Tom Bergeron is stepping down as host of America’s Funniest Home Videos, leaving the coveted spot open (hey, it’s about as steady as a showbiz job gets). When thinking of who should replace him, our minds immediately went to Bob Saget, who hosted the show from 1989 to 1997, but then we thought: What if every Full House star — not just Danny Tanner — was eligible for the position? After all, this has already been the year of Full House reunions with Saget, John Stamos, and Dave Coulier’s multiple TV appearances together and the upcoming Candace Cameron Bure/Scott Weinger guest spots on The Neighbors.
To further this recent wave of Full House nostalgia, here’s our evaluation of the host abilities of each Tanner (and honorary Tanner):
Bob Saget (Danny): Everyone loves nostalgia. Everyone loves Bob Saget (okay, that’s questionable). So of course Saget should return as host. With his narration duties for How I Met Your Mother ending, now’s the perfect time for him to transition back to narrating home movies. And doesn’t everyone miss his faux-anecdotal lead-ins to the videos? We’re ready for your comeback, Saget. (Cue raunchy Bob Saget joke.)
John Stamos (Uncle Jesse): If we’re talking “who do we want to look at between kind-of-funny home videos,” Stamos wins. Dude is 50 and he still somehow looks like the flawless Uncle Jesse of our youth. Plus, what else does he have to do? Make more yogurt commercials?
Dave Coulier (Uncle Joey): Fun fact: Right after Saget started his stint as host of AFV, Coulier started hosting America’s Funniest People. Instead of candid videos, Coulier’s show gave us videos of people trying to be funny — so basically it was YouTube for the ’90s. Coulier only hosted for two years though, so he’s probably still got plenty of animal impressions left in him. And he’s always game to make fun of his role as Joey Gladstone. Just like us!
Blake & Dylan Tuomy-Wilhoit (Nicky and Alex): We all know the twins were the real stars of Full House, and it’s time they have a show of their own — but only if they get back their bowl cuts.
Mary-Kate and Ashley Olsen (Michelle): We already know the Olsen twins are entertaining to watch — I mean, did you see Passport to Paris? But they haven’t been on our screens together in, well, forever, and we’re starting to forget their charms. You don’t want us to forget you, do you, MK and A? (They probably want us to forget them.) Handing over hosting duties to the twins would ensure an audience spike: Teen girls would start watching, those who were once teen girls would start watching, everyone wins!
Lori Loughlin (Becky): Loughlin should host if only because she needs to be saved: Right now, she’s starring on a Hallmark Channel series where she wears period clothing and is all-around not funny. No one who was on Full House belongs in a period drama.
Candace Cameron Bure (D.J.): Cameron Bure is competing in the upcoming season of Dancing With the Stars, which means she’s about to become a grade-A dancer and could bring some dance-themed humor to the show. Whatever that means. But if she did host, the best scenario would be for her to do it with…
Andrea Barber (Kimmy): Kimmy Gibler! Everyone’s always like, “I’m not the character I play on TV blah blah blah,” but if Barber and Cameron Bure reprised their roles as best friends, it’d be great: Between videos, Barber does stupid things on accident while always-practical Cameron Bure stands beside her rolling her eyes. Comedy gold, guys. Comedy gold.
Jodie Sweetin (Stephanie): Did anyone really like Stephanie once she aged past her cute “Love Shack” stage? Sure, she gave us the gift of “how rude!” (and what a gift that was), but Sweetin hasn’t exactly proven herself as the world’s greatest entertainer since her time as a Tanner. And even when she does step into the (very, very dim) spotlight, it’s not too exciting: Sweetin and Coulier appeared on a YouTube show in 2011 to promote their Web series Can’t Get Arrested, and all she really talked about was how she was mad she used improper grammar in the clip they showed. We’re all about proper grammar usage, but really, Jodie? That’s what you’re spending your precious time on screen talking about? Bor-ing.
What do you think? Share your picks in the comments below.