'New Girl' recap: Misled 'Exes' and Places for Sexin'

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As it turns out, Berkley was indeed still carrying a torch for Jess. Earlier in the day, Jess had told him, “Thank you. You’re incredible, and I’m so lucky to have you in my life.” He took her affirmation as a sign to leave his wife and make Jess his son’s stepmother. After fending off an unwanted kiss with her kitchen-sink spray nozzle (only, it disconnected, and Berkley took Jess’s direction to “pretend this is attached and there’s water” as a cue to do a sexy aquatic mime shtick), Jess tried to hide Berkley’s overtures so Nick wouldn’t know he was right and, by extension, she was wrong.

Right around the time Caroline got into the loft, the jig was up. Berkley proclaimed his crazy love for Jess out loud and started trying to push Nick and Caroline back together. At one point, Jess even laid out a timeline of major events in the roomfriends’ courtship (Nick left Caroline, London Olympics, trouble in Syria, Superstorm Sandy, two months later Nick and Jess kissed — and she didn’t even mention that it took them months after that to actually go “all in”), but Caroline wasn’t having it. She harshly told Jess, “It’s not going to be long before he stops holding your hand and starts high-fiving you, and he stops letting you be the little spoon, and he starts drifting off during important conversations. Jess, you’re the girlfriend now, but one day you’re going to be the ex.” Jess had to excuse herself to the bathroom to cry because “This is the worst thing that’s ever happened to me. I’ve led a very fortune life!

Nick finally shut down the petty arguing and misdirected scheming with a confession for Caroline: He’d loved Jess since the moment she walked into the loft. Once Caroline felt like she wasn’t crazy after all (Nick: “Wellllll…“), the issue was settled. Caroline left, as did Berkley — though only after pathetically asking Jess and Nick if he could avoid his wife a little longer, maybe play some cards? Though Jess was skeptical that Nick had really fallen in love at first sight (because, seriously? He obviously did not), she was willing to accept the super-romantic fib once Nick swept her up in his arms.

NEXT: Schmidt’s Sex Palace is open for risky bidness

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