Snap Judgment: 'Age of Love'
Jun 19, 2007, 03:27 PM | by Chris Schonberger
Categories: Television
For those who missed last night's premiere of Age of Love on NBC, here's the pitch: It's
sort of like The Bachelor, except
half the girls are in their 20s (the "kittens") — and half
are their 40s (the "cougars"). They try to make moves on Mark Philippoussis (pictured, center), a 30-year-old Aussie who was once a top-ranked professional tennis player. Assuming from the get-go that all the girls would be younger than him, Mark thought he was on a "normal dating show"
— that is, until the producers executed a textbook drop shot on him and paraded out the, um, cougars. Game. Set. Match.
The first episode focused on getting to know Mark and the cougars, leaving the kittens to purr (ominously) in the background. The show crawled along with the predictably tedious introductions, annoying Apprentice-style music, and in-your-face editing (meant to play up the generational rifts). While the kittens donned bikini tops and frolicked with hula hoops, the cougars spent their hours doing boring, old-person activities like reading, knitting, and washing clothes. My favorite age identifier occurred when the wind kicked up at the pool and a pashmina suddenly materialized around every cougar’s neck. (By the way, the area around the pool is insanely windy.)
Some early revelations: None of the cougars actually look
their age (except maybe the one who got eliminated first — Oohhh, overhead smash!), the kittens come off like Mean
Girls rejects, and it's a surprisingly tough call to say which team is
packing more silicone. So what's the verdict? Check back after the jump for a
courtside analysis of the first set.
Foot Fault: The first date saw Mark rappelling down the façade of a building with three of the cougars, and it was about as exciting as hitting groundstrokes with an octogenarian. The premise of the date — that being afraid of heights proves you're old — is basically insane, particularly for reality-TV aficionados who know that Brooke from The Real World: Denver is the worst rappeller ever.
Unforced Errors: The lack of tennis puns in this show made no sense to me. Why would you create an absurd and meaningless reality-TV show concept and then show some uncharacteristic restraint in making hilarious jokes about sweet spots, mixed doubles, and Martina Navratilova. Host Mark Consuelos, whose teeth are whiter than the baseline on Wimbledon Centre Court, did mention that Mr. Philippoussis is searching for that elusive "grand slam in love," but that just confused me. Was he still talking tennis or had he moved onto baseball? If so, do I want to know how that differs from a plain old homerun?
Scorecard Confusion: There
is some seriously fuzzy math going on Age
of Love
that constantly makes you wonder, "Hold on, does the fundamental
concept of this entire show make any sense?" Let me break it down:
"Mark in the Middle" Philippoussis is 30. If a girl is in her 20s, she
could be any age up
to 30. So essentially his age. A woman in her 40s must be at least 10 years older than him. Ergo, he is not really in the
middle. QED! If NBC cared about scientific methodologies, the younger girls would be around
15, the show would be called "Age Ain't Nothin' But a Number," and the bachelor
would be R. Kelly (probably a much better show). As it stands, 40-30 makes a
more compelling match. Advantage, Cougars!
Cross-court winner of the evening: "Can you believe she has a 20-anything year-old son, because you look amazing!" — Kelli, 40, proved that cougars still know how to be catty as she made sure Mark had a chance to process just how weird it is that Angela's son is older than his last girlfriend (Alexis Barbara).
Player of the week: Jayanna, 39. The only woman actually in her 30s came out with an aggressive serve-and-volley game, serving the other cougars with a few trick shots — the damsel in distress routine atop the building and the poolside swoop-in (a classic cougar move) — and then displaying a lighter tough once she got close to the net.
NBC for the Nobel Peace Prize: It seems fitting that a network that uses an evolutionary freakshow like the peacock as its mascot would be interested in the fundamental questions of nature, but calling the show "the ultimate social experiment" may have been a bit over the top. And worst of all, they're not stopping at Age. The preview for The Science of Love, airing after next week's Age of Love, makes Monday night on NBC look like a Bill Nye marathon. This bachelor will date one girl chosen by his "instincts" and another chosen by "science" (apparently, instincts aren't "science," and relationship experts are "scientists"). Mark Consuelos oversees the proceedings again, with his teeth still looking like they’ve been soaking somewhere in a chemistry lab overnight.
Hitting the 'Net: Mark hosted a thrilling live-blog during the premiere episode. He answered hard-hitting questions like "How is your knee for the Newport tourney?" and boldly proclaimed that he doesn't mind if a woman is not into tennis—in fact, he would prefer it!(?)
Did anyone else catch the show last night? Are you setting the TiVo pass for a summer of Love, or is this new NBC lineup a double fault? More importantly, is America a better place now that the term "cougars" has officially entered the pop parlance?
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