Winston: Look, before [Nick] and Jess were together, I moved her panties hundreds of times.
Schmidt: Hundreds of times? What were you just hanging around the dryer like some sort of panty hawk?
Coach [laughs raucously]: Panty Hawk! I’d watch that show.
Jess: Which shoe should I wear to Prince’s house? [shuffles feet back and forth] White or black? White or black? Come on, Nick! The limo’s about to get here any minute. White or black?
Nick: I think you look great in everything, I just want this moment to end.
Winston: What are your open-toe options?
Schmidt: Nick, are you wearing cargo pants?
Schmidt: You’re going to wear those to an A-list party? “Hey, guys, how are we going to transport all this cargo? Oh wait, we have Nick’s pants, we’re saved!” Get the friggin’ pants off!
Schmidt: We’re not invited? Then why did I buy this $2,000 suit?
Winston: Dude, my suit cost $200, and it came with socks stapled to the lapel!
Schmidt: In every man’s life, there is one party that changes everything. You don’t understand, and that it exactly why I’m leaving you all behind.
Coach: So this whole time you’ve just been waiting for cooler friends?
Schmidt: Yes, of course. Coach, look around [at this loft], this can’t be the finish line.