Okay, rose lovers — the suspense is over. If you don’t want to know who Andi chose in tonight’s season finale, stop reading now. I’m serious, folks. If you’ve somehow stumbled onto this post and have not yet watched Andi hand out her final rose at the Proposal Platform, then walk away. I’ll wait. Okay, for those of you who have witnessed the conclusion of tonight’s “journey,” click through to discuss Andi’s choice of future husband… READ FULL STORY
Author: Kristen Baldwin (1-10 of 155)
Awww, Marquel—don’t feel bad, little buddy! You may have found yourself in the “Friend Zone” with Andi, but the “ladies” in the audience were truly digging your chocolate-chip cookie lapel pin tonight. (If you haven’t seen it, you’re in for a treat—pun intended.) As for the rest of tonight’s Men Tell All? Well, other than that disturbingly TMI segment with Ashley and JP, the “shocking” “revelations” were “few” and “far between.” Stay tuned for my full recap later tonight (UPDATE: Click over for Kristen’s full Bachelorette: The Men Tell All recap), but here are a few of my (spoiler-free) highlights: Everyone attacking Andrew for his (alleged) remarks about Marquel and Ron; Andrew attacking JJ; Chris the farmer joining Andrew in his attack on JJ; a weird Canadian woman interrupting Harrison’s hot-seat interview with Chris; and the brilliant opening gag with the scarves. As for the Bachelor in Paradise teaser? I think it may have given me eye herpes. (That is to say, August 4 can’t get here fast enough.)
Okay, sure, the man who made the above statement to Andi was not—I repeat, not—talking about something that went down in the Fantasy Suite… but I needed a catchy headline. After all, this week’s “exotic” dates were pretty darn tame, even though Andi made the most shocking decision… EVER by sending one of the men home before even handing him the coveted date card. Stay tuned for my full recap later tonight, but if you’ve seen tonight’s episode and have thoughts (and I know you do) let me hear ‘em. Do you want the booted little-b bachelor to become the next capital-B Bachelor? Was the homemade, illustrated fairy tale book cute or creepy? And is eating dinner on the beach really all that romantic? If you ask me, sand and fine cuisine don’t mix. (Not that the folks on this show ever eat, but…)
As you may have guessed by now, rose lovers, I don’t usually feel sorry for people on reality TV. In general, my feeling is they have no one to blame but themselves for whatever misery this—or any other—reality franchise does to them. That said, I came dangerously close to sympathizing with Andi and her final four suitors when they found out the sad news about Eric Hill’s death on tonight’s episode. Andi, especially, took it hard, seeing as she and Eric did not leave things on great terms. “Our last conversation,” she sobs into a producer’s shoulder. “I kicked him out!” Yes, it sucks when actual reality intrudes on a reality TV romance fantasy. The scene was so sad it almost overshadowed the four hometown dates that came before it. No spoilers here—stay tuned for my full recap later tonight—but let me know what you thought of Andi’s trips to Wisconsin, Iowa, Florida, and Texas. Which family was your favorite? Is it me, or does Chris wear too much hair product for a farmer? And who told Marcus a striptease was a good idea? Post your thoughts now!
Other fundamental truths: There’s no crying in baseball. There’s no “i” in team. There’s no accounting for taste. There’s no place like home. And the most important life lesson of all, there is no rhyme nor reason to how Andi is picking her men. I mean, sure, she let go of one troublemaker tonight, but the fact that she chose REDACTED and REDACTED over REDACTED is making me insane. (No spoilers here — stay tuned for my full recap later tonight. UPDATE: Click over for Kristen’s Bachelorette episode 5 full recap and Chris Harrison’s behind-the-scenes blog.) As for the rest of the episode? Even though we had to sit through a painful mime date at least Team Bachelorette made up for it with a tense conversation about (alleged) racism and an extended product placement segment about a cute-looking trifle of a movie called The Hundred-Foot Journey. (And what about that trailer for Bachelor in Paradise? I already know how I’ll be wasting my August.) Even better: It looks like there’s more absurdity to come next week. (How did it take them this many seasons to throw a polygraph test into the mix?) Post your thoughts below, rose lovers. You know you want to.
It’s a tough job, rose lovers, but someone has to travel to Mexico to help members of the Bachelor “family”
continue their weird and objectively gross inbreeding find “love.” And that someone is Mr. Chris Harrison. As you can see here from this first look at Harrison on the job at Bachelor in Paradise, the dress code for facilitating fairy-tale romance in Mexico — where BIP is shooting — is far more relaxed than it is in America. I have so many thoughts. Click the photo for a full-length version and let’s discuss. READ FULL STORY
Arrrrrgh! It’s all too much! The whole thing is so sad and uncomfortable and now this?? Sorry for wigging out on you, rose lovers, but if you’ve just finished watching tonight’s episode you’re probably dealing with many of the same feels. Click through so we can discuss more openly. READ FULL STORY
'The Bachelorette' episode 3: 'I'm pretty sure I touched my first butt to 'I'll Make Love to You' in seventh grade.'
Who among us didn’t — amirite, rose lovers? Tonight’s “special” episode of The Bachelorette taught us two things: The regular broadcast season is over, and those guys from Boyz II Men really deserve their own reality show. (Wanya for the Bachelor!) (If he wasn’t already happily married!) Stay tuned for my full recap later tonight (UPDATE: Click over to Kristen’s full Bachelorette episode 3 recap and Chris Harrison’s exclusive behind-the-scenes blog), but if your senses haven’t completely gone on strike after the travesty that was the group date’s “performance” of “I’ll Make Love to You,” let me hear your thoughts on what transpired this evening. Is JJ telling the truth about Andrew? Why did Nick’s jacket have so many damn pockets? And am I actually starting to root for Cody? Somebody help me!
And no, rose lovers, Andi wasn’t talking about staring deep into her future husband’s eyes and seeing the fears, sinister hopes, and emotional nihilism that comprise his soul. If you’ve seen tonight’s episode — and mild spoiler alert if you haven’t — you know that our Bachelorette was treated to some extreme anatomical exposure during the first group date of the season, hosted by the male exotic dancer troupe Hollywood Men. In other sad news, week two of Andi’s “journey” prominently features the late contestant Eric Hill, who proved himself to be even more charming and genuinely interesting (imagine that for a Bachelorette contestant!) than he did in the premiere. Stay tuned for my full recap later tonight (UPDATE: Click over for Kristen’s full Bachelorette episode 2 recap and Chris Harrison’s behind-the-scenes blog), but until then please give me your thoughts on these burning questions: Are there women out there who actually enjoy watching oily fake firemen take their clothes off? Do producers keep a spare guitar lying around Casa Bachelorette just in case a guy wants to make an ass of himself with an impromptu serenade? And will Andi ever wear a bra at the cocktail parties? I eagerly await your thoughts.
'The Bachelorette' premiere: 'I'm going to call my parents tomorrow and be like, Yeah, that sucked.'
Don’t worry, rose lovers — it wasn’t Andi calling her parents in tears. Though who could blame her if she had, given that not one of the men thought to emerge from the limo in handcuffs and declare himself a “prisoner of love.” The Bachelorette is an Assistant District Attorney, for Pete’s sake! The possibilities are endless! Instead, though, we got a dude dragging a lamp from the hotel, and another guy who gave Andi a pair of pants so ugly they made Ames’ Nantucket reds look downright fashion-forward. Stay tuned for my full recap later tonight (UPDATE: Click over to read Kristen’s full Bachelorette season premiere recap and Chris Harrison’s Bachelorette blog), but if you’ve seen the first leg of Andi’s “journey” and simply must discuss the night’s burning questions (Why are there two guys with Tarzan hair? When will Casa Bachelor’s awesome security guard get his own reality show?) post your thoughts now!
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