Really? Godzilla is too fat?

Godzilla-2014.jpg

Image Credit: Warner Bros.

Director Gareth Edwards has been very savvy about not revealing too much of his monster before Godzilla officially opens in theaters on May 16. Initially, it was assumed that was part of a strategic decision to lure eager fans into theaters, but after Warner Bros. released some new photos of the giant radioactive reptile, some Japanese fans have another theory: Godzilla is fat.

In ‘Zilla’s defense, he does turn 60 this year. The first Godzilla movie opened in Japan in 1954. But I’m guessing Warner Bros. was counting on winning over a new generation with a cooler, more shredded beast — not one derided for having a spare tire around the middle and lacking a neck.

But that’s what some Japanese fans are dwelling on, though they’ve yet to see the film. “He’s so fat, I laughed,” wrote one online commenter. “It’s fat from the neck downwards and massive at the bottom,” another Godzilla fan told AFP. Perhaps worse yet, one fan tabbed it “Godzilla Deluxe,” a jabbing reference to a heavy-set, cross-dressing actor from Japanese TV. In other words, this is the Divine of Godzillas.

I feel compelled to defend Godzilla, especially since the only criticism seems to be coming from the Land of the Rising Sun. It’s true that the Japanese are a healthier people than Americans, so making obese Godzilla jokes is more about us than the ‘Zil’s current fitness regimen. But since Godzilla is a Japanese national treasure and he’s once again being awakened by Hollywood rather than the Toho Company, isn’t it inevitable that they’re finding something to criticize.

I mean, it’s kind of the same thing when you check out the Facebook wedding photos of an ex. (Not that I’ve ever done that!) Sure, he or she looks happy, but boy, why couldn’t they find a dress/tux that fit? Why are they sweating so much? And, Ooo, I really love the Golden Girls theme they went with? Is she supposed to be Blanche or Dorothy?

I’m just saying.

Godzilla looks fine and has nothing to be ashamed about. Though I would probably advise against standing next to the Golden Gate Bridge, or any suspension bridge, for that matter. Those verticals visuals only make monsters seem rotund. Word of advice: stay in the water, half-submerged when you can. No one has to know what’s sagging over the belt, big guy.

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