'The Originals' recap: Let's talk about hex, baby

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Image Credit: Annette Brown/The CW

The storm clouds are gathering guys, and it’s looking more and more like this war is about to go down. But for now, we’re getting warmed up with a few bombs and a deadly hex. Fun, right? Let’s do this!

We kicked things off up in the attic of gloom and doom, where Kieran was hallucinating that Josh and Cami were Sean and Bastiana. And leave it up to Josh to make a scene this intense funny. But things quickly got serious when Kieran had a very brief moment of sanity and a lightbulb went off in Cami’s head. No matter how thick the crazy was, Cami was determined to get through it … by using a shock treatment? Whose mind just goes there as their first idea? Cami’s a lot darker than I previously gave her credit for. Is it weird that this makes me like her more? Although, watching her actually shock Kieran had the opposite effect. You know it’s bad when Klaus winces.

Speaking of Klaus, he wasn’t particularly happy with his big brother, who had hidden their mother’s grimoire. Klaus claimed that his alliance with the wolves was his way of championing the underdog. As Elijah put it, “How splendidly noble of you.” But Elijah wasn’t ready to turn New Orleans into a war zone. Too bad he was a bit late on that front. Regardless, Elijah wasn’t going to budge yet, so Klaus headed out to help Cami (at Marcel’s request), and Elijah went to the bayou, where Hayley was taking wolf birthing classes with Eve. Elijah showed up just in time to stand in the doorway looking beautiful as Eve made a comment about how Hayley wasn’t going to be changing diapers alone. Sorry ladies, but the diaper dapper man at the door would like a word with the “conspirators of a supposed uprising.” (Side note: This was my second favorite Elijah’s-in-the-doorway entrance.)

In their meeting, Jackson told Elijah about the moonlight ring Klaus had promised, but not much else happened before they were interrupted by a suicide bomber — the second one on The CW this week! — who arrived via motorbike. Luckily, Elijah read the situation and tackled him, taking away some of the impact, but the bomb had been laced with Wolf’s Bane, which meant damage was done. So while Oliver huffed and puffed and flexed his muscles, Hayley administered first aid — which apparently is something you learn when you leave home at 13? — before she ran off to deal with the person she thought was responsible. (Hint: His name rhymes with Farcel.)

And despite the bomb ruining Elijah’s suit, the man knew how to rock a little dirt on his face. He stayed around to help Jackson when he realized that the bomber was only the beginning. There were bombs located all around the bayou, and just like that, they exploded. Poor Eve got the worst of it. When Oliver’s bulging biceps failed, he needed Elijah’s help to lift a trailer off of her. Brief pause. Can we talk for a second? Because these wolves must have the worst hearing ever if someone was able to plant bombs all around their campsite, right? Superior species? Personally, I don’t see it.

At the church, Josh warned the doctor about standing too close to Kieran. As he put it, “He’s kind of unpredictable and murder-y.” But this time, he was more so the former when he bit his own thumb off to get out of the restraints and attack the doctor. Josh got a hold of him while Klaus had a word with Cami. He explained how this story was not going to have a happy ending. And when push came to shove and Kieran went into cardiac arrest, Cami told Klaus to give her uncle his blood. She wasn’t going to say goodbye to him like this.

Hayley, off on her mission, found Marcel, but instead of staking him, she listened to his tale. Turned out, Marcel knew her entire family. When the crescent wolves tried to take over the city in the 1990′s, Marcel put the curse on them because, “it was either that or kill them, and I’m not big on indiscriminate slaughter.” Then he hit her with the kicker: His love of children can be traced right back to her. When wolves within the pack turned on Hayley’s family and killed them, it was Marcel who found her in her crib and took her to Kieran. She was the last Labonair, but he didn’t use her as leverage. And now, he was going to offer her the same thing he gave her then: A chance to get out of town before things got ugly. She refused, after which he told her that the suicide bomber owed money to the casinos, a.k.a. the humans.

Back at church, Kieran awoke to realize his hex mark was gone … and so was his thumb. When he found out that he was in transition, he knew his decision — he was going to die. Cami thanked Klaus for his kindness today, and he left them to say goodbye. Kieran sent Cami to get some things for him, including the key he wore around his neck, but she couldn’t find it. For now, they’d have to say goodbye without it. They hugged. She cried. And I actually got a little emotional, which I didn’t expect, because I don’t feel much toward Kieran. But it was all short-lived, because the hex hadn’t really worn off. And with its return, Kieran attacked Cami, drank her blood, vamped out, and then was staked by Klaus. Two thoughts: What was Kieran’s comment about how it was always going to end this way? What, with you getting hexed and then being turned into a vamp? That’s oddly specific. Also, WARN a girl before you’re going to cut to a close-up of a spider, Originals. Sheesh.

At the bayou, Hayley returned to find a dirty Elijah back in a scarf and peacoat — which I loved more than words — and the rest of the wolves gathered around the fire as Oliver shouted at them. Somebody needs to put that wolf on a leash, amirite? Oh, and she found out Eve had died, but what she didn’t know was that it was Oliver who’d killed her. In a blonde-on-blonde confessional earlier, Oliver had told Eve that he’d teamed up with someone for the bombings, but that he didn’t agree to everything that happened. He’d only wanted to get people mad. And now, around the fire, he seemed to be succeeding. Thankfully Elijah was there to offer Hayley some 1,000-year-old wisdom. He told her to watch her people. “They will want vengeance, blood for blood. And unfortunately, in troubled times, people do not look for the best, but rather the loudest.” Anybody else want a coffee table book of Elijah life quotes? Just me? I’m OK with that.

Speaking of which, it’s time for Elijah’s look of the week! Let’s call this one “Your lips are moving, but nobody’s listening to you, Jackson, because I look good with a little dirt on my face … and I know it.”

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After Kieran’s death, Klaus lifted Marcel’s ban so that he could come bury his friend. And this is when we found out that when Cami woke up in the dark, she’d called Marcel’s name. It kind of surprised me. I’d expected her to want Klaus. Then again, nothing surprised me more than how big of a person Klaus was being in that moment. Our little hybrid is growing up, isn’t he?

But enough of that! A war was brewing, and Marcel had gotten the key from around Kieran’s neck via Josh. He claimed people would be coming after it. And across town, Elijah and Klaus had a weapon of their own — their mother’s grimoire. Elijah returned it, because “mayhem has descended upon our home and if I am to choose a side,” *raises glass* “to our victory, brother.” I’ll drink to that.

What did you think of the episode? The sounds effects of Cami being attacked were so obviously added in post-production that it was painful, right? And is no one going to tell poor Kieran that “the other side” SUCKS right now? Because as TVD fans know, that’s where he’s going, and if Kol is crying up about it, things are very bad. Finally, what is so important about Kieran’s key?

Tell me your thoughts in the comments below!

QUOTABLES: 

“Dude, be cool. It’s just a priest hexed by a witch because of some vampires. Accept that these things are real. Then forget them.” -Josh compelling the doctor

Kieran: There’s a special place in hell for your kind.
Josh: Not the first time I’ve heard that one.

“Yeah yeah I know, I’m on your who’s-been-naughty list.” -Marcel to Klaus

“We’re talking about a priest hexed by a witch. I don’t think it gets any more extreme than that.” -Cami

“He’s a priest. I turned him into a vampire. What kind of desperate move is that?” -Cami

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