'The Celebrity Apprentice' recap: The competition goes to the dogs
Jan 11, 2008, 08:04 AM | by Kate Ward
Categories: 'The Celebrity Apprentice', Mini TV Watch, Reality TV
Well, at least last night’s episode of The Celebrity Apprentice cleared up one thing: Nadia Comaneci actually does exist. One week after she was relegated to the background by the show’s producers, the Olympic gymnast made her presence known this week, only to get the boot for having virtually no presence. Not that The Donald’s choice to fire Nadia was necessarily the correct one: Usually a challenge that failed because of poor execution would lead to the firing of someone who actually worked on the production side of things. Not this time.
That's because the real reason the women lost was empty-belly syndrome, a malady that leads to overacting and fatuously coordinated apparel. But let’s look at the plus side of Nadia’s ouster: At least we won’t have to spend any more time reading those pesky subtitles. Because, let’s face it, if you’re watching The Celebrity Apprentice, you’d rather get a Lennox Lewis jab to the face than have to read those distracting words rolling across the bottom of the screen.
Dubious elimination aside, however, last night’s episode boasted a task that was an improvement over last week’s who-has-the-richest-friends challenge. This time, the teams were instructed to use their skills as kinda sorta celebrities to create 30-second commercial spots for Pedigree’s adoption drive. Hitting things professionally and/or acting opposite Danny DeVito usually doesn’t prepare you for a future in marketing—and it gave us viewers a chance to see who actually had the goods and who merely had an expansive Rolodex. On the women’s side, Telemundo exec Nely Galán took the reins as project manager, while the men chose Gene Simmons (pictured) as their leader, even though Lennox Lewis likes cats.
While the girls chose to meet with Pedigree official to talk direction, the boys—and by boys I mean Gene—decided to skip out on the meet-and-greets to get started conceptualizing their ad. In this little brainstorming session, we learned that Vincent Pastore is truly eloquent (“Boom. Boom. Boom. Dog. Dog. Dog.”) and that Trace Adkins gets testy when it comes to defending his ideas (“YOU DON’T BUY THAT VISUAL?!”). The men ultimately decided to take advantage of Lennox's size and unlikely affection for animals (“I like cats.”) and opted to film a spot highlighting the dichotomous image of the heavyweight champ playing with a puppy.
But before Hydra had their plan completely plotted out, they were interrupted by one of those annoying, nettlesome little things with arms and legs...what are they called? Oh yeah, women. Ivanka paid the boys a visit to check up on their commercial concept, much to the chagrin of Hydra’s project manager. After point-blank refusing to go into detail about their plan, Gene asked Ivanka whether her sisterly bond with Empresario would lead her to reveal Hydra’s ideas to the women’s team. Gene’s comments could indeed be considered sexist, but even worse, he delivered them in that leery perv voice that he’s honed to perfection. Nnonetheless, Ivanka left without a fight—after all, being a Trump, she's used to sexism, no?—and the men moved on to film their commercial.
Aside from one ill-conceived plan to film a scene on the streets of Manhattan, the men’s shoot was a walk in the dog park, thanks to director Stephen Baldwin (dream big, Stephen!). And then we learned this valuable little nugget of information: God apparently is a Southern man who is currently channeling his will through the voice-box of Trace Adkins. Okay, so you could say Hydra’s comparison was a bit over-the-top, but how come their commercial left me with the urge to adopt 100 puppies and listen to “I Left Something Turned On At Home” on repeat (God is apparently as forgetful as he is benevolent)?
Over on the women’s side, Empresario started out with a clever concept, but struggled after going back in time to recruit my entire high school drama club for voiceover work. I’ll just give those actors the benefit of the doubt and blame nerves for their painful overacting, since you really can't indict voiceover coach Marilu for the failure. Not only was the poor woman in charge of the actors, but she had the responsibility of crafting the ad’s script as well. Couldn’t have hurt to pass on some of those duties to Nadia, who was left to simply order food for the crew. Which, apparently, was beyond her capabilities. But even a bit of nourishment couldn’t salvage Empresario’s commercial, which seemed bound for trouble once post-production made it clear the ad was disjointed. Plus, I have to agree with Omarosa that broadcasting a photo of a dog foaming at the mouth isn't necessarily the best way to convince people to head to the shelters. Unless, you know, they’re fans of Cujo.
Once Hydra finished filming their spot, Stephen took it upon himself to kick everyone out so he and Gene could work on the ad’s post-production. Tito, however, wouldn’t stand for it, and led the rest of his teammates back into the studio looking like an elementary school bully searching for lunch money. But the grunt force of Tito and his crew was negated by Gene’s power of persuasion, and the group was once again booted from the production room. After seeing their ad, however, Tito backtracked, declaring he was so happy with the spot that he “went from a frown face” to a smile. Priceless.
The women, looking ready to take over for Joey Fatone’s background dancers on The Singing Bee, went into their presentation convinced of victory, and even offered up a radio spot and a proposal for Web advertising. Their video, on the other hand, wasn't quite as TV-ready, suffering from awkward transitions and those distracting voiceovers. Because, you know, nothing says “adopt me” like a dog with an accent more confounding than Madonna’s faux British drawl. Heck, a pet that sounded like Charo would've been more alluring.
In the boardroom, The Donald invited a George W. Bush impersonator
Macy’s CEO to help him with his decision (Donald Jr. must
have been too busy mixing volatile chemicals to create the world's most powerful hair gel). Though it seemed fairly obvious that the
boys would win the task—how could they not, with God on their
side?—Nely still assured The Donald that the girls would come out the
victors, even after the mogul aired the men’s superior ad. At least Empresario provided a good laugh, when Omarosa giggled watching Lennox on film, and noted: “I think you’re hot, but you’re married.” Not quite as good as Piers’ response to Stephen’s assertion that he’s worked in
film for 20 years (“Really?”), but funny nonetheless. Alas, the men
were crowned the winners, and Nely called Nadia and Carol
back into the boardroom. Nadia did put up a little fight
by claiming she always felt the commercial needed celebrity appeal, but
back-flipped as soon as her teammates revealed that she hadn’t spoken
up until after filming was complete. The Donald felt that Nadia lacked
a competitive spirit, and off she went. Farewell Nadia, we hardly knew—or
saw—ye.
What did you think, PopWatchers? Did The Donald make the right choice? Did you ever see Lennox Lewis as a cat person? Did you, like me, find Omarosa to be surprisingly charming this go-'round? And finally, are you ready to join the Church of Trace Adkins?
Comments