Elsewhere, the day had arrived when Winston would learn if he’d passed the LAPD entrance exam, making him eligible for police academy (unfortunately not Police Academy — that’s Winslow). Only, 30 seconds before he looked up his results, Abby psyched him out by not-so-innocently getting Winston to reveal he always chokes when something’s important to him. Terrified of discovering he’d failed, Winston made it his mission to procrastinate for… the rest of his life, I guess? Since most everyone had plans, Winston booked Coach’s entire afternoon training schedule, which had the unfortunate effect of blocking Coach from a little post-workout hanky panky with a client.
Not too long into Winston’s session (see Dotables for a Vine-apalooza because Lamorne Morris was genius), Coach got fed up and checked Winston’s phone. Winny the Bish had indeed failed. They headed to a coffee shop to talk, and Coach encouraged Winston to jump-start a new career trajectory with a job there. The manager gave Winston an immediate interview, and things began unraveling when Winston was asked to name his greatest weakness. An eavesdropping Coach stage whispered everybody’s favorite, perfectionism, so Winny went with that. And then came this panic-induced verbal vomit…
“I’m overheating, so here’s what we’re going to do now — I’m just gonna shoot from the hip, a little rapid fire, give you some fun facts you might not know about me: I hate standing up, I’m bad with numbers, and I just honestly from the bottom of my heart don’t think that women should be allowed to handle money. And that’s for real.”
Despite this damning list of (untrue) weaknesses, things only really fell apart after the manager pointed out that Winston hadn’t filled out the back side of his application. That snafu made Winston think maybe he’d failed his police exam because he’d missed the back there, too. He was relieved, saying to Coach, “I didn’t choke! I’m just careless!” He turned back to the manager to add, “And that is my biggest weakness… ya bitch!” Annnnnd interview over.
Winston and Coach marched over to the police station, where an officer reminded Winston that the test had been administrated on a computer — there was no backside to miss. Oof! Coach proceeded to give his buddy “the Winston of pep talks,” a brutal rag on his failure. But there was more, and Coach spun the heckling forward: Winston had hit rock bottom, so now the pressure was off. This angle gave Winston the courage to return to the officer’s desk and declare that no one would stand in the way of his dream to become a policeman — “definitely not myself.” With that, Winston’s second chance was granted… at 7:30 a.m. the next day. Winston knee-jerked, “Man, what about my last score makes you think I’m ready to take this test again in 12 hours?” Coach assured the unamused officer, “He’ll be there.”
And so the path is clear for Winston to fulfill his destiny (a.k.a. my heart’s desire) of falling in love with Det. Amy Santiago in a Brooklyn Nine-Nine crossover episode. That is, unless he bails after Abby’s dropped some more mind games on him, telling him that he might get paired with a dirty cop, murdered for reporting it to Internal Affairs, and planted next to a male prostitute. Winston’s response: “They got dude prostitutes? Nuh uh!” Yep. Jess is right: Abby is to going to wreck Schmidt — but she may have just started using Winston for target practice.
NEXT: Who doesn’t like a good Coach training Vine?