'Age of Love': Getting physical in week 4
Jul 10, 2007, 07:18 PM | by Chris Schonberger
Categories: Reality TV, Sports
Wimbledon is over, but fear not, tennis fans: the
''Cougars vs. Kittens'' Davis Cup of Love is in full swing, and the Poo's forehand
is looking strong. (Shout-out to Mandi for covering last week's madness and
introducing the incredible nickname. I was going to thank her by saying, "Mandi's
the poo, take a big whiff," but then I realized that a) it would be sort of
a confusing statement, contextually speaking, and b) quoting Kirsten Dunst
lines is never a good look, even if they're from Bring It On.)
With memories of Sunday's thrilling Federer-Nadal final fresh in my mind, I came into last night's episode of Age of Love wondering if the Poo feels bad about the fact that's he's no longer a big name in tennis. But which is better: winning five straight Wimbledon finals and being touted as the greatest player of all time like Roger Federer, or hanging out in L.A. with the handsome Mark Consuelos and kissing women of various ages all day? It's a tough call, but my ''Hawk Eye'' technology is telling me that the Poo's lifestyle is aces right now.
So where are we after week 4? With the Kittens moving in with the Cougars and Amanda catching feelings way too hard for a reality show contestant, the game is getting pretty physical. Check back in after the jump to see how last night's activities played out.
Triathlon The ladies had to tandem-bike, run, and paddle their way to the Poo's yacht for the chance to hang out with him for a few hours. As is always the case when people do athletic activities on reality TV shows, someone got taken away in the ambulance (running + enormous fake breasts = ankle injury) and the race was edited to look like the Ironman when it probably took about 10 minutes. Aside from Amanda (who, as Mandi points out, made the absurd claim that she is the least athletic, even though she is a dancer by trade), the Cougars seemed to be in much better shape than the Kittens. To be honest, this is fully in keeping with my experience. Girls my age are generally in horrible cardiovascular shape. I'm have no idea why... Anyways, when the race got to the water and they were all paddling along on surfboards, I started fearing/hoping for a shark attack, but then I remembered that they were in L.A. and not the Great Barrier Reef.
Tennis Camp The Poo got his Nick Bolleteri on down at the courts, opening up a free clinic where he hoped to produce the next great champion of his heart. These lessons would probably go for at least $500/hour in an auction, so I hope the ladies were appreciative. Coach Poo was really impressed with Tessa (pictured) for showing up in spite of her injury, but come on — she's on a reality show. What else does she have to do? In spite of her terrible groundstrokes, she later pulled out a Michael Chang-style underhand(ed) serve on her one-on-one date by telling Mark how much Amanda likes him. I'm not sure what her plan was there, but the Poo saw right through her games and "injuries" and boldly peaced her out. Respect.
Making Out The Poo's tennis career may be history, but his tonsil hockey days are far from over. The show is quickly becoming about little more than making out — who does he kiss, who kisses him, and who does he "kiss kiss." Despite being named after a city in the Poo's native Australia, Adelaide got booted for poor lip service, while Jayanna knew just how to keep him wanting more. I have no reservations about saying that I, too, would like to kiss Jayanna, the fairest Cougar of them all. (Sadly, I must also admit I have looked at this photo gallery of "The 40s in their 20s.")
Final analysis Though his facial expressions can be as baffling as Jonathan Rhys Meyers' in The Tudors, I think Mark's getting a little smoother and more comfortable in his role as "player-coach." Still, his elimination decisions are somewhat inexplicable. Mandi thinks the producers are pushing to keep manic depressive Mary on board, and I'd tend to agree. Her attempts to holler at the Poo are painfully awkward, and she's produced enough tears to fill the 500 bottles of water that the ladies appeared to have in the house after tennis. But she's poised for a massive breakdown, and I think we're all excited for that.
What do you think, PooWatchers? Is there really anyone in the running but Amanda and Jayanna right now? Should there be a spin-off dating show with Rafael Nadal to see if women respond favorably to capri pants?
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