From the makers of 'Friday': Finally, an alphabet song for the YOLO generation! -- VIDEO

abcdefg-video.jpg

Are you an entitled millennial who never learned to read good? (Are you making your overprotective helicopter dad read this post to you right now?) If so, Internet “hitmaker” Patrice Wilson has just the “song” for you.

In “Friday,” he taught you the days of the week. In “It’s Thanksgiving,” he taught you that there is a holiday called Thanksgiving. And now, with this latest purposefully terrible wannabe viral music video, he’ll teach you something even more basic: The letters of the alphabet. Or at least everything before “Q.”

The new song’s title, no joke, is just “ABCDEFG.” (Somehow, I feel like we should give props to Patrice for managing to get the order right.) It’s sung by Alison Gold of questionable “Chinese Food” fame, and its faux-inspirational nonsense lyrics make “Friday” sound like Faulkner. Seriously, don’t play this song for anyone hoping to learn English; it’ll only confuse them.

Also, the video features Wilson peering into 11-year-old Alison’s bedroom window, and the tween confusedly flipping through an ancient paperback dictionary before getting into a strange van that has just pulled up outside her front door, which takes her to a club where she drinks a glass of punch that Patrice Wilson has drugged. With “Puppet Potion.” Also, at one point, she sings solfège syllables without tying them to any recognizable diatonic scale, which is super confusing.

I guess you can watch it if you really want:

Seriously, you have to read these lyrics to believe them. I spent about as much time transcribing them as Wilson did writing them. If you can make out the few bits I had trouble understanding, then by all means post your guesses in the comments.

A stands for Anything you wanna have
B comes when you believe, believe
C will come when you take a Chance
D falls in line when you open up the Door

I want to take it step by step
The way we do it is my best
The way we try to fit the rest
Uh, never can can pass this test
Mama (?) some stressed
Press, always try to impress the best
When you feel the pain in your chest
You know you just passed the test

This feeling is like ABCDEFG
HIJKLMNOP
You got me thinking I will be on a one-way spree
Ooh, ooh
Ooh, ooh
If you just see
ABCDEFG
HIJKLMNOP
You got me thinking I will be on a one-way spree
Ooh, ooh, if you just see

Heading to the party
Thinking to myself
All these mixed emotions
Now I need some help
It’s hard to focus, but I gotta take a chance
I need somebody to help me through
All these feelings that I’m dealing with
These feelings that I can’t resist
These feelings that I need
Need a friend by my side
Do-re-me-so-la-te-do

I want to take it step by step
The way we do it is my best
The way we try to fit the rest
Uh, never can can pass this test
Mama (?) some stressed
Press, always try to impress the best
When you feel the pain in your chest
You know you just passed the test

This feeling is like ABCDEFG
HIJKLMNOP
You got me thinking I will be on a one-way spree
Ooh, ooh
Ooh, ooh
If you just see
ABCDEFG
HIJKLMNOP
You got me thinking I will be on a one-way spree
Ooh, ooh, if you just see

And you take it slow
This is the way you grow your fro
(Grow your fro)
Can’t say no
Cause you are think you are grown
Woah, she’s going to tell you no
This is so getting crazy
I think she’ll call you maybe
But you might just be shady
Can’t mess with [little red daisy?]

This feeling is like ABCDEFG
HIJKLMNOP
You got me thinking I will be on a one-way spree
Ooh, ooh
Ooh, ooh
If you just see
ABCDEFG
HIJKLMNOP
You got me thinking I will be on a one-way spree
Ooh, ooh, don’t you wanna see


Latest Videos

Advertisement

From Our Partners

TV Recaps

Powered by WordPress.com VIP