On The Scene: 'Idol's most shocking results show ever
May 17, 2007, 11:04 AM | by Adam B. Vary
Categories: 'American Idol'
Yes. The answer is yes. As in, yes, the studio audience at CBS Television City Stage 36 was just as drop-jaw gobsmacked as the rest of you were that Melinda Doolittle took home this season’s Tamyra Gray Memorial Untimely Exit Door Prize. Past recipients include, of course, Oscar-winner Jennifer Hudson and multi-platinum rock star Chris Daughtry, so I don’t think there’s much Mindy’s got to worry about. I mean, right? She’s gonna be okay, right? She’s really gonna be okay. She is. Tell me it’s going to be okay, PopWatchers. Please tell me it’s going to be okay.
And with a deep, cleansing breath, and some soothing Rufus Wainwright on my iTunes to wash the curdled Idol Velveeta from my brain, I now return you to our regular scheduled results show what-you-didn’t-see recap.
I’d been told my press ticket for last night almost didn’t happen, so I strolled into the studio expecting oodles of celebrities stacked three high on each front section chair, only to see... Brandon Rogers. A popular Brandon Rogers, sure, signing autographs and giving Blake Lewis’ papa a big bear hug, but, I mean, where’s Orlando Bloom and Keira Knightley pimping Pirates 6: Electric Boogaloo? Sure, Dancing with the Stars runner-up Mario Lopez caused a minor explosion of shrieks when he entered, and LaKisha sure looked happy to be alive when she skittered — skittered over to A.C. Slater’s side for a photo op. But where’s Michelle Pfeiffer with her kids to remind us she has two movies out this summer and, more importantly, still exists? Haley Scarnato got a polite smattering of applause. Corey the WUC had to point out Josh Gracin before anyone recognized him. But would it kill even a B-list celebrit—
Omigod, a woman who was on Oprah is sitting three seats away from me! I know this because another woman sitting three seats away from me in the other direction recognized her and said hi! You know, I should dial down the snark, because I actually have to admit that for an entertainment journo who likes to think himself well past being star struck (Meryl Streep and Matt Damon excepted), well, I gotta admit I did get a little thrill at the notion of seeing someone who’d gotten a hug from the most powerful person in the world. (She’s not a star, see. She just endorsed Obama, so all these debates are clearly moot. She’s no less than a kingmaker!) What was the grand insight this woman — for the record, a Blaker Girl, replete with t-shirt to that effect — had about Ms. Winfrey? "Oprah is little!"
Corey the WUC went through his usual scripted routine, with one really, really disturbing deviation. At the end, as he was about to introduce the judges, he told the audience offhand to "check your hur" (that’s hair, btw) to be sure it looked good on camera. And, I swear to all that’s Mindy Doo, 80 percent of the audience started ruffling and teasing their hair in unison. I got chills, and not the good kind. Corey the WUC doesn’t know his own power. He must be stopped.
Finally, Ryan, Randy, Simon and the Idols get introduced, Melinda and Jordin entering holding hands with a jaunty Blake leading the way. Paula sneaks in through the wrong door. After a quick brief from Debbie the Stage Manager, Corey tells us that the opening is going to be a bit different, but we should all applaud when we hear, "This is American Idol." He did not specify from whom, but I think we all assumed he meant Ryan. So when Homer Simpson screwed up the line, no one cheered. We all just looked at each other asking, "Um, so, should we cheer now?" Debbie and Corey had to indicate that, yes, you can cheer now, you silly audience, you!
The judges huddled together during the Tuesday night recap, nattering about whatever it is they natter about to each other rather than pay attention to the massive show unfolding live in front of them. I don’t mean for that to sound bitter; more like perplexed. I’ve lost count of how many of these conversations/gossip sessions/world domination strategy meetings I’ve observed over the course of this season, and it just reminds me of those girls in the back of the bus during 8th grade who always seemed to be talking about interesting things but would always glare at me whenever I tried to join them. So, okay, maybe a little bitter.
Where was I? Oh, yes, the first ad break. Nigel goes up and gives each Idol what appears to be a pep talk, and then Blake works out his nervous energy by talking with Brandon. A (possibly) random woman walks up to Randy and flirts up a storm with him while never letting go of his left hand. It causes me to realize that the entire left section front row behind the judges is made up of young, pretty women with at least shoulder length hair. I wonder if this has always been the case.
During the next ad break, the judges bolt for the door, and Ryan schmoozes the audience surrounding the Idol Challenge winners by attempting to perfect the "This Love" he debuts later with Blake. Surprisingly, this tactic works, and the audience is utterly charmed. With eight seconds to go before the ad break ends, Debbie orders Brandon to sit with LaKisha for the cameras, so Brandon literally sprints across the studio to make it into the seat with maybe 2 seconds to spare.
I wish I could tell you how Blake’s father made it up on the stage after Blake’s going-home segment, but like Melinda and Jordin, I was too busy tending to my tear ducts so I missed it. (What can I say, crying dads get me every time.) Then Elliott Yamin performs — man, that kid is just a note hitting machine! — and Jordin, like several very vocal women in the audience, is so excited she can hardly contain herself. Melinda lives the performance with Elliott note for note, quietly celebrating every mastered high note, clearly pulling for him to succeed. (Really, she’s going to be fine. I mean, she has to be. Right? Yes? Promise?) And Blake, er, well, he looks disconnected.
And then something happens that I’d only be fully aware of after I got home and watched the show back with my neighbors. Apparently, when Ryan says that Melinda is going home — which to me made complete sense since we’d just seen Jordin and Blake do the same — a lot of people took that to mean Ryan slipped up and gave away the ending. Which, in hindsight, he technically did, but at the time that somehow didn’t register, even after I’d overheard a few of my fellow seat mates whispering to each other: "Oh, Ryan meant she’s going to visit her home town." Instead, I watched Blake shake off even more nervous energy by doing the running man and sticking his gut way out for Jordin to rub. (I just report what I see.)
After Melinda’s segment, during the penultimate ad break, as the crew set up for Maroon 5, Simon’s girlfriend Terri Seymour almost got cozy with her man until two VIP audience members came up to monopolize their time. (I gather they were VIPs because they had official Idol badges hanging around their necks and, more importantly, Simon happily held a conversation with them.) It takes me a moment to realize Blake’s disappeared. To where? Well, he emerges with a bottled water and a huge grin, and Maroon 5 soon follows, so I’m guessing he got to meet the band he’d only just covered the night before. I’d have a huge smile too.
Now, I know you’ve all seen Paula dancing during the guest performances, but until last night I’d never bothered to look over at band director Ricky Miner, and, I gotta say, for sheer entertainment value, the camera should really be on him. During Maroon 5’s set, the guy, normally so cool and composed, started to flail his arms like a drunk uncle at a wedding. Perhaps he’s always been like this; perhaps he’s a huge Maroon 5 fan. All I know is without a band to lead, Ricky let his inner spaz shine through, and if anything I like the dude even more now. Essentially because I’m all spaz.
After the set, the band all slapped some skin with the three Idols, Adam Levine (pictured) giving a quick bow and rock benediction to Blake. (Paula and Ricky, meanwhile, hug out their dance spaz connection — it would appear Paula noticed Ricky for the first time too.) And then, oh, then, the dreaded results.
I’m just skipping over the most painful part and straight on through to Melinda’s "journey" montage. Without missing a beat, Mindy walked over to tell to Ricky and the band she wanted to sing "I’m a Woman" for her kiss off, and for those of you who missed it on their TiVo — the one at my neighbor’s cut off the ending — she killed it. In more ways than one, really; Blake bequeathed to Melinda the finalists’ bouquet he and Jordin received during the montage, and when it came time for her to bring in the backup singers, Melinda was up that exit ramp bequeathing said flowers onto her vocal support group. What’s more, when the show was over, Jordin handed her bouquet to Melinda, who immediately turned right around and passed it on to the other two backup singers. The woman takes care of her own. Of course she’s going to be a huge amazing star. It’s going to happen. It must.
Before I had time to go sulk in my car, though, Nigel quickly collected the two finalists, Ryan and Debbie to stage the coin toss to see which of the pair would sing first Tuesday night. With the judges giving their final words of encouragement to Melinda (who, I gotta say, looked relieved more than anything — see, she is going to be okay!), Ryan got the honors of flipping the custom-made coin with Blake’s head on one side and Jordin’s on the other. Either Nigel hoped that whoever made that coin didn’t have a blog, or he had two other coins made for the other two outcomes. If it’s the latter, they’ve got to be the collector’s item of the year, right?
Blake won the toss and got to choose. His first response, with a nervous, cheesy smile: "Let’s let the producers decide." No, scolded Ryan (gently), it’s your choice Blake. "Do you want to sing first?" Blake asked Jordin. She shook her head as if she’d been asked on a date by a 43-year-old: No! "Well, okay, I’ll sing first then." And with that, the finale is on! We’ll be there Tuesday night in the audience and Wednesday in every place possible at once: the red carpet, the Kodak theater, backstage in the press room, one-on-one with the winner and runner-up, Simon’s dressing room, Ryan’s grooming room, Randy’s dawg pound, Paula’s throw-pillow room — everywhere. But will I care nearly as much about the outcome now that my Mindy Doo is on her way to winning the first Nobel Prize for singing? Can Simon carry a tune?
Comments