Because every channel needs its very own dancing competition show, TLC is now jumping on the conga line with what could be the Best.Dancing.Show.Ever. (If New York magazine can do it, so can I!) According to The Hollywood Reporter, production is slated to begin next month on Masters of Dance, a half-hour series that will feature six new competitors each week. But, of course, there's a twist. In the middle of each dancer's performance, the music will abruptly change. So imagine you're bringing sexy back to the pulse of a Justin Timberlake joint, when all of a sudden, a power ballad by Celine Dion takes over. I smell ratings gold.
No doubt producers will cook up some hilarious song mash-ups, but I want to know, PopWatchers, what dueling songs/artists would you like to see? Rihanna and Simon & Garfunkel? Styx and Britney Spears? Give us your best dichotomous duos.
A couple wed at the New York City premiere of Patrick Dempsey's romantic comedy, Made of Honor, on Monday night. I knew this was going to happen because I received an email from the menswear company Arnold Brant, saying it was clothing the groom in an Arnold Brant cashmere tux. Dempsey and costar Michelle Monaghan witnessed the nuptials — which Mary Hart officiated. Is this CRAZY or cool?
I mean, sure, it's a good way for the husband to be certain that his wife is committed to him (if she stared at Dempsey when she said "I do," I'm sure someone would've objected). It will be a good story to tell at parties for years to come. And Dempsey probably would have performed the African anteater ritual as a "wedding present," if you asked him to nicely.... Okay, maybe I just talked myself into it. (No, wait, not really.)
So, would you get married at a film premiere? And if so, who would you choose as your celebrity officiator?* (Not that I'm implying they chose Mary Hart.)
*Hey, I guess there was still an inane question left for me to ask on PopWatch!
Let's list 'em. I'll start with the excessively shirtless opening of last Friday's Moonlight (below). Not that I — or Slezak — minded. (And, hello: according to our Hollywood Insider blog, it might've just helped earn the vampire drama a second season.)
Your turn. Name your favorite gloriously gratuitous scenes. I imagine with Sweeps, the list will only be growing...
Fool me once, shame on Bret Michaels. Fool me twice, shame on sad, gullible me...
For some inexplicable reason, it wasn't hard for me to believe that an '80s rocker could find love on a VH1 reality show. After all, the former Poison frontman spent plenty of time waxing about not wanting a "Rock of Lust" or a "Rock of Like" but a true "Rock of Love." With sentiments like that, the bandanna aficionado had me drinking the vodka-spiked Kool Aid in no time.
Last weekend's mostly-dull-except-for-the-Heather-and-Daisy smackdown reunion special gave me little reason to question Michaels' intentions. In fact, he and winner Ambre seemed quite cozy together and even dished about secret trysts during their VH1-sanctioned separation period between the end of filming and the season finale.
But just as quickly as my rock 'n' roll love bliss marathon had begun, it came to a soul-crushing end after I stumbled upon a recent interview with Michaels. In it, he claims he never really came into the show looking for love. "I said this from day one: I went into this to have fun and maybe find someone to like," he says. "True love is not going to be found instantly on a TV show." Yes, that's probably true, but that's not what you said before! I cry foul! Michaels goes on to say that he and Ambre are not in love (they're going to see what happens), and he doesn't dismiss the possibility of a third Rock of Love installment, though he's now hoping to star in a new show called Bret Michaels Big Rock Road Show.
Who would rather watch a bus load of busted, middle-aged rockers instead of a bevy of dim-witted (but amusing) beauties? They may be vapid, but I'll take the Rock of Love girls any day over former rock gods wiggling in too-tight jeans and guyliner. What about you, Popwatchers? Bret's Big Rock Road Show or Rock of Love?
Friday night, while my sister was in town for a "Being Fearless" conference and listening to Mia Farrow speak about Darfur, I was lounging in her hotel room and watching the Miss USA pageant for the first time in at least a decade. Before you say, "I know who got the brains in that family," you should be aware that my sister asked me to watch it, and that she was thrilled that she made it back to the room in time for the Final Question.
This year's pageant, hosted by Donny and Marie Osmond on NBC, was in Vegas, which I'm assuming is why the 51 contestants started the show in skimpy, sequined cocktail dresses. Here, you can really appreciate the detailing on the bodices of their garments in this video of the Top 15. (Would it have killed them to pan up to their faces?) The swimsuit competition was full of amazing little moments as the contestants, clothed in faux fur wraps, black bikinis, and stilettos, worked the stage to a 10-minute live version of Finger Eleven's "Paralyzer." (My favorite moment being at 9:40, when a cameraman shot through a contestant's legs to capture one of the band members.) Next, came the "evening gown parade" to Rihanna's "Umbrella." I'm still trying to figure out why Miss Missouri thought it was a good idea to show her thong, and why Miss Oklahoma's cutout dress earned her a 9.318. Of course, only the Top 5 actually got to speak. I was disappointed that judge Rob Schneider's name wasn't one of the five drawn for the Final Question (embedded below). But at least we got Project Runway winner Christian Siriano! He asked Miss Oklahoma which famous person she'd like to help better herself. Naturally, she chose Britney Spears, which wouldn't have been a bad answer had she said that it was for the sake of Spears' kids and of the children who still look up to her. (Instead, it was so Spears could "go on to the next deal.") I believe Heather Mills deserves full credit for dashing Miss Pennsylvania's hopes: Mills asked her if it's a good thing that cosmetics companies are marketing beauty products to girls in elementary school. Pennsylvania's answer: It depends on the product.
Here's my question: Is the Miss USA pageant always this ridiculous*, or
did I happen to catch a particularly noteworthy year?
*Yes, I'm just jealous of their bodies. You're absolutely right.
Apparently, every Friday at about 5:45 am, if there are no major traffic snafus in the Cincinnati metropolitan area, the Local 12's morning news crew loses their effing minds.
I swear, if Al Roker ever busted out "The Lawnmower" on The Today Show, I would walk over to Rockefeller Plaza and kiss him on his shiny head.
ABC's summer lineup may look like a joke... but apparently, it isn't. You've got The Bachelorette (with DeAnna Pappas, pictured) bowing May 19 with a two-hour premiere. And then itwill stay two hours. WHAT?
The Mole returns May 26, but we can't even deal with that because of what launches on June 24: the one-two punch of Wipeout and I Survived A Japanese Game Show. Per Variety, the latter involves Americans being flown to Japan to compete in one of the country's someone's-getting-hit-in-the-nuts shows. I guess it was cheaper to fly contestants there than build their own line of spinning logs? A real-life MXC sounds fun on paper, but I don't know if the magic will translate.
The network is currently casting for the homegrown sister competition series, Wipeout. Allow me to quote from the press release:
Human cannonballs! Human pinballs! Crashes, smashes and mud splashes! Twenty-four thrillseekers will compete on an extreme obstacle course designed to provide the most crashes, face-plants and wipeouts ever seen on television... Wipeout features 24 daring contestants who attempt to conquer increasingly difficult but wildly hilarious obstacle courses. In each one-hour episode, one competitor will win the title of Wipeout Champion and $50,000.
I'm up for watching face-plants (I have no shame), but who's up for performing them?
My British friends Sam and Cat came to New York for a visit earlier this month, and since I forced them to sit through an American Idol results show featuring a soul-crushing Beatles medley, they decided to trot out one of their own guilty pleasures, S Club 7's "Don't Stop Movin'," a "Billie Jean"-sampling dancefloor soufflé that was big across the pond back in 2001 but never made any impact at US radio. To which I say, "guilty-schmilty!" Clearly, this deep-fried musical treat is destined for a spot on my iPod, perhaps on a trashy cardio playlist alongside Fergie's "Fergalicious," Billie Piper's "Because We Want To," and Mya's "Free." See, people, junk food can be good for you!
We all know that I (and Dalton Ross) are fans of Dolph Lundgren (in Rocky IV). But are we ready for his Command Performance? According to The Hollywood Reporter, Lundgren (pictured) is cowriting, starring in, and directing the film for Millennium/Nu Image (one of the companies behind Sylvester Stallone's highly entertaining fourth Rambo outing.) Per the trade:
Lundgren describes Command as "Die Hard at a rock concert," with the story focusing on a drummer for the warm-up band of a big
American performer giving a concert for the Russian premier.
Naturally, the bad guys break up the show. And just as naturally,
the drummer is an ex-Marine.
"I got the idea from Madonna," Lundgren said. "She did a concert
for [Russian President Vladimir] Putin a few years ago."
Lundgren will not be using a stunt double for the truly complicated
scenes, including the percussion sequences. "I used to play when I
was a kid. Now I play at wrap parties after I've had a few tequila
shots," he said with a laugh. "It'll be fun."
At first, I was going to file this under Things That Make Me Die Inside, but after further reflection... I would totally watch this on DVD. Discuss.
God, I hope he gets it... right. Does the world really need a muscle-bound TV personality (who paid his dues on Kids Incorporated and shot straight to C-list fame with Saved By the Bell) to step into the acclaimed New York company of A Chorus Line? Mario Lopez will make his Broadway debut as Zach, the director of the show-within-a-show who persuades auditioning dancers to talk about their personal lives.
Lopez' career has been all over the map for years, but you gotta wonder, how did Slater end up in A Chorus Line? At first I thought Lopez was too young for the role of Zach, but don't let his baby-face fool you — he's in his mid-30s. When he partnered with ballroom champ Karina Smirnoff on a certain ABC talent contest, his talent as a dancer was obvious. And I don't doubt he'll be comfortable giving direction and choreography to more experienced Broadway veterans (for proof, see this clip of Lopez on Megan Mullally's short-lived chat show). However, it's always going to be risky to cast a famous name in the role of Zach, since the point of this musical theater masterpiece is to focus on the usually anonymous chorus gypsies. (That's why scripting more Zach screen time for marquee star Michael Douglas helped torpedo the 1985 film version, although the Cassie flashback wigs must share the blame.)
I can only guess that the Broadway production’s creative staff began thinking of Lopez as Chorus Line material after his name recognition rose with each passing week on Dancing with the Stars; they probably envisioned him as Larry (the legwarmered assistant who drills the dance steps), or Paul (the shy Puerto Rican dancer), or Al (the buff guy whose wife can’t sing). But then they must have seen this cheeze-explosion (clip below) from the Oxygen original movie Husband For Hire, and said to each other, "Ummmm, yeah. He should play the guy who’s not on stage very much."
PopWatchers, do you think Lopez has what it takes to be a Broadway star?
Christopher Atkins turns 47 today, and the fact that the tribute montage below has been viewed more than 28,500 times on YouTube gives me reason to believe that I'm not the only one willing to celebrate his contribution to my coming-of-age in the '80s by ogling him in movies like The Blue Lagoon, The Pirate Movie, and A Night in Heaven. (Just typing that last one, I feel dirty).
I wish I knew how I missed him on Dallas, in a Speedo. Wait... God bless the Internet.
Because in the age of cable and Internet video nothing old is ever truly dead, NBC Universal has announced that it's going to be streaming free reruns of ancient series on its various websites — some fondly remembered, like The A-Team, Kojak, Night Gallery, and Buck Rogers, and some less fondly, like the original Battlestar Galactica, TekWar, Emergency, Tremors, Swamp Thing, and Simon & Simon. (The full list of shows and websites is here.) Which prompted this question from EW.com TV overlord Tom Conroy: Is there no defunct series so unwatchable, so devoid even of camp and kitsch value, that there isn't someone somewhere who still wants to watch it and will refer to it unironically as "classic" or "vintage"? Conversely, are there some old shows you're dying to see brought back, even if just on streaming Web video? Holla back, PopWatchers, while Adrienne Day and I jump up and down as we eagerly await the return of Buck Rogers' adorable robot sidekick Twiki (pictured).
Movies, TV shows, theater... if there's poppin', lockin', breakin', clownin', steppin', krumpin' or tappin' (yes, tap dancing. If it's cool enough for Savion Glover, it's damn sure cool enough for me), you know I'll be watching. Dance movies, in particular, are my dirty little secret. I blame it on the 10 years of jazz and tap lessons as a kid, plus another three years of hip-hop dancing in college. I don't watch these movies for the plotlines, I assure you — it's all about the dancing for me. And I've found that the more cheese-alicious the storyline is, the better the dance scenes.
So it was no surprise that I found myself powerless to resist the siren call of Step Up 2 the Streets. It's also safe to say I'm never going to get "Low" by Flo Rida out of my head. Ever.
Step Up 2: The New Class (as I've taken to calling it) was certainly diligent in its adherence to the dance movie formula. You know the one — the main character has something to prove to parents, teachers, friends, whatever... take your pick. How does he/she do it? With a dance-off, of course! Ah, if only problems in real life could be solved this way. "Excuse me, Visa? Yeah, I can't pay my credit card bill this month. But lemme show you these sweet moves I've been working on, and let's just see if we can't come to a mutual understanding, okay?"
I was trying to think of something witty and suave to go along with this clip, but the best I could come up with was "We have lip lock, Captain" and "Space: The Frottage Frontier." (Look it up.) Both of which kinda suck. So I'm going with what PopWatch poobah Gary Susman suggested: "Chris Pine has his work cut out for him."
The first two seasons of Perfect Strangers hit DVD Feb. 5, and while my upcoming review in EW will say that they're not worth buying — much of the slapstick is stale, like when Cousin Larry (Mark Linn-Baker) struggles to open a bag of potato chips in the opening moments of the pilot — you do need to see this Fresh Young Balki B (Bronson Pinchot) music video. And tell me what it's from. And why it's not on the DVD.
At a time of year when we're reminded of the best that movies have to offer, let's not forget that some of Hollywood's best have also had to say some of the worst lines ever written for the screen. Check out our new Worst Movie Dialogue Ever gallery — and then feel free to complain here about your favorite lame lines that were left off the list. (Me, I'm disappointed that we couldn't find room for any of the many howlers from Showgirls. Admittedly, most of them are unprintable, but one that's SFW is when Elizabeth Berkley's Nomi, pictured, is trying to bond with Gina Gershon's Cristal and squeals, "I used to love Doggy Chow, too!" Good times.) Go ahead, show us your good taste in bad taste in the comments section below.
I'm not sure about the health message in this ad for Kraft Singles -- expectant moms should live off processed cheese alone? -- but the baby at the end of this ad is so off-the-charts adorable, you will have no choice but to reproduce (or adopt) the minute you lay eyes on it. Either that or you'll end up ordering a grilled cheese for lunch.
Last night I didn’t get around to eating dinner until I settled in to watch The Biggest Loser. As
I happily devoured my pizza — what? Yes, I was eating pizza while
watching other people sweat their butts off. The stench of irony is
strong, I know. Almost as bad as eating a double cheeseburger and washing it
down with a Slim-Fast shake. Which, actually, I have done. Once. Only
because I had been on a liquid diet for a week due to dental surgery
and couldn’t resist the siren song of solid food in the food court
before I boarded a bus for a three-hour ride to Connecticut. Don’t judge me.
I digress. Anyway,
as I was savoring the cheesy goodness, I thought about how this season’s contestants got to choose their trainer and
I pondered, "If I had to pick between Jillian and Bob (pictured), who would I want making me do extra reps?"
Sure,
Jillian's hard-ass, take no prisoners approach would keep me
from slacking off (I really wouldn't have a choice, now would I?), but I
don't respond well to people yelling at me. This is probably
why I never joined the Army. Bob's sweeter nature and tendency to
nurture contestants appeals to my sensitive side, but would he motivate me enough? I just can't decide. What about you, PopWatchers? If you
had to choose, would you want Jillian or Bob pushing you to the brink
of exhaustion?
According to Variety, ABCis negotiating to resurrect Circus of the Stars, NBC is planning on bringing the foreign hit Celebrity Circus to the U.S. this summer, and CBS and Fox are showing interest in Big Top-themed pitches, too. It's a great day to be a D-lister. And to update your will.
How do you feel about Circus of the Stars' proposed return? Before you "reality" cynics go off, watch Bronson Pinchot swing on the trapeze, Lynda Carter dodge knives, and The Great American Hero's William Katt master the Wheel of Death (below). Katt really is my hero now.
Am I really writing this post? Yes, yes I am. (And while Wolf from American Gladiators is down the hall, howling, in the EW offices, no less.)
So today, the Smurfs kicked off their 50th birthday festivities in Belgium, the home of their late creator, Pierre Culliford, who introduced them in a comic strip in 1958. The article I linked to talks about Papa and Smurfette going on a "European birthday tour," which will also include stops in Paris and Berlin. Naturally, I wondered what the U.S. is doing to honor them. It appears we've got season 1 of the '80s cartoon series hitting DVD on Feb. 26 and an animated feature in the works. Is that enough? I suppose Saturday Night Live's Smurfette Show parody didn't count.
I don't know what I love more about this: that Knight Rider was known as El Auto Fantastico in Mexico or that the dude they hired to do the Spanish dubbing sounds so incredibly uninterested in what he's doing. By the time he has to "translate" Edward Mulhare, it sounds like they had to remind him the mic was still on.
And, apparently, Spanish speaking audiences didn't need to know the set up of the show, which US watchers got, the whole "A shadowy flight into the world of a man who does not exist... Michael Knight, a young loner on a crusade to champion the cause of the innocent, the helpless, the powerless, in a world of criminals who operate above the law" bit. Which was, if you'll remember, AWESOME.
Okay, I gotta go dig up The Six Million Dollar Man, which was known as El Hombre Nuclear. Which is totally what I'm gonna name my next band. But bounce to the jump for one last Knight Rider-related treat.
I like to think I'm a relatively astute entertainment junkie. I try and pay attention to "the haps" in the showbiz world. (After all, that's what they pay me for.)
So how did I miss Leelee Sobieski's career downward spiral to second billing in an Uwe Boll flick? That's right, she's in this weekend's In the Name of the King: A Dungeon Siege Tale (pictured), which will — if it follows suit with every other Boll movie — be on the short list for worst film of the year.
There was a time when she held promise, when she was working with directors like Stanley Kubrick (in Eyes Wide Shut) and James Ivory (in A Soldier's Daughter Never Cries) and sharing the screen with actors like Catherine Deneuve, Peter O'Toole, and Donald Sutherland. Hell, she was in the good Joan of Arc project (okay, her TV miniseries wasn't great, but it was better than The Messenger).
So, Ice Cube (left) tells MTV News he may play B.A. Baracus in the upcoming film version of The A-Team. Setting aside for the moment what a bad idea it is to make an A-Team movie, I have to ask: Really? Doughboy as Mr. T (right)? Really? I know Cube's got the attitude, and after all those goofy, family-friendly Are We There Yet comedies, it'll be nice to see him unleash his famous scowl again, but does he really have the physique for this role? At least he's willing to shave his hair into a Mohawk. Still, the only person who can do justice to Mr. T's original portrayal is (duh) Mr. T. Sure, he's a lot older, but he looks exactly the same, and he still does that mixture of badass and cartoonish like no one else. C'mon, PopWatchers, either they should make the movie with Mr. T, or they shouldn't make it at all, right?
UPDATE: Late Night With Conan O'Brien was on top of this last night. Cube was Conan's guest, and the show offered one of its trademark "If They Mated" photo mashups to show what Cube might look like with Mr. T's Mohawk and bling. You can watch the segment here (click "Wed Jan 9"), and you can see the photo below, after the jump.
The results are in: American Gladiatorsperformed decently in the ratings last night on NBC, giving the network its highest-rated premiere for a new show since Heroes. But as a newcomer to the David-vs.-Hellga genre, I was mildly befuddled by what happened on my screen last night. I had to turn to my colleague Mandi Bierly, a Gladiators expert, for answers. Our IM convo went as follows:
Slezak: So Mandi, question: Did you actually enjoy American Gladiators last night? I ask because halfway through, I had to switch to Cashmere Mafia. Maybe the better question is: Why does everything on TV have to be a "two-hour event"?
Mandi: I liked it enough to watch it again if I stumble across it, but not enough to DVR. I was ready for it to end after an hour, too—I didn't need to see the skateboarder's kid watch his dad get his ass kicked anymore.
Slezak: I know, right? The firefighter dude dominated him! I'd have been furious if AA (pictured, right) had lost out in the eliminator round. Does that mean I actually cared about what was happening?
Mandi: Since you know the firefighter's nickname is AA, then the answer is "Yes." But don't worry: I would have flown through my TV if that had happened, too.
Slezak: Also making me want to fly through my TV: Hulk Hogan declaring, "Now we're getting serious because up next are the guys"? Sexist much?
Mandi: Totally sexist. And hello, did he not just watch a female Gladiator take a contestant out of the competition on Power Ball? Laila Ali should have pounded him into the floor mats.
Slezak: Speaking of the women's competition, what about that doctor, Venus? She worked so hard in med school, and her family came to this country…so she could be on American Gladiators? I wonder if she's in my HMO plan?
I just clicked on my profile page on YouTube, and saw that it's accusing me of having watched 1,680 videos. Is that number high?
My first thought: There's no way it could be accurate. On second thought: I did just watch 10 Chipmunk Nation videos in a row... Anyone else notice how much Alvin and the boys sound like the original artists on their covers of Rascal Flatts' "What Hurts the Most" and Shakira's "Hips Don't Lie" (below)?
This really needs no preamble other than to warn that there are a few textual f-bombs dropped in this video, note that all this footage comes from the two-disc DVD of Ms. Dion's recently concluded Las Vegas show A New Day, and explain that the word "amazing" is meant both ironically and very much not. Enjoy!
A jumping off point for the comment boards: How many of you already suspected that she was actually like this? Or already knew it for a fact? 'Cause I sure didn't.
I spent waaayyyy too much time watching this over our Holiday break. So much so, that I can't watch the clip without doing the little Bruce Lee cat-growl noises.
Nothing gets me more excited for Christmas than cheesy seasonal pop hits from the mid-to-late 90's. I wish I was kidding. But play N'Sync's ''Merry Christmas, Happy Holidays'' and you'll see -- I immediately morph into a ball of good cheer. While listening to the overtly corny single this morning, however, it occurred to me I'd never seen the accompanying music video, so I hopped over to AOL Music in order to remedy the situation.
We open with Santa, who received the gift of heartburn and indigestion for Christmas this year. He’s also feverish. A tiny person (or hallucination) dressed in a horrendous green rubberized/vinyl suit and matching hat whines: ''Santa, you gotttta deliver the presents!'' Santa groans and rubs his belly like he's about to deliver a child. Christmas is canceled, or so claims the poorly dressed elf, who actually looks and sounds a lot like Gary Coleman.
Wait.
Back up.
That elf IS Gary Coleman.
And it just gets worse from there. So let's play a game. Everyone who's reading this post needs to go to the comments section and list one thing that's wrong with the "Merry Christmas, Happy Holidays" video. To raise the stakes, try not to pick anything that your fellow readers have already mentioned. But not to worry, there's plenty of heinousness to go around. Ready, set, go!
If you wanna roll like James T. Kirk, these are the women you've gotta get into your intergalactic whip.
Okay, let me start again, in a manner that doesn't sounds so desperately Jamie Kennedy.
Here's a mostly complete gallery of all the women from classic Star Trek: you know, the ones that made the final frontier a slightly less lonely place.
And that's today's allotment of Geek Public Service.
When Forbes released its ranking of the Fictional 15 last week, I experienced a sudden and conflicting rush of emotions. I mourned the death of Oliver "Daddy" Warbucks (No. 1 back in '06), felt ecstatic over the addition of Princess Peach — who was always my choice in Super Mario Bros. 2 because, duh, she hover-flies and wears a pretty pink dress — but was utterly outraged by the drop-off of Mr. Monopoly. Um, what the hell? According to Forbes, the mustachioed moneyman "lost everything in subprime mortgage crash...attempted to rob Atlantic City gentleman's club; was sent directly to jail, did not pass Go, did not collect $200." Who knew Mr. Monopoly (a.k.a. Rich Uncle Pennybags) was in such a wretched state?
Come on now, people, it's time to purchase some hotels on Boardwalk; the dapper old dude needs you. And if you can't feel sympathy for a man who's repeatedly sprung you from the pen while donning a tux and top-hat, then shame on you.
Okay, I don't know how true this is, 'cause I read it on Page Six, but this item about the troubled, long-gestatingDallas movie says that John Travolta is out as J.R. Ewing, to be replaced by... Ben Stiller? According to the article, the filmmakers have abandoned all pretense of turning the long-running TV drama into a big-screen drama and are now going the camp route, trying to make a behind-the-scenes comedy à la Bewitched. (Because that turned out so well.)
As a longtime Dallas fan (yep... so shoot me, like Kristin shot J.R.), this whole scenario fills me with dread and disgust. Whether it's going to be a comedy (a bad idea... Dallas often had silly plot twists — I'll never forgive the producers for the whole Bobby-was-in- the-shower-and-the-whole-season-was-a-dream shark jumper — but it was always played straight, never campy like Dynasty) or a drama, the film version will hinge on finding the right J.R. I never warmed to the casting of Travolta; while he can play charismatic Southern womanizing weasels (his Bill Clinton in Primary Colors remains the most unjustly underrated performance of his career), he's not evil enough to be J.R. So if he's really off the project, I'm not sorry to see him go, but Ben Stiller? Uh... he can convincingly play a heterosexual male who speaks English, but otherwise, his resemblance to Larry Hagman's J.R. is nonexistent. Hey, filmmakers, why not cast Will Ferrell? Steve Carell? Eddie Murphy? (Who says J.R. has to be white?) Keira Knightley? (Who says he has to be a man? Or middle-aged? Or American?) None of these choices is any more absurd than Ben Stiller.
Free advice: Either hire Alec Baldwin to play J.R. (he proves every week on 30 Rock that he can play an oily, smooth, ruthless capitalist who's still charming and seductive) and make it a straight drama. Or abandon the project altogether. In fact, much as I love Alec Baldwin and think he'd be perfect for the role, I'd still prefer option No. 2. I mean, we didn't really need a big-screen Dallas, did we?
What do Joss Whedon and J.J. Abrams have in common, aside from resoundingly resonant bodies of work (Buffy, Angel, Firefly for Whedon, Alias and Lost for Abrams) and the love of a grateful geek nation? Get the scoop, after the jump.
There are lots of things we can blame on Back to the Future's Marty McFly — not the least of which is the popularization of Huey Lewis and the News' ''The Power of Love'' — but the birth of speed metal?
This morning, a co-worker spied the words "Snoop Dogg's 'Sensual Seduction' video" written on a dry-erase board and wondered aloud whether that was the title of some sort of very, very NSFW cinematic offering. In case any of you out there are having the same thought right about now, let me assure you that Snoop Dogg's "Sensual Seduction" video is not porn. No, it's something much better: A music video for big Snoop's new single, which finds him trading in his usual rapping for four minutes of quiet-storm crooning through a T-Pain-esque vocoder. I honestly couldn't stand the song the first time I heard it (in an uncensored version bearing the even skeevier-sounding title "Sexual Eruption"), but its silky-smooth melody has since become permanently lodged in my brain. So what kind of bizarre visual feast could Snoop come up with to match "Sensual Seduction"? Check out the video below, and click through to the jump for my insta-take.
So we've all seen Enchanted now, right? Good. Because it's time to address a serious issue, one that hasn't been explored since Disney's nifty little fairy-tale spoof blew out the box office last weekend. And the issue is thus: How come nobody has pointed out that the premise of Enchanted—while certainly inspired—is basically, um, cribbed from the most awesome forgotten TV sitcom of the 1980s? That's right, I'm talking about The Charmings.
Show of hands: Who remembers it? The premise was pretty lame, but it was executed with panache and a lot of underappreciated wit, and it is my strong belief that a cult of Charmings fans exists, lying in wait and trying to figure out how in the hell we can get together some sort of superfan convention where we don tights and wield swords and basically act like lunatics. (Oh, wait. We have renaissance fairs for that.)
In a nutshell, Snow White and Prince Charming threw her wicked stepmother, Queen Lillian (the fantastic Judy Parfitt) into a bottomless pit that—well, it wasn't bottomless. And when Girl finally crawled her way out, she cast a spell that put them to sleep. The poor schmucks finally woke up a century later—in the Reagan era—and were forced to acclimate to their new surroundings, a tidy California suburb where, naturally, their idiot neighbors remained totally clueless.
The best part of The Charmings, as I'm sure anyone who watched can attest, were the bitchy exchanges between the Queen—who was banished to an upstairs bedroom—and her Mirror (played by the late Paul Winfield). The two of them pretty much stayed up there all day, hatching plots, wreaking havoc and just being generally fabulous. And while it was never expressly stated, methinks the Mirror was also a big ol' Queen himself.
Below is a clip of the opening credits from the show's first season (which, by the way, featured my favorite of the two Snow Whites who appeared during its short-lived run.) See? It's the Enchanted premise—or at least it's close enough. And listen to that '80s sax! You go on with your skinny-tie-wearing self, Person Who Performed That!
So, who loved The Charmings the way I loved The Charmings? Don't leave a brother hanging—speak up!
Okay, so I see a Hollywood Reporter story headlined "'Ratatouille' teams with 'Ben'," right? And I'm thinking, "Wow! Finally, someone out there has heard my silent call to combine Pixar's recent rat-as-chef smash (featuring the voice of indie-rock-approved comedian Patton Oswalt) with that old '70s movie about magical/psychotic apartment rats (featuring a theme song sung by a teenage Michael Jackson), forming a no-holds-barred big-screen ratstravaganza, preferably featuring a duet by MJ and Patton O. Sweet!" (And yes, I did just use the word 'ratstravaganza.')
Anyhow, then I read on, only to find that the Ben they're talking about is actually some random Cartoon Network franchise called Ben 10. Wikipedia informs me that Ben 10 is about a kid who has a super-powered wristwatch, called "the Omnitrix," which allows him to morph into a bunch of mighty aliens or something. Whatever. Point is, it's got nothing whatsoever to do with rats as far as I can tell. Talk about bait and switch! (Um, sorry, that was a poor choice of idiom.) Anyway, way to ruin my day, Hollywood Reporter. Anyone want to join my letter-writing campaign?
Good news and bad news about NBC's Knight Rider update. Good news is that David Hasselhoff is close to signing on to reprise his role as Michael Knight. Bad news is that the project's protagonist is Mike Tracer (to be played by All My Children regular Justin Bruening), the son Knight never knew. Shame on you, producers! The Hoff is ageless! He deserves to be behind the wheel again, not cooling his heels in KITT's backseat. He can handle this sort of thing in his sleep, while snoring a ditty that'll go to No. 1 on the German pop chart. C'mon, PopWatchers, wouldn't you like to see a Knight Rider reboot with more Hoff and less Hoffspring?
That's Jennie Garth, wondering if she's about to get eaten or Mickey-macked-on during last night's Dancing With the Stars (obligatory Disney plug of the week). I've actually always felt bad for Disney characters. How can they make out with anyone if their mouths can't move? What if they're really in love? It's embarrassing. :(
Anyway, time to play "Beat This Caption." On your mark, get set...
While I suspect (or at least hope) that the kidding-to-serious ratio is around 90-10 in this new ad for Republican presidential candidate Mike Huckabee, I'm also pretty sure my brother Andy, an enthusiastic fan of Walker: Texas Ranger (and its legendary star), has found his candidate.
My colleague Annie Barrett, on the other hand, is holding out for a different hero: "Too bad it's not Chuck Woolery," she just IM'd me. "Then I'd totally vote for this guy."
And now, the winner of PopWatch's first-ever Now That's What I Call a Face! award... Jenah from America's Next Top Model, cycle 8 million! This "ethereal beauty" (pictured, wearing the blue blouse) with the season's most unfortunate weave ain't buyin' what Ty Ty's sellin' (a giant dragon/lion hybrid of pure whack intended to introduce the girls' trip to China), and we love her for it.
Jenah can look forward to her grand prize: a carton of post-torture Parliament Lights, furnished by Cover Girl Cosmetics.
Also, an unfortunate spanking incident happened at panel. (Photographic evidence, after the jump.)
Ludacris has been dropping some particularly hotguest verses recently (links NSFW), but that doesn't mean he's forgotten about the second part of his rapper/actor career. Word just got out that he's been cast opposite Gerard Butler in a sci-fi thriller with a working title of Game. Ooh, you ask, like a remake of that mind-bending Michael Douglas movie? Nope — something that might be even better.
Early reports indicate that the film "will take place in the near future where mind-control technology allows humans to control other humans in a massive multiplayer online game." (So, kinda like the Michael Douglas flick, actually.) "Luda will play a member of a resistance group called H.U.M.A.N.Z. that opposes the use of prisoners in these large scale video games." This beast is being written and directed by Mark Neveldine and Brian Taylor, the same guys who did last year's Crank — so I'm thinking this has the potential to be another awful/amazing piece of over-the-top B-movie kitsch par excellence. (H.U.M.A.N.Z.? Seriously?!) On another note: Am I the only one who reads that plot summary and thinks...Forest Whitaker's "Dewmocracy"?
All kidding aside, I'm actually contemplating seeing this in theaters, if it actually makes it to a few. Anybody agree? (I promise not to use PopWatch's mind-control technology to control you in a massive multiplayer online game if you say "Yes.")
Tell me...if you were 12 years old, and totally dug cartoons and lobbied your parents for months to go see the Transformers movie even though it was PG-13 and had strong language and sweaty ladyparts and you studied for weeks to get that B- on your history test but it qualifies because they asked for a B and the minus doesn't render the B a not-B...
I'm sorry. Memory lane.
If you were 12 years old, would you watch this, the new Transformers: Animated series, coming (allegedly) to the Cartoon Network in early 2008:
What song are you always a little too excited to hear? You know, the one you have to dance to whether or not (but especially when) you're drunk? Here's why I'm asking...
My sister phoned me earlier this week to tell me that she booked her wedding DJ. Naturally, I asked what kind of music she instructed him to play, since my maid of honor duties require that I keep the dance floor hoppin', and I need to gauge how much effort this will be so that I can adjust the price of her gift accordingly. She hit me with her Don't Play List first: any novelty song, save the "Hokey Pokey." She's a Virginia Tech alum. I'm used to it. Not the reason for this post. The track topping her Must Play List is: Ricky Martin's "She Bangs."
Yes, my sister thinks "She Bangs" is "the best dance song ever," and after I stopped laughing she suggested that I take a poll to find out how many others have requested it. She's confident that "the fellow Ricky Martin worshippers will surface."
So, settle this Bierly sibling argument: Have you — or will you ever — request Ricky Martin's "She Bangs"? Then admit your own embarrassing, all-occasion must-plays. I'll just say this: No one wants to be standing between me and the dance floor when Kriss Kross' "Jump" comes on. Or, God forbid, Tom Jones' "Sex Bomb."
Ever wake up in the morning and think to yourself, ''I'd really like to dress like a Saxon warrior/furry pimp but I've got nothing in my closet?'' Well Paramount's PR department has just the thing for you: a 4-foot x 5-foot fake-fur blanket in a lovely stripey brown pattern. Seriously, cooler swag has not crossed our desk since the magical Transformers pen (which, at the touch of a button, transforms from a plastic wedge into something you can write with).
Why is this Beowulf item so great? Because it's got tons of uses: makeshift bear rug, car-seat cover, Quest for Fire Halloween costume, really comfy adult diaper, tiger pit cover, luxury parachute, etc.
Thanks, Paramount! That's two for two. Can't wait to see what you guys come up with for next year's Star Trek. (But you can't just slice up this blanket into squares and pass 'em off as tribbles. That'd be cheating.)
Confession: I'm still singing "Day Man," the original tune that Charlie and glam-rock fanatic Dennis (Charlie Day and Glenn Howerton, respectively) performed on the Oct. 11 episode of It's Always Sunny in Philadelphia. I can't decide whether I prefer the scene of them writing the ditty in Charlie's apartment, or of them singing it live at Paddy's in wigs and codpieces.
This isn't the only musical-themed obsession I'm currently experiencing courtesy of a TV show...
I hardly consider myself an expert on cutting-edge college music, but I just got home from Datarock's set at NYC's Gramercy Theater — part of the five-day CMJ Music Marathon that's currently parked its hoodie-wearing ass in the middle of Gotham, and a quick blog entry felt necessary. Much has been written about Datarock's initial novelty: When the boys from this indie Norwegian pop/disco/new wave mashup walk onstage in their red tracksuits and launch into synchronized robot moves, you have to wonder if they deserve to be taken seriously. Datarock is saturated in self-reflection, but their whippy music should not be underestimated. It's some smart stuff. And they were on their A-game during a tight, propulsive set — filled mostly with the best tunes from their 2007 Stateside release Datarock Datarock (can I get a "Fa Fa Fa" up in here??) — that only grew more inspired as it flew by.
But that's all beside the point: The reason I love these guys — and what made this concert a classic — was their decision to end the show, bring up the lights, and blast the 1987 cheese anthem "(I've Had) the Time of My Life" over the speaker system. What's more, they stayed onstage to sing along with the track. And as I stood there grinning, I watched roughly two hundred self-important little musicheads — they of the symmetrical haircuts and slouchy boots and too-tight jeans — get in touch with their inner sixth-grader and belt along with every word, at times shaking their fists fearsomely. All I can say is: Look, there are things we deny loving all our lives, and then there's the theme song from Dirty Dancing. Nobody in that room had the power to resist its pull. The only things missing were my Swayze-lovin' colleague Mandi Bierly and some leotard-wearing American Apparel shopgirl running down the sloping floor of the Gramercy and leaping into the tempera-stained arms of her bearded artist boyfriend. Maybe next time.
Those Muscles from Brussels turn 47 today, and I'm not sure what is more embarrassing:
• That the only movie I've ever actually seen him in is Breakin'. • That I could change that anytime I wanted to because I own the Van Damme 3-Disc Collector's Set. • That last Sunday, at my sister's bridal shower, when I had people name celebrities she'd sleep with as part of a "How Well Do You Know Jennifer?" quiz, she totally hesitated before shooting down one guest's joke response: Jean-Claude Van Damme. • This...
Gosh, how come CBS didn't pick up drama pilot Babylon Fields this season? Who doesn't love post-apocalyptic procedural crime dramas featuring zombies who've returned from the dead to take up their former lives in the suburbs? (Maybe the network thought — what with ABC's Pushing Daisies and CBS' own Moonlight — that there were enough new series about undead crimefighters already.) TV Week has dug up from the television graveyard three clips from Babylon Fields, so you can get a taste of what we're missing. Catch the second clip, in which two zombie guys discuss the erectile benefits of rigor mortis, and lament the fact that, without this show, we're just not getting enough necrophilia jokes in primetime.
Home
Because every channel needs its very own dancing competition show, TLC is now jumping on the conga line with what could be the Best.Dancing.Show.Ever. (If New York magazine can do it, so can I!) According to The Hollywood Reporter, production is slated to begin next month on Masters of Dance, a half-hour series that will feature six new competitors each week. But, of course, there's a twist. In the middle of each dancer's performance, the music will abruptly change. So imagine you're bringing sexy back to the pulse of a Justin Timberlake joint, when all of a sudden, a power ballad by Celine Dion takes over. I smell ratings gold.
A couple wed at the New York City premiere of Patrick Dempsey's romantic comedy, 
Fool me once, shame on Bret Michaels. Fool me twice, shame on sad, gullible me...
ABC's summer lineup may look like a joke... but apparently, it isn't. You've got The Bachelorette (with DeAnna Pappas, pictured) bowing May 19 with a two-hour premiere. And then it will stay two hours. WHAT?
We all know that I (and Dalton Ross) are fans of Dolph Lundgren (in Rocky IV). But are we ready for his Command Performance? 
Because in the age of cable and Internet video nothing old is ever truly dead, NBC Universal has announced that it's going to be streaming free reruns of ancient series on its various websites — some fondly remembered, like The A-Team, Kojak, Night Gallery, and Buck Rogers, and some less fondly, like the original Battlestar Galactica, TekWar, Emergency, Tremors, Swamp Thing, and Simon & Simon. (The full list of shows and websites is 
Hello PopWatchers. My name is Jill.
At a time of year when we're reminded of the best that movies have to offer, let's not forget that some of Hollywood's best have also had to say some of the worst lines ever written for the screen. Check out our new 
Last night I didn’t get around to eating dinner until I settled in to watch 
Am I really writing this post? Yes, yes I am. (And while Wolf from American Gladiators is down the hall, howling, in the EW offices, no less.)
I like to think I'm a relatively astute entertainment junkie. I try and pay attention to "the haps" in the showbiz world. (After all, that's what they pay me for.)
So, Ice Cube (left) tells 
The results are in: American Gladiators 
If you wanna roll like James T. Kirk, these are the women you've gotta get into your intergalactic whip.
When Forbes released its ranking of the 
Okay, I don't know how true this is, 'cause I read it on 
What do Joss Whedon and J.J. Abrams have in common, aside from resoundingly resonant bodies of work (Buffy, Angel, Firefly for Whedon, Alias and Lost for Abrams) and the love of a grateful geek nation? Get the scoop, after the jump.
Okay, so I see a 
Good news and bad news about 
And now, the winner of PopWatch's first-ever Now That's What I Call a Face! award... Jenah from America's Next Top Model, cycle 8 million! This "ethereal beauty" (pictured, wearing the blue blouse) with the season's most unfortunate weave ain't buyin' what Ty Ty's sellin' (a giant dragon/lion hybrid of pure whack intended to introduce 
Ludacris has been dropping some 
Ever wake up in the morning and think to yourself, ''I'd really like to dress like a Saxon warrior/furry pimp but I've got nothing in my closet?'' Well Paramount's PR department has just the thing for you: a 4-foot x 5-foot fake-fur blanket in a lovely stripey brown pattern. Seriously, cooler swag has not crossed our desk since the magical Transformers pen (which, at the touch of a button, transforms from a plastic wedge into something you can write with). 
I hardly consider myself an expert on cutting-edge college music, but I just got home from Datarock's set at NYC's Gramercy Theater — part of the five-day 
Gosh, how come CBS didn't pick up drama pilot Babylon Fields this season? Who doesn't love post-apocalyptic procedural crime dramas featuring zombies who've returned from the dead to take up their former lives in the suburbs? (Maybe the network thought — what with ABC's Pushing Daisies and CBS' own Moonlight — that there were enough new series about undead crimefighters already.) 
