idol Gives Back.
The pre-taped segment — which regular readers and eagle-eyed viewers should know by now is always the call-in Q&A and following musical performance — went off without a hitch. I correctly guessed that Syesha Mercado, David Cook and Michael "Haunts My Dreams" Johns were safe after they were called on to answer the viewer questions. All of the final nine dutifully head-bobbed to the Clark Brothers, who I thought did a decent job of climbing up from the Pit of Long Forgotten Reality Show Winners into the Pantheon of Respectable Performers Whose Albums You Probably Still Won't Buy.
As we head beyond the jump, I'll regale y'all with tales of Ryan's words of comfort to the people of San Antonio, my two favorite Corey the WUC moments ever, and what caused Debbie the Stage Manager to call for paramedics.
The pre-tape over, Ryan stuck around to tape some segments for, well, I know it had to do with the NCAA Basketball Final Four and something called My Coke Fest at the Coke Zero Dome in San Antonio. It seems Ry-Ry was supposed to host this event (music festival? corporate tailgate party? arts and crafts show?) in person, but couldn't since Idol Gives Back was now taping a large chunk of its show this Sunday at the Kodak Theater. (Yes, I'll be there.) So instead, Ryan had to stand stage center and read off copy about Three Doors Down and Coke karaoke rooms, and yet again, I had to gape at the man's ability to do his job so well. Someone had to. After finishing segment no. 1 in one take, Ryan stared down at the mosh pit, rolled his eyes and grumbled: "Brilliant! I can hear you say How does he do it?" By segment no. 3, though, he was flubbing his lines. "Mike Coke Fest? Who's Mike Coke? Let's do it again." Yep, Ryan's human after all. After he was finished, Debbie made him stick around even longer for what she kept calling "The Monkey Song," a bit for Idol Gives Back where he was supposed to lip-synch and dance to the Monkees' "Daydream Believer." Ryan lasted about three seconds, tossing his thumbs into the air Elaine Benes-style, before he begged off, apologized for not looking like a total fool for our enjoyment, and rushed off stage.
Then came time for Corey the WUC to finally — ahem — do his thang, and I braced myself for the obligatory "AwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwWWWWWWWWWW YEEEEEAH!" and audience forced dancing antics. Instead, he calmly pulled five people from the audience and engaged them in a rudimentary but still surprisingly entertaining rendition of Don't Forget the Lyrics. Then the Idols came back out and lined up, the judges filed in — Randy filling the night's almost-didn't-make-it slot — and we were into the show.
Was it me, or was that "9 to 5" group performance actually pretty fun? I guess the look on David Cook's face as he rubbed backs with Michael Johns — a combo of "What the hell am I doing?" and "Why am I having a blast?" — kinda made it for me. At the same time, I couldn't help but steal some glances at Chikezie, who was due to sing "9 to 5" this week if he'd made it through, and the guy wasn't so much clapping along with the rest of us. (Yes, I know, I was clapping too, but it was a group performance, and they came into the audience, so it doesn't count. Try to pierce that iron-clad logic.)
My notes for the middle part the show are pretty light. I had a right good chuckle coming back from an ad break when Simon grabbed Paula's chair and kept her from turning it to face the stage. And Corey had a delightful time talking with three young brothers from Ohio — OH! IO! (omigod, I know I'm from Columbus, but I cannot believe I just did that). At one point, Corey asked the youngest how old he was. Kid: "Six... no, eight!" Corey: "68, I see, I see. What year were you born?" Kid: "Ummm... 2000!" At which point, I do believe my hairline receded a full inch.
But otherwise, things moved along at a fair clip, and much of my time was spent in the dark watching all the video packages and the pre-taped segment from earlier. And then David Cook was safe — and let me say here that I'm truly sorry that his absence, which I noted in Tuesday's write-up, was due to a medical issue, and that I'm truly thrilled it seems to have been no big deal — Ramiele and KLC were in the bottom three, and we were into another ad break. And then, suddenly, Debbie was sternly calling for a paramedic; my heart dropped, and I have to confess my eyes leapt to David Cook. But he was fine. It appears a fan in the mosh pit had fainted (as my mom warns me to this day, don't lock your knees!), but she was fortunately caught by someone behind her, and the on-site paramedics were able to get her up and walking off the stage before we even got close to coming back on air.
Such drama! And it continued for the rest of the show. First, Brooke was bottom three'd and just could not stop crying, no matter how earnestly Carly, Syesha and KLC rubbed her back and fixed her hair. Even Nigel applied the usually fail safe paternal hand-on-the-small-of-the-back, to no avail. And all this was happening while the crew erected all the equipment and placed all the musicians for Dolly Parton's number in less than four minutes, which was quite a show considering it took 20 minutes to set up Jordin Sparks and Chris Brown's pre-taped number the night before, and they didn't have back up singers or a gospel choir. Then Dolly floated in, and I mean that quite literally; bless her, the dear woman looks like she weighs about as much as my down comforter. She made one last adjustment — hiking up her white-sequined pants — and pretty much blew the roof off the place. Yes, I was clapping, and I didn't even mind that Nigel was leading the way.
Once the show was at its final ad break, Dolly was zipped out of there, and all that equipment disappeared almost as quickly. Brooke was still teary, and Carly looked near her wit's end with all the backrubbing. (David Cook, meanwhile, complimented Jason Castro's boots.) When we came back for the final results, all of the Idols back on the bench looked crazy tense; for a moment, David Cook even clasped his hands together and grimly closed his eyes. After Ramiele learned she was going home, she was near bum-rushed by the rest of the women as the guys watched her Idol journey package back at the benches. Carly pulled out the big guns and repeatedly wiped away Rami's tears with massive wads of tissue like a woman possessed. As the segment wrapped to a close and the tiny ex-Idol began her swan song, the guys sauntered over to join the goodbye line — except for D'Archie, who seemed trapped in a loop of "whoops, this spot's taken, now this spot, now that spot," until KLC finally roped the kid in. Ramiele finished her song; the rest of the Idols formed a group cocoon around her in an apparent attempt to absorb her body into theirs; the 19 Entertainment end credit twinkle played over the speakers; and Ms. Malubay was immediately whisked off-stage. Annnnnnd scene! Phew!
And now, I leave you with this question: What would you ask Randy, Paula, Simon, Ryan, and the Idols if you were pre-selected for the call-in Q&A?
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