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Rosie can't spell "are," can write poems about Paula

Jul 31, 2007, 04:50 PM | by Annie Barrett

Categories: Web/Tech

Rosie_l 'Tis a time of pop-culture poetry in all the land! Last night, Stephen Colbert delivered a Petrarchan sonnet during his face time with Jon Stewart ("Damn you, I said Elizabethan!" he shouted angrily at his writing staff... or was it the other way around? Damn you, Tylenol P.M.!). And this morning, we were treated to another of Rosie O'Donnell's beautiful poems — this time, about Paula Abdul. Rosie admits she sometimes sees herself in the way Paula brutally lashed out at her new decorator on Hey Paula last week. Only Rosie did it with a stoner-fabulous Jet Ski wrangler. It's by far, my fave verse:

in key west i rented jet skis
we own jet skis in miami
i know jet skis
go away kid

It's so cryptic. Like, I know she's saying "I know all about Jet Skis," now that I've done a close reading (or seven). But the first time, I totally thought she was, like, "I know, jet skis, who am I kidding with the jet skis? Stop making fun of me, kid!"

Which raises this important question... Jet Skis: Cool? Or lame?  An informal poll of 10 peeps around here produced these results:

Lame: 80 percent
Cool: 10 percent
"I don't care for the sun. Or beaches": 10 percent (Slezak = LAME; answer the  question!)

Also, who else should be writing poetry blogs? Come on, Stevie Nicks, I know you have a computer!

jnzly qxvgfnl Fri, Feb 22, 2008 at 01:31 PM EST

sfnk xrhotw emhbzsx nohmay ndyrz nrschw dveiyojnl

Wed, Aug 1, 2007 at 03:13 PM EST

Ive had enough of this woman to last a lifetime. I dont even understand what her poem is about, but honestly, after hearing her on the View for a year--I say I judged you harshly Star Jones.

I doubt she ever wished cancer on anyone.

Fatima Wed, Aug 1, 2007 at 01:46 PM EST

I AM SHOCKED!!....by the jetski hate! I friggin love those things! I don't know who couldn't. Although this could because I've only been on one twice in my life.

Rosie makes me laugh...and i have to say its in a good way.

GeeMoney Wed, Aug 1, 2007 at 11:27 AM EST

Can we find Rosie some work or something? I get tired hearing and reading her inane blogs. Get a day job, already!

Louise Wed, Aug 1, 2007 at 08:36 AM EST

I'm going with Slezak's answer. I'm an indoor girl.

case Tue, Jul 31, 2007 at 10:14 PM EST

Don't beleive a word she say's cause she told people on the veiw she suffers from mental depression. She treats everybody like dirt. hopefully she'll take herself out of the gene pool sooner then later

Martha Tue, Jul 31, 2007 at 08:29 PM EST

Jet Skis definitely = lame... all they do is zoom around the lake near my in-laws' and scare the wildlife. Gotta go with the sailboat or the kayak, although maybe those water motorcycles work better in the ocean.

In the spirit of a recent PW post, R. Kelly would be an interesting poet...the construction might not be any better than Rosie's but the content would be *way* more interesting.

darf Tue, Jul 31, 2007 at 05:52 PM EST

The point is that it's summer! I say jet skis = lame, but that's probably because I don't have one.

Stephen Tue, Jul 31, 2007 at 05:25 PM EST

What the f*** is the point of this post? I don't want actors to write poetry, they'd suck it up. (Thanks, Jewel).

Ceballos Tue, Jul 31, 2007 at 05:03 PM EST

The EW staff needs to get out more because riding Jet skis rule!


One of the most fun times in my life was me and three friends doing a jet ski race on the Gulf of Mexico three years ago. I'm terrified of getting on a motorcyle, but I imagine riding a jet ski is much like riding a motorcyle. The only difference is that if you fall, you'll just wipe out on water and be fine (if you're wearing a life vest), whereas if you wipe out on a motorcyle you could be done permanently.


On a related topic, is there any way i can get you guys to stop blogging about Rosie F. O'Donnell?

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