This is worse than wearing sweatpants: Mean Girls isn’t getting a Tina Fey-penned sequel!
Despite some hopeful speculation from fans recently, Fey confirmed the news to Extra on Wednesday, saying, “We’re coming up next month on the 10-year anniversary of the original movie… We’re going to see if there’s any way to get everyone together, but not a movie, sadly. We’re all past high school age.” (Mean Girls 2, the 2011 TV movie sequel with a whole new group of girls, is best not mentioned.)
Like any good twenty-something, I love the movie, but the “no sequel” news is totally for the best. There’s no way people wouldn’t be disappointed by whatever they came up with, and now, fans can just continue to watch and love the original as the perfect high school satire that it is. For those that would like a little more, all hope isn’t lost: Fey is directing her energy towards a possible Mean Girls musical (which she told EW about last year in her EW Interview).
Since Fey has made it clear we aren’t going to get Regina and Gretchen’s High School Reunion, just for fun I went ahead and pictured where the whole fetch gang is now, 10 years post-high school.
Regina George: Regina George continued playing lacrosse at the college level, and subsequently joined a sorority, which she was ultimately kicked out of after an email she wrote cleverly berating her sisters went viral. She now works in PR, and her assistant has told her she isn’t allowed to tweet anymore, as her cutting, pitch-perfect insults have offended everyone from the Modern Family kids to people at the highest levels of the United States government. Anna Wintour has been nothing but impressed.
Gretchen Wieners: Gretchen got pregnant by her loser boyfriend senior year of college, and then ditched the guy (Joey Donner). After giving birth to Bella (that name is totally going to happen), she decided motherhood was her true calling. Recently, she’s the kindergarten helper in Bella’s class, making sure every person gets a Valentine’s Day card (including the cute single dads!). She also works part-time as an administrative assistant at Pillsbury, where she is regularly complimented on her hair.
Cady Heron: After she broke up with Aaron Samuels because he was far too dumb for her post-high school, Cady listened to her mom (and Ms. Norbury) and attended Northwestern University, graduating with a degree in Mathematics. Currently, she’s a teacher, and has a quiet life with good friends (including Janis, but not Damian; he knows what he did). Her secret pleasure is reading celebrity gossip, but she can’t help but feel for the young women the tabloids exploit, regardless of the mistakes they may have made.
Karen Smith: Karen’s weather reports quickly went viral, and she was snapped up right out of high school to become one of the weather people for Fox News, a job she holds to this day. Smith still keeps up with Wieners and her daughter via Facebook; she’s fond of “Like”-ing nearly every post, and still hasn’t totally figured out hashtags. Regina has not responded to her friend request.
Aaron Samuels: Aaron works as a model. Obsessed with his body and weight, he’s often overheard declaring he doesn’t do carbs. Damian totally heard he may have a little bit of a drug habit, and his new girlfriend is a total gold digger. He cries for what could have been with Cady every year on Oct. 3.
Janis Ian: After graduation, Janis went to art school before dropping out because there were too many rules. She moved to L.A., and while she hates most of the people she meets, she’s built a solid career for herself as a modernist painter. She never unfriended any of the girls she knew when she was 17 because she enjoys the feeling of superiority she gets while regularly checking out their social media presences. She can be found with a protest sign in her hand.
Damian: Damian became a shameless social climber. After graduating from college in the Midwest, he moved to NYC where he regularly stalked celebs and appeared as a hanger-on on various reality shows. He once helped Rachel Zoe pick out a pair of shoes. He dropped whatever his last name was, and now hosts an eponymous show on E!.
Ms. Norbury achieved total world domination.