Update: The full recap is live!
Dear Once Upon a Time,
You did it. You managed to completely shock me. Hats off to you!
I’ll admit, I’ve stuck with this show for three seasons — despite an increasingly silly family tree, deaths that don’t stick (except when they do), an absurd amount of loyalty flip-flopping, an unnecessary amount of attention paid to the most ill-matched couple on television (give it up, Belle; nobody’s buying it), and other mind-boggling headscratchers (like where Smee gets his beanies) that make me question whether I really want to admit in public how much I love Once.
But Sunday’s season three finale — especially the final seconds of the two-part episode — threw me for a bigger loop than I could have imagined…
You introduced Elsa! From Frozen! A movie that came out six months ago!
First, I have to say, congratulations. I yelled at my television — and frankly, I haven’t done that since Rachel got off the plane in 2004. Following the Elsa reveal, I immediately texted my colleague Hillary Busis (whose recap will be up imminently) to discuss this game-changing revelation.
Naturally, I have a million questions to ask:
1. Who “played” Elsa?
2. Who will play Elsa?
3. Will Idina Menzel play Elsa?
4. Should Idina Menzel play Elsa?
5. What of Kristen Bell? Did anyone consult her on this?
6. Okay, so someone did consult her on this. Will Kristen Bell play Anna?
7. Is Elsa evil?
8. Why is Elsa evil?
9. Is Elsa’s hair going to be more blonde or, like, platinum silver?
10. Why is Elsa in a farm house?
11. Why is Elsa Alex Mack?
12. Is Elsa just now taking her gloves off for the first time, or is this like an “oh, I haven’t taken my gloves off in sooo long” type thing?
13. Where does Elsa buy her gloves?
14. Is Elsa Zelena?
15. I really hope Elsa is not Zelena, even though Rebecca Mader looks great in cyan.
16. What are the sociopolitical ramifications of Elsa’s presence in this world?
17. Why am I freaking out about this?
18. Is someone going to play Kristoff?
19. Is someone going to play Olaf?
20. No, really, is someone going to play Olaf?
21. Will Hans’ sideburns translate well to network television?
22. Does Granny’s even have enough bedrooms to accommodate another visitor at this point?
23. Who will Elsa’s eventual love interest be? (Grumpy.)
24. Will Elsa sing?
25. Why won’t Elsa sing?
26. Is a Once Upon a Time musical episode even a possibility?
27. Does Arendelle exist somewhere in the world of Once and if so what is the weather actually like?
28. Did you even see Regina’s face when that Marian bombshell dropped???
29. Does the cold bother Elsa?
30. Does the cold bother Emma?
31. CAN YOU BELIEVE THEY ACTUALLY INTRODUCED ELSA?
32. Is this the fastest turnaround for movie-to-TV-character ever?
33. How much of the Frozen story will be reflected in season 4?
34. Or will it be based on the Hans Christian Andersen fairy tale The Snow Queen?
35. Is Elsa a sassy teenager or wizened sorceress?
36. Has anyone checked to see if Megan Hilty (or Elizabeth Mitchell or maybe one of the Olsen twins) is available?
37. Is this the greatest character introduction on the show, or has Once officially jumped the shark?
38. Why am I so conflicted about this?
39. What emoji can I possibly use to express my feelings?