Happy Birthday, Kevin Smith!

TheBookPolice Tue, Aug 14, 2007 at 12:11 PM EST

Internet fight with the marquee...THAT'S funny.

I will eat for weeks on message board props from Kevin Smith. Too cool.

Of course, this could turn out to be like falling in love with a beautiful woman online, who turns out to be...well, Kevin Smith. I choose to be upbeat.

jessup Tue, Aug 7, 2007 at 12:32 PM EST

For whatever it's worth (nothing), Tom Strong can now legitimately claim to have fought Kevin Smith on an internet message board. Take notes ep sato, that's how it's done.

Beetle Tue, Aug 7, 2007 at 10:54 AM EST

Oh no; all caps! I am destroyed.

Tom Strong Mon, Aug 6, 2007 at 07:20 PM EST

I'm the one who called HIM a hack, so I am correct. My dictionary definition stands, not his bullcrap modified "cinematic" definition which was a lame attempt to get himself off the hook for being recognized as a mediocre talent. You FAIL Beetle.

Beetle Mon, Aug 6, 2007 at 12:57 PM EST

Tom, congrats on the dictionary definition of "hack." Note that Kevin stated that he was referencing the word in *cinematic* terms.
I expect this won't trigger an epiphany that shatters your entire world view; just going for some accuracy.

jessup Sun, Aug 5, 2007 at 05:50 PM EST

Yes, I did gush, but my problem isn't with gushing, if you like somebody's work, you should gush. But you're trying to claim that you got into some big fight with Kevin Smith, when in fact, you did not. You slammed him when you didn't know he would show up, and then kissed his butt when he did show up to defend himself, nothing wrong with that exactly, but now you're trying to claim somekind of worthless internet cred because you fought with him, I am just pointing out that you did not fight with him.

Of course, the old "parents basement" put down, I know I shouldn't have expected better from you, but I did. Now you'll probably brag about the day you "fought" jessup on a message board, and claim you came up with some witty retort, of course, not mentioning that it was the "parents basement", the most lame and unoriginal of all internet put downs.

As for getting your gender wrong, I do apologize about that, it was a 50/50 shot.

Ep Sato Sun, Aug 5, 2007 at 04:40 PM EST

Shucks, typo. Meant to say "Jessup, I'd dis on your azzkissing gushy mess of a message but"...

Ep Sato Sun, Aug 5, 2007 at 04:39 PM EST

Jessup, I'd on the azzkissing gushy message you just left for KS but your skinny white azz just ain't worth it.

For the record, EP Sato is a guy's name. Now, go back to your parent's basement and watch some more Jersey Girl before I pizz on your leg.

Kirby Sun, Aug 5, 2007 at 02:21 PM EST

Smith, Tarantino, and M Night all need to stop acting. It's clearly narcissistic. They are terrible actors. Even worse than Ben Affleck.

jessup Sun, Aug 5, 2007 at 11:04 AM EST

Hey Kev, the "ample butt" comment wasn't a slam against you, I was just pointing out that ep sato did a large amount of butt smooching, after she ridiculed you when she didn't know you weren't around. Now she's claiming that she had some big showdown with you, and that never actually happened.

If you're concerned about your weight, why not go on Celebrity Fit Club, I'd love to see you and Harvey go at it.

Again, I love your work, and you're not too shabby at acting either, you were really funny in Catch And Release. I haven't seen Live Free Or Die Hard, I just can't get behind going to see a PG-13 Die Hard movie, but I'll give it a looksee on DVD.

Elle Sun, Aug 5, 2007 at 09:46 AM EST

Kevin, all of your contemporaries (Linklater, Rodriguez, Tarantino, Spike Lee, Soderberg) have had very successful films, but you seems to be stuck below the 30 million domestic boxoffice level. Does that bother you?

Claire Sun, Aug 5, 2007 at 12:37 AM EST

Happy Birthday, Kevin. I always remember it because it's the day after mine. Hope the big 80's-themed prom went off without a hitch.

I, too, was surprised to hear that there were still tickets left (and a bit surprised at the snark of Mandi Bierly, but whatevs). Your Q&A's are genius and well worth that price!

heidi Sat, Aug 4, 2007 at 05:05 PM EST

Happy birthday Kevin! I love ALL your movies, your sir are a GENIUS! GENIUS!I tell you! best wishes to you & yours

Bubba Sat, Aug 4, 2007 at 02:09 PM EST

Ok, everyone gets how great of a cinephile you are.

Sure, he's had a couple of misses, but he's also had some pretty good hits in my book. I've really enjoyed all but 2 of his films so far. You could say the same thing with regards to just about any director in the world.

I caught "An Evening With Kevin Smith" late one night on Sundance or something and proceeded to laugh my behind off for the next 3 hours. And it's a big behind, too. I'm really looking forward to seeing the new gazillion hour sequel that just came out.

Tom Strong Sat, Aug 4, 2007 at 10:39 AM EST

No, Kevin, a hack defined in the dictionary is a writer or artist who produces dull, trite, mediocre, and unoriginal work. That describes every film you've made after Dogma, and especially Jersey Girl. I keep watching and hoping you return to Chasing Amy form. After reading that page EW printed from Zack and Miri, it looks like I'm going to have to keep waiting.

Laurie Sat, Aug 4, 2007 at 09:20 AM EST

Dear Kevin Smith-
Thanks for the shout out. I honestly don't remember my specific question, I just remember my disappointment at it not getting answered when it seemed all the blowhard jerks were getting theirs answered. I am sure it had something to do with the then future Clerks 2 and a plot point. All in the past.
PS I really liked you in Catch & Release. It is not normally my type of flick, but it was safe to watch with my neices vs watching HS Musical one more time, God forbid. Only six more years and they will both be old enough to handle an uncensored Mallrats or a Dogma. I have never seen Jersey Girl so I cannot comment on its craptacular or awesomeness, but would it be neice safe? They are late elementary age. I would like to expose them to George Carlin while they are young. Thanks in advance.

Kevin Smith Fri, Aug 3, 2007 at 05:47 PM EST

Tom Strong: Dirty jokes and run-on sentences DO equal great writing to some. I've got awards to prove it.

GingerCat: As I posted below, tickets were all, indeed, sold out (the marquee said "KEVIN SMITH: SOLD OUT"; I immediately got into an internet debate with said marquee). Also, as mentioned, I didn't set the ticket prices. Thank you for the Happy Birthday and interest in what's next.

Stephanie T.: I wanna have your babies.

Francisco: I shall try, sir. Many thanks.

And Bernardin... were you behind this?

Kevin Smith Fri, Aug 3, 2007 at 05:43 PM EST

Ceballos: While we did bring the script in to Miramax, that movie would've gotten made somewhere, sooner or later. It was too good not to.

Tom Strong: A hack, in cinematic terms, is a director who takes a job for the money. A hack also doesn't usually write the script for whatever they're directing: they're a director-for-hire of easily-programable fare. I can be accused of many things (being a lazy filmmaker; a sh*t filmmaker; a retarded filmmaker), but calling me a hack is like calling a volunteer fire-fighter a capitalist - it just doesn't apply or make much sense. As for the "loser" charge... I wish. I've put on 30 pounds in the last few months. I believe that makes me a "gainer".

TheBookPolice: Believe it or not, you're the first person to say that to me (even in writing). You always remember your first.

Rose: You're too kind. Many thanks.

Dio_K: You can't change someone's opinion. Best to not even try.

Kevin Smith Fri, Aug 3, 2007 at 05:29 PM EST

Thanks for the shout-out EW. Much appreciated.

A correction and some comments:

- Despite what's written above, all tickets were, indeed, sold out. Some of the seats were pricey, yes, but I wasn't in charge of choosing the pricing structure; that was the theater's choice.

- Ep Sato: I dug the Haiku, though you afford me far too much credit. And no sweat: you're free to hate "Jersey Girl"; it's not an exclusive fraternity.

- Ceballos: you, too, are a poet.

- Phil: as much as I enjoyed the Q&A last night, you were spot-on: ComiCon was more fun.

- Dio_K: I heart you.

- Winona: You're out of your mind; there was no black bowling shirt. Other than that, you nailed my ensemble. Illinois Wesleyan forever!

- Laurie: what was your question?

- Jessup: you're right... my butt is ample. *sigh*

- Steve: No one said anything about me being famous.

Vivi: NSFW means Not Safe For Work.

Seattle Moviegoer: I don't know why this was a news item, but I appreciated it. Slow news day.

Francisco Fri, Aug 3, 2007 at 10:46 AM EST

Happy Birthday! Thanks for the great films. Hope you have a great year.

Stephanie T. Fri, Aug 3, 2007 at 09:59 AM EST

Happy Birthday, Lunchbox! At least there is still a decent director besides Judd Aptow with a witty sense of humor.

GingerCat Fri, Aug 3, 2007 at 08:03 AM EST

I'd say, "Happy birthday Kevin, and thanks for Chasing Amy, Dogma, Clerks, and Clerks II. Can't wait to see what movie you make next."
And I, for one, AM surprised there are still tickets available for his Q&A. His talks are hilarious and are usually well-attended. Perhaps a lot of his fans just can't afford the $75. Lower the price, dude!

Tom Strong Fri, Aug 3, 2007 at 12:36 AM EST

Dio_K, you just nullified yourself equating Jersey Girl with Chasing Amy. They are lightyears apart.

Dirty jokes and run-on sentences do not equal great dialog.

Dio_K Thu, Aug 2, 2007 at 08:53 PM EST

Everyone is entitiled to their own opinions. It used to be a free country. But hack? C'mon. He's in my list of top five filmmakers. Michael Bay makes some gorgeous looking movies, but he's not even in the top 25 for me. It's more than how a movie looks that makes it great. Kevin writes some of the best dialog on the planet and his movies have great pace and structure. Okay, and I loved Jersey Girl almost as much as Chasing Amy. So whadaboutid?

Rose Thu, Aug 2, 2007 at 08:30 PM EST

Kevin Smith writes some of the best dialog, hands down. He writes how a lot of people speak and he's helped make geeks cool. His sessions at Comic Con are huge.

Happy Birthday big guy!

PS Affleck and Damon should kiss his feet. He gave them their start, not the other way around.

TheBookPolice Thu, Aug 2, 2007 at 08:19 PM EST

37??

Tom Strong Thu, Aug 2, 2007 at 08:06 PM EST

$75 to hear him blab on his birthday? What a loser. And a hack filmmaker.

Ceballos Thu, Aug 2, 2007 at 06:38 PM EST

NSFW = Not Safe For Work

Ceballos Thu, Aug 2, 2007 at 06:37 PM EST

Actually Steve, (and someone else can correct me if I'm wrong,) but I'm pretty sure that it was Kevin Smith's juice that helped Damon and Affleck get "Good Will Hunting" made.

In that case maybe Damon and Affleck are as famous as they are today because they're friends with Kevin Smith.

SeattleMoviegoer Thu, Aug 2, 2007 at 06:36 PM EST

so, why is this a news item?
why should anyone care about his birthday party?
this reminds me of a large feature article in USA TODAY a while back that reported on a large birthday bash for David Arquette.
Sign of the times. With Ingmar Bergman and Antonioni passing, this is what we have left...

Vivi Thu, Aug 2, 2007 at 06:35 PM EST

What does NSFW mean, ya'll?

Steve Thu, Aug 2, 2007 at 06:10 PM EST

Wait, why is this guy famous - cause he is friend's with damon and affleck or cause he made one good movie YEARS ago - clerks. Please advise.

jessup Thu, Aug 2, 2007 at 05:32 PM EST

Ep Sato, stop trying to earn street cred claiming that you fought with him about Jersey Girl. I was here that night, you trashed him and the movie, and then as soon as he showed up, you kissed his ample butt, gushing about how awesome it was just to have a chance to talk to him.

Oh, and happy birthday Kev, I love your work, even Jersey Girl, except for the Jennifer Lopez parts, I wish you had reshot those with Salma Hyek.

Laurie Thu, Aug 2, 2007 at 05:16 PM EST

Kevin I will always remember when you showed up on the popwatch boards and did not answer my question, but that is okay because The Randall will always be in my heart. Happy Birthday. Holy cr** I cannot believe you are 37.

Winona Thu, Aug 2, 2007 at 04:54 PM EST

Happy Birthday, Kevin, owner of an honorary doctorate from my alma mater, Illinois Wesleyan University! Gee, I wonder what Kevin will wear to the party... hmm, how about Vans, really long shorts, a black bowling shirt and a trench coat, perhaps?

Dio_K Thu, Aug 2, 2007 at 04:41 PM EST

Happy B-day, Kevin!!!! My homage haiku:
I love kevin smith
a surprising romantic
crude and smart cutie

Thank god, you're way more talented at film than I am at poetry. I love your stuff. Thank you!

Phil Thu, Aug 2, 2007 at 04:25 PM EST

Happy bday Kevin! Thanx for the wide range of comedies, the few dramadies we coulda done without, and hopefully you're celebrating tonight, like you're LIVING FREE of the fear of DYING HARD! Your cameo was one of the few highlights of the summer movie season!! You probably had more fun at Comic Con last week than you will tonight...

Ceballos Thu, Aug 2, 2007 at 03:52 PM EST

Happy birthday Kevin Smith!

Your films are known for,
their crude, clever dialogue
he gets almost none.

Ep Sato Thu, Aug 2, 2007 at 03:44 PM EST

A haiku for my main man KS:

independent flick
maker makes it possible
for all to film them

And should the brother read this, I still hate Jersey Girl but always felt bad about fighting with KS about it. Clerks II was awesome, I've loved all his cameos and bought a bunch of View Askewniverse action figures to repent.