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All you want for Christmas (TV fantasy-wise) is...

Dec 21, 2007, 06:34 PM | by Katy Caldwell

Categories: Food and Drink, Inappropriate Crushes, Reality TV, Television

Takehome_l My TV Christmas fantasy goes a little something like this:

I’m in Home Depot perusing new bathroom sinks when--out of nowhere--I'm ambushed by this dark-haired guy with a British accent and a camera crew. He tells me he’s Andrew Dan-Jumbo (pictured, left), host of TLC’s Take Home Handyman, and he offers to remodel my bathroom for free! I feign ignorance (even though I think about the show every time I visit “The HD”) and we hop in his van.

On our way home I ask, “Is it okay if we stop by Whole Foods? I just need to grab something for dinner.” Andrew drops me at the store, I run inside, and while I’m perusing the wine section, I’m stopped by a blond Australian guy with a camera crew. This time it’s Curtis Stone the host of TLC’s Take Home Chef. He asks me if I’m planning a dinner for someone tonight. Again I pretend to have no idea who he is (even though I think about the show every time I’m in “The WF”), give a shy smile and respond, “Why yes I am. For my handyman!” Then Curtis says he'd like to prepare a gourmet meal for us -- on his dime!

Cut to my home: I’m sitting in a comfy chair with my feet propped up, drinking a fruity cocktail; Andrew goes to town on my bathroom; Curtis has at in my kitchen. Every now and again, they call me into their respective areas to show me some culinary trick or DIY tip. I act interested. It’s a whirlwind of heavily accented activity!

We take a break to eat the delicious vegetarian meal that includes all of my favorite things (carbs). After the best dessert in the world, I am presented with my brand new state-of-the-art bathroom (something Zen-inspired with a big tub). Also, Andrew tells me, the room magically cleans itself!

But wait, there’s more! Curtis tells me I'm getting a lifetime supply of expensive champagne, and we all drink a toast. Then Andrew surprises me by slyly remodeling my laundry room while I’m not looking! We drink champagne well into the night, sing goofy Christmas carols and…well, you get the idea. Finally, I hear them exclaim as they drive out of sight (that is, if I let them leave) “Merry Christmas to you and have a good rest of your night!”

Sigh.

Tell me I'm not the only one obsessed with Take Home Chef and Take Home Handyman. Or at least make me feel less ridiculous and confess your own TV Christmas fantasy.

midcxs nrxp Mon, Feb 18, 2008 at 01:33 AM EST

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GingerCat Wed, Dec 26, 2007 at 09:07 AM EST

If a "While You Were Out" carpenter were coming to my house, I'd rather Jason Cameron than Andrew Dan Jumbo. Jason is super hot and I think he'd do a better job. For the chef, Curtis is cute and I'm sure his food is good, but I think I'd rather Tyler Florence.

liz Mon, Dec 24, 2007 at 12:26 PM EST

There's just something about a man who can take care of business whether it's the house or in the kitchen and if he can do it with an Australian or British accent. Oh baby!!!!!!!!!!

Alvin Mon, Dec 24, 2007 at 11:57 AM EST

I'm also addicted to Take Home Chef. I think the idea is straight out of a porno shoot. "Lets see if we can sneak a quickie before your husband comes home!"

Cara Mon, Dec 24, 2007 at 09:09 AM EST

I’m walking to my apartment when suddenly, Sam Winchester tackles me into the snow! Apparently I was about to be eaten by some sort of scary snow demon, which Dean Winchester kills while Sam hovers protectively over me. However, by the time they’ve killed it, I have developed frostbite and hypothermia and have to be rushed to the hospital! I'm so bad by now that they send me to a specialist, Dr. Gregory House. House tries for days to diagnose me, all the while spouting off clever one-liners and throwing toy basketballs at people’s heads. He eventually declares me a lost cause, and I go home with a hospice nurse, Peter Petrelli. He feels bad for me, adorably terminal as I am, and invites me home for Christmas dinner. I go, and spend an evening with the gloriously screwed-up and attractive Petrelli family—then, at the end of the night, Dr. House bursts in with the news that he’s found a cure! I am cured, and then I marry House. Or maybe Dr. Chase. Or maybe Peter. Or Nathan.

annie b. Sun, Dec 23, 2007 at 06:20 PM EST

god katy, i love how you totally just insinuated a christmas threesome with these dudes. love the post! i could just go to your actual blog and tell you this, but instead I will here because I know you're checking the comments: MERRY CHRISTMAS!

Jaime Sun, Dec 23, 2007 at 06:01 PM EST

Right now, my TV fantasy is a quick resolution to the writer's strike.

SanAnto Sun, Dec 23, 2007 at 01:43 PM EST

hanging out with the 1997 characters of NYPD Blue cast

Matthew Sun, Dec 23, 2007 at 01:23 AM EST

Hang out with the characters from "How I Met Your Mother." :]

titila Sun, Dec 23, 2007 at 12:33 AM EST

omg!! lol.. http://www.funny.mactanque.com

Carrie Sat, Dec 22, 2007 at 05:33 PM EST

Tim Gunn helps me by a whole new wardrobe.

BrandonK Sat, Dec 22, 2007 at 11:56 AM EST

For a second I thought you wrote that Andrew went to town IN your bathroom, and I thought maybe this article was about to veer in a completely new direction! LOL

rachel Sat, Dec 22, 2007 at 08:55 AM EST

be careful what you wish for: ADJ came to our house 2 months ago to film a episode of THH and let's just say, I have never seen poorer work or materials used in a kitchen. it started falling apart about 2 weeks later and that was AFTER they came to finish the job (at my request, they were leaving the parts that weren't seen on camera in our tiny kitchen undone). And really, they don't surprise you!

Jean Sat, Dec 22, 2007 at 12:16 AM EST

I'd go with either Michael Schulson of Pantry Raid or one of the hunks who have been featured on Hot Guys Who Cook.

Molly Fri, Dec 21, 2007 at 11:04 PM EST

With Dec. 25th looming large, my TV Christmas fantasy is...Paula Deen is cooking Christmas for my 25 guests in my new kitchen...while I relax and greet guests in my great room, which has had a redesign by Decorating Cents...while wearing my new clothes picked out after a session on What Not To Wear, after a fabulous weight loss session from Biggest Loser...all paid for with proceeds from finally selling my carpenter husband's new construction after the miracle of "Sell My House" has attracted legitimate buyers in an otherwise dead market...Hey, it's my fantasy!

lunaburning Fri, Dec 21, 2007 at 09:34 PM EST

Christmas Eve cooking up something hot with Curtis Stone, and Gordon Ramsay. Yow, I love Gordon Ramsay. He's such a thug, but yet, so cultured. Lord, help me.

Valerie Fri, Dec 21, 2007 at 09:29 PM EST

Yeah, Andrew Dan Jumbo can remake my bathroom too ! Cute, funny AND handy... What's not to love !

filo Fri, Dec 21, 2007 at 09:16 PM EST

Hey, Sarah, you are sooo right. That Geoff guy on Ace of Cakes is too cute! I wonder if he'd come over and decorate a cake sometime?

PDub Fri, Dec 21, 2007 at 09:12 PM EST

that Santa brings a back nine order for Journeyman and a renewal for another 13...

Thad Fri, Dec 21, 2007 at 09:07 PM EST

Andrew is the perfect guilty pleasure, supreme.

mkatti Fri, Dec 21, 2007 at 09:06 PM EST

Sometimes I want Suzanne and Trinny from the old BBC version of 'What Not To Wear' to dash up to me, saying, "No, no! How could you go out in that?" And then they help me. And I look good. And become so self conscious, with the cameras and all, that I don't touch the Aunt Anne's pretzels. Weird, until posting this, I had no idea I wanted that.

sarah Fri, Dec 21, 2007 at 08:56 PM EST

Oh my gosh, when I watch that "Ace of Cakes" show on the Food Network, I want to go to Disneyland with that Geof guy. He's sooo pretty and funny. And quite a good dresser.

Bear Fri, Dec 21, 2007 at 07:28 PM EST

I'm at a pub in the LDN when I notice Simon Cowell at the next table and goad him into critiquing me. I sing my heart out to the chorus of "Jesus Take the Wheel" and Simon's so impressed he personally advances me to audition in front of the judges in my city of choice. Though I get through, America doesn't bite, and I'm the first of the 24 home. But Donald Trump so admires my tenacity he requests me for his show's new season entitled "The Surreal Apprentice" in which I battle for glory against the likes of Wanda Sykes, Brad Garrett, and the guy who cried over our treatment of Britney. Needless to say, I win, and in my first professional maneuver I hire the TV Guide Channel to make me look like Alicia Keys. The End.

whimsey Fri, Dec 21, 2007 at 07:13 PM EST

The only thing that would top that is if you were at HD on your way from being done over by Stacy and Clinton of WNTW. But I'll settle for Andrew and Curtis anyday.

Melanie J Fri, Dec 21, 2007 at 06:52 PM EST

I'll take any scenario involving Justin and Tommy Walker from Brothers & Sisters...Rob Lowe too! (except being another long lost sister):)

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