Toy review: The new Transformers
Jul 6, 2007, 11:30 AM | by Adam B. Vary
Categories: Transformers
A few months ago, I was at a party hosted by a hipster friend who also happens to be the sort of twentysomething guy who impulse-buys a shiny new Transformer toy and proudly places it on his shelves — and I made the mistake of picking one up. Three hours later, I'd worked my way through his entire collection, transforming each into its vehicle and back again.
More to the point, when I came up for air, I realized I'd been joined by most every other twentysomething dude in attendance that night. As I looked around me at this group of ostensibly grown men fixated with giddy concentration on complex contraptions of interlocking plastic, I realized two immediate truths: One, Michael Bay's impending Transformers movie was just about certain to make a gargantuan amount of money. And two, I needed to call toymaker Hasbro to get my hands on the new Transformers as soon as they were available. I mean, to review them. Professionally. For other people to read.
With my first insight apparently bearing considerable fruit, it seemed well past time to give you the 411 on some of those new toys. So, after the jump, I unabashedly dive into the new designs Hasbro's cooked up for Blackout (the nasty military helicopter Decepticon that opens the movie), Bumblebee (the Chevy Camaro Autobot and BFF of Shia LaBeouf's character), Megatron (the chief Decepticon baddie) and Optimus Prime (the cover subject of this week's EW and the real hero of Transformers).
BLACKOUT (Movie Voyager Version, $19.99)
THE VEHICLE: A Marine "Pave Low"
Helicopter, and a pretty bitchin' one at that, for one good reason: A
button on the tail lets you manually spin the chopper blades, so you
can "fly" Blackout all through your office basement.
Awesome. A bonus: A basket in the tail drops a mini Scorponok — the
nasty scorpion-looking Decepticon that gives Josh Duhamel so much guff
in the desert — into the fray... on your kitchen table.
THE TRANSFORMATION: The chr-chr-CHOR-chr-CHR! factor (you
know, the noise all Transformers make while transforming) isn't all
that thrilling for Blackout — his arms have to do a weird windmill
thing to get set up, and those chopper blades get in the way (and often
fall off) even when they're folded back.
THE ROBOT: Eh. The package says Blackout's the largest of the
Decepticons, but as the previous photo demonstrated, not so much in the
toy world. You can also detach his chopper blades, mount them on one
shoulder and create... the most ungainly weapon ever.
GRADE: B-
BUMBLEBEE (Movie Deluxe Version, $9.99)
THE VEHICLE: Here's the thing. I take Bumblebee out of his
package, admire the somewhat subtle distressing on the "old fashioned"
Camaro's, er, "paint job," and then promptly transform him into the
robot version (more on that in a sec). But when I go to fold 'n' bend
him back into the car, I can't seem to get the front part to lock in
place. No matter what I try, it just wants to remain pulled down.
Somehow, right out of the box, I broke Bumblebee. I'll give Hasbro the
benefit of the doubt, though, and blame my overeager fingers for
busting the mysterious cheap plastic nub that apparently holds
everything together.
THE TRANSFORMATION: By far the easiest of this bunch to figure
out, and yet I still had to marvel at the unexpected way the back end
unfolded to become Bumblebee's feet.
THE ROBOT: Perhaps because Hasbro kept things so simple with
this toy, he ends up the one who most resembles ILM's giga-pixeled
version in Bay's movie. Plus, he comes with two spring loaded guns that
pack a slightly unnerving wallop for something so small.
GRADE: B
MEGATRON (Movie Leader Version, $39.99)
THE VEHICLE: Part of this isn't Hasbro's fault. In an effort to
inject at least some logic into the Transformers world, the filmmakers
decided Megatron would not become a tiny pistol for someone else to
hold as he did in the original cartoon series — something about how
that is defying the laws of physics or some such scientific
hoobedegoo. And since the film's plot prevented the top-dog Decepticon
from ever interfacing with Earth's technology, Megatron now transforms
into what I can only assume is a fighter jet on his home planet of
Cybertron. All that said, this massive hunk of cluttered, pointy gray
plastic is pretty darn fugly — a great example of when "more" does not
equal "better."
THE TRANSFORMATION: Going from vehicle to robot is surprisingly
swift, especially considering that when I first set forth to turn him
from robot (as he came out of the box) into vehicle, it took me, no
kidding, the better part of an hour to do so. Hasbro's got
Megatron contorting into positions a master yoga instructor would shy
away from, and the aforementioned payoff is not really worth all the
headache.
THE ROBOT: Still way too much going on here, and he barely
resembles his cinematic rendering, but at least it's more interactive:
Meggy's right arm becomes a chain-whip, his left some sort of fusion
canon, and a button on his chest spreads clear plastic wings in his
back while unleashing a rather nasty, hawk-like scream. Seems about
right for the baddest 'bot in all the galaxy. Besides, you certainly do
get a lot of toy for your money.
GRADE: C+
OPTIMUS PRIME (Movie Leader Version, $39.99)
THE VEHICLE: Ahhh, that's more like it. In stark contrast to Megatron's gaudy Cybertronian airplane, Prime becomes a sizable and
solid semi-truck cab that looks quite a bit like its filmic
counterpart. Real rubber wheels, a button for an electronic truck horn
that also lights up the cab, a smokin' red-and-blue flame paint job—now
this is some vehicle!
THE TRANSFORMATION: There's no getting around it: Optimus is one
complex dude to transform. His rear wheels have to be pulled and folded
and attached to the legs, but not before the legs are moved back and
forth and back again while his hands are pulled out from inside his arm
and his head popped up from inside the cab. It is lengthy and seems
hard to master, but it's really not that bad. Besides, the way
everything just fits is some kind of crazy ingenious — like a kick-ass Rubik's Cube with guns, wheels, and a much better name.
THE ROBOT: Like most of the toys, he's not quite like the movie
version — for one thing, there's no lips on this Optimus Prime. But he
stands tall and strong, with a quick-shootin' gun at the ready and a
coolness factor that's off the scale. Am I totally geeking out here?
You bet I am. It's frakkin' Optimus Prime, and as far as I'm concerned,
Hasbro got this one near perfect. Work time's over. Let's play!
GRADE: A-
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