It’s official: Lifetime has canceled The Client List, a.k.a. my guiltiest pleasure on television. After two years of watching Riley Parks go from housewife to dirty masseuse to potential murderer, I’m now expected (read: forced) to walk away from the show just as it was about to give me some answers. What have I done to deserve this?! Is it too much to ask to put a pregnant Jennifer Love Hewitt back in her stilettos for one more teeny tiny little season? She doesn’t even have to massage people anymore. I’m willing to compromise.
For those of you who need a refresher course, season 2 ended with Riley’s world essentially imploding. The police were hot on her trail, she had just burned down her own massage parlor (potentially killing a wanted criminal in the process), and the two most important men in her life had finally figured out that she was hiding a massive secret. Allow me to paint you a picture: A beaten up Riley stood in front of two gorgeous men (who wanted answers) as her business burned to the ground behind her and sirens approached. Her last words were literally, “I can explain.” Sorry Riley, but you’ll never get the chance. And now, what was a good tease has turned into what might be the worst final line of a show … ever.
Was Riley going to go to jail? Was she going to live happily ever after with her husband, or would she eventually ditch him for his brother? And what about her best friend, who finally adopted the baby she’d been waiting for? I love watching people be all happy with babies and stuff! And what about Derek and Selena? Okay, I don’t really care about them, but still.
Apparently, Lifetime and Hewitt couldn’t agree on the terms of her real-life pregnancy as it fit in with the show. She wanted Riley to get pregnant with Kyle’s baby, which makes sense to me. They did make a really big deal out of them finally sleeping together again. And it’s not like it would’ve been their first child together. Plus, a pregnant woman in an orange jumpsuit?! That could’ve been crazy interesting and maybe it would’ve helped to get her out of jail? I know nothing about law. But neither did Riley! All she cared about was her family, her boobs, her stilettos, and her men. And I loved her!
After two years of lingerie, love-triangle drama, and Southern accents, can I at least get a Lifetime movie where Riley goes to jail, comes out a changed, hardened shell of her former self only to fall back in love with [insert your choice of hot brother here] and live a charmed life … until the bills are due and she has to go back to giving happy endings and hiding it from the police (with the help of the unstoppable Georgia), during which she might or might not commit murder while wearing a wig, lingerie, and stilettos? Is that really too much to ask?
Your turn, PopWatchers! How do you imagine Riley’s non-existent future? Are you as distraught over this guilty-pleasure goodbye as I am?