What do Sam and Dean do when their best witness in a case is a big, fluffy German Shepherd named The Colonel? Well, in the past, they would have been up a creek. But, these days, they’re armed with all sorts of Men of Letters tricks so, naturally, they found a way to talk to the dog.
In this case, it was Dean who took the hit and drank a hairy potion so he could communicate with animals, and the side effects were nothing short of hilarious.
Among them? He barked at the mail man, had this strange urge to fetch objects after they were thrown, the liked scratching behind his ear, and maybe wanted to sniff butts. The latter is unclear. (Also, I’m sad there was no begging for belly rubs.)
Despite these side effects, Dean’s new ability proved invaluable to the case. He was able to talk to all the animals who had possibly seen something suspicious that would help them solve the case of a dead taxidermist who’d been turned into a human pretzel.
As the case unraveled, we briefly thought the killing was the work of some animal activists. But it turned out the culprit was actually a creepy chef in a cowboy hat who was eating the organs of animals in order to gain powers from them using rituals he learned from a shaman. Each animal organ had its own power, apparently, and he was combining all of them in an effort to heal himself from cancer. His story was kind of sad, really, but in the end, I can’t have too much sympathy for a dude with a sweet tooth for cats.
Also, he tried to slit Sam’s throat, which is just…no. Rude. Also, problematic. Because after Sam’s neck was injured, Zeke (who you’ll recall is running low on Angel Juice) had to save Sam’s life. When Chef Killer Cowboy saw this, he was shocked and asked Sam how he healed himself. (“I want to know what you are!”) The problem was that by this point, Sam had once again taken the wheel, so to speak, and was confused by the question. He brought this up later to Dean, asking him if he knew what the man meant by the question. Dean played dumb, but I can see the clock ticking down on this secret. It’s only a matter of time…and when Sam finds out the truth, it’s not going to be pretty.
As you may have guessed, “Dog Dean Afternoon” was an episode that easily ranks among the legendary Supernatural funnies — like “Yellow Fever,” “Bad Day at Black Rock,” and everything with the Trickster. But, as usual with these hilarious episodes, the larger plot wasn’t ignored in the name of laughs. That fine balance is what keeps me coming back to this crazy party every week.
Well, that and the hilarious dialogue. Speaking of which, here are some of my favorites quotes. Please share yours below.
Dean: I just shoved buffalo milk down his gob twice.
Sam: Buffalo milk?
Dean: Hangover cure. It’s got everything in it — except buffalo milk.
“For the past three night’s I’ve had eight hours of shut-eye. For a hunter, that’s like 20.” — Sam
Sam: Now the question is, are those bleeding hearts witches or hippies?
Dean: What’s the difference?
“I always knew I’d find the source of all evil at a vegan bakery.” — Dean
“Hey, you know who wears sunglasses inside? Blind people…and douchebags.” — Dean
Dean: I’ll do it. You have enough on your plate.
Sam: Like what?
Dean: Like…you’re tired. You’re on the mend. Plus, you, you have a sensitive stomach. Last thing we need is you chucking this stuff up.
“Dennis DeYoung’s not a punk. He’s Mr. Roboto, bitch.” — Dean to The Colonel (the German Shepherd)
“What’s the matter cat got your tongue?” — Dean to The Colonel
“Why are you arguing with a dog about Styx?” — Sam
Dean: How long am I going to have the urge to…
The Colonel: Sniff butts?
Sam: I think it’s best to just leave The Colonel in the car.
Dean: Excuse me?
Sam: Well, all the windows are open.
Dean: You think we like that?
Dean: You think because all the windows are open that’s some sort of a treat? The dog’s coming in!
“I’m being extorted by a dog.” — Dean
“Lucky for you, I speak French.” — Yorkie, who got a belly rub from Sam in exchange for information. Lucky dog.
“I’m as quiet as a mouse.” — Mouse
“My sac is emptier than Santa’s after Christmas.” — The Colonel to Dean after he threatened to have him neutered
“What’s the matter? Drew the short straw, decided to Break Bad?” — Dean to Chef Killer Cowboy
“Don’t make me lick your damn face.” — Dean to unconscious Sam
“I’m going to be pooping wheatgrass with these two.” — The Colonel
“I was afraid to tell you earlier, but I barfed in your back seat.” — The Colonel to Dean
BONUS! My favorite moment: Dean setting the animals FREE from their cages. Adopt, people!