On The Scene: 'Idol' Top 7 Results Night
Apr 19, 2007, 04:46 PM | by Adam B. Vary
Categories: 'American Idol'
I entered CBS Television City Stage 36 last night to Michael Jackson's "Billie Jean" mashed up with Journey's "Don't Stop Believin'" — and immediately I knew it could only mean one thing. That's right, Corey the Warm-Up Comic was back! Ah, Corey, how I've, er, grown to stop caring about your repetitive, tightly scripted, get-audience-members-
to-dance-hip-hop-badly and then coyly-ask-prepubescents-
if-they're-single shtick. Fortunately, I barely had time to pay attention to it given all the juicy off-camera goings-on last night.
Let's start, actually, at the end: Sanjaya's swan song. It's provoked me to share with you PopWatchers an internal debate I've been having over the past month: Is the kid really that awful? Based on the studio audience's explosion of cheers and applause when Ryan announced Sanjy was going home, you'd think the soft-voiced 17-year-old was a puppy-smothering dictator being sent into exile. And before you protest that those cheers were for LaKisha surviving to see another week, I've been to just about every single results show this season, and I can tell you that not once before has the audience applauded after Ryan delivered the final verdict, let alone leapt to their feet in jubilation. (And it wasn't just LaKisha's posse that was standing last night, either.) I mean, Sanjaya may be the least talented singer among the Top 7, but he's by no means even close to the worst performer Idol's ever seen.
Part of what's got me so riled is what happened the moment after Sanjy, Kiki, and Blake (pictured, left to right) were named to the bottom three, and Ryan cut to commercial. To put it bluntly, Sanjy — who had continually impressed me with his unwavering pearly-white-grinned pluck in the face of so much media guff — pretty much dissolved right then and there, immediately convinced that he was going home. It was as if the weight of everything that'd come before finally pushed past that smile, and it was just a bit heartbreaking (and guilt-inducing) to watch unfold.
Thank goodness for Mama Doolittle, who wrapped poor Sanjy in her embrace and gently wiped away his tears. For the record, though, the best hugger of the Top 7 is Chris; the dude pretty much swallowed the rail thin Sanjy in his arms just before they came back from the ad-break. At which point Kiki lost her composure a bit too, smearing her make-up, which Mindy Doo then dutifully fixed with a well placed under-eye thumb-wipe. That's why you saw Blake doing the same to Kiki at the end of the show, by the way. Girlfriend's got to keep her face together, you know, especially since the stage manager had to physically separate Sanjy from her at the end so the cameras could get the shot of Sanjy watching his Idol "journey" with Ryan. Ah, TV, you relentless machine, never letting a moment of genuine feeling getting in the way of your manufactured sentiment. How we love you so.
But enough of tears. Before Sanjy had collapsed into Mindy Doo's arms, she had a score to settle with a certain Idol exec producer for that unconscionab(ly hilarious) stunt, making her choose which group of three was safe. Seriously, I really wish you all could've been there to see the look on Mindy's face as she raced down from the stage and started smacking Nigel Lythgoe with impunity. She may be nice, she may be modest, but you do not want to cross Mindy Doo — those were some fierce daggers shooting out of her eyes, and Lawd help anyone in their path.
I have a feeling, actually, that most of the audience had it out for Nigel last night. I'm not sure if you noticed — actually, how could you not notice that Fergie's performance wasn't so much with the live, especially if you've been a regular reader of these Idol On the Scene posts. But, see, they didn't so much clue in the studio audience that Fergie was not actually in the building when they announced the female Black Eyed Pea would be performing, causing several audience members around me to work themselves into an omigod-omigod-OMIGOD-FERRRGIEEEE! lather of twitterpation. When Ryan introduced the performance, and the lights went dark, the tension for the brief seconds before the giant viewscreen came alive were almost more than I could bear. I wonder if Nigel actually lives off of the "awwww!" of disappointment ringing up from the risers when Fergie appeared on the screen instead of the stage. (By contrast, though Martina McBride certainly impressed — and no backup band or chunky multi-colored bracelet needed! — I could almost feel most of the audience staring her down at first, thinking, "You're no Fergie.")
Oh man, I'm nearing 1,000 words, and I haven't even started the celeb count yet! Well, you saw Antonio Banderas, Melanie Griffith, Jeffrey Katzenberg, and Antonio Banderas' greasy ponytail (didja catch how they were musical-chair'd up to the front row from the fourth for their segment with Ryan?) There was also Kal Penn, Justin Long (who somehow got ticketed in the very last row and had to sweet talk his way to a better seat), former Idols Bucky Covington and Matthew Rogers, and Rich of Big & Rich sitting next to Cowboy Troy. (Big shout out to Judging the Judges panelist Amy Adams, who was also in the house and told me who Rich and Troy were, because otherwise I would've had no friggin' idea. What can I say, I'm a country music greenhorn.)
With my remaining 75 words, let me pivot back to Sanjaya, because I want to put it to you PopWatchers: Yes, on the whole it's a good thing that Sanjaya's gone; yes, he was all kinds of atypical for a reality TV star, let alone a pop music idol; yes, he helped cultivate that image with his multiple outré hairstyles and timid stage presence. But, cheering his departure as if a long national nightmare was over? Isn't that a bit... much?
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