Schmidt: Do you really want me to put an Ian Shrager rug in a room without climate control?
Nick: What? Ohhh, he was the guy in Star Wars… [disdainfully] medium talent.
Schmidt: God, I’ve fallen. I’m almost below you now, Nick. Fellow passengers, stuck in the caboose of life.
Nick: You think I’m in the caboose of life?
Schmidt: You love it in the caboose, but not me. It hurts. It’s actually quite jarring.
Winston [singing]: Nick loves it in the caboooose…
Nick: I don’t want it in the caboose.
Winston [singing]: …yes, he does!
Nick: What you’re doing is illegal. You can’t say this is a store.
Schmidt: I’m not taking advice from you. You pronounce the “g” in lasagna.
Nick [confused]: La-zag-na. [Decides it sounds right.]
Schmidt: This is an outrage! I’ve been all over, and I can’t afford anybody. This is unbelievable. Access to premium legal counsel should be every Jew’s birthright.
Winston [with trial-ready gravitas]: And the jury will see that there is no justice for the Hebrew man — not in these so-called United States.
Nick: What is that that you’re doing?
Winston: I can’t get enough of this legal drama. Check this out — favorite author, Grisham; favorite TV show, Judging Amy; favorite color, courtroom brown. [Epiphany!] Courtroom Brown… damn, I wish that was my nickname.
Nick: Did you just make that up? Because it was perfect, man.