Can't wait for the new 'Top Model' season? Act it out with dolls!
Feb 12, 2008, 06:00 AM | by Michael Slezak
Categories: 'America's Next Top Model', Merchandising
Oh PopWatchers, dreams really do come true! Yesterday morning, I received in the mail a pair of MGA Entertainment's America's Next Top Model dolls! At long last, I, Michael Slezak, boys and girls of all ages can act out their megalomaniacal Tyra Banks fantasies on a series of four fierce plastic figures named Paisley, Sidney, Sienna, and Tascha. (I'm guessing that, true to Top Model form, MGA toyed with a fifth, plus-sized model, but cut her at the last possible moment.) After completing this week's challenge — wrestling Paisley and Sidney from their boxes — I skipped the photo shoot and went directly to the elimination ceremony. Here's how it all went down (yeah, those are my hands in the photo... and I am not hearing your judgment):
I have two beautiful dolls standing before me, but I only have one photograph in my hand. That photo represents the doll who is still in the running toward becoming America's Next Top Doll. The doll whose name I do not call must immediately go back to the Top Doll house, pack up her belongings, and go... back to the manufacturer.
Paisley, the judges look at you and think, "Pretty girl." Well,
except for the blue leopard-print bag you've so carefully attempted to
match with your tragic gauzy minidress. You've overcome so much in this
competition, including getting some of your hair cut off when we tried
to remove you from your packaging. When we reduced you to a sobbing
mess tonight during your evaluation, those tears spoke to me, and they
told me you are a girl who has grown as a human being in the sunlight
of Tyra's wisdom.
Sidney, you came to panel dressed like an Aztec cocktail
waitress, but when the judges look at you and the way you hold your
limbs in an uncomfortable, contorted position, they see a girl with
edgy, high-fashion potential. Or maybe a high-class call girl. But the
judges question your drive and desire. Mr. Jay said that on set today,
you did not show the required enthusiasm for Cover Girl Wet N Juicy
Tripleberry Lip Slicks. And it takes more than fierce photos to be a
Top Model. It takes product placement and an emotionally compelling
story arc.
So who goes home? The girl who wants this title so badly she
pretended to laugh at Miss Jay's nonsensical attempts at humor? Or the
girl who's not afraid of metallic fabrics or suffering a herniated disc
in the name of a good photo?
Sidney, the judges really want a chance to make you cry. Congratulations, you're still in the running toward becoming America's Next Top Doll. Paisley, we're through with you. You've been spent like pocket change at the vending machine. Goodbye.
Comments