Weekend To-Do List: Drunk and Drunker edition

This week, Danny DeVito went out to dinner with George Clooney, and this happened. On Monday's Today, Clooney will talk to Matt Lauer about the incident. We just received the transcript, and it's pretty cringe-y; among other things, the Cloon admits to pouring some of his limoncello shots into a nearby plant. Poor plant. Poor limoncello. Plant! Limoncello!

In that spirit, not that we are promoting binge drinking, especially not to minors, here's what to do this weekend if you're...

SOBER:

• Remember reading? Check out Dave Nadelberg's adolescent-angsty story collection, Mortified, which was on EW's Must List.
• Hugh Jackman's new time-traveling movie The Fountain is a little muddled, so you probably shouldn't be if you see it. Lisa Schwarzbaum gave it a B+.
• Did you know Noah Wyle stars in what is now a series of Indiana Jones-inspired TV movies as The Librarian? You do now. Return to King Solomon's Mines airs Sunday night at 8 p.m. on TNT.
• Get up. You're sober. Go shopping, courtesy of EW's holiday gift guide.

TIPSY:

• For Your Consideration. Obviously.
• Staying in? Try An Inconvenient Truth on DVD. You're two sheets. It might be funny.
• Music's always better when you're a little lit. Clipse's Hell Hath No Fury  and Tom Waits' Orphans both got A's from EW.
• Shop for gifts some more. Everything's online, anyway. Don't go crazy.

DEVITO:

• Borat? Eh, you've already seen it. So sit in the back (closer to the pissers) and act obnoxious.
• The AKC/Eukanuba National Championship -- two nights of live dog-show coverage -- requires little in the way of attention span. (Animal Planet, Saturday and Sunday from 8-11 p.m.)
• Yes, J.D. and Turk are singing on purpose (about their mutual "guy love") in this advance clip from the forthcoming musical episode of Scrubs.
• Cartoons. Must have cartoons. The DVDs for SNL: The Best of Saturday TV Funhouse  and Pixar's Cars both received A's from EW.
• Do not shop for gifts.