Winston: You think you tell that story better than me? Look, you leave out way too many details, man. You don’t just say he was chewing a candy bar, you say he was chewing on a nougat-y candy bar.
Nick: That’s not the kind of writer I am. I don’t say words like “nougat-y.” I’m simple. I’m like Hemingway.
Jess: Who wants candy?
Nick: Did you go trick-or-treating?
Jess: No! I was out, I had my errand tote [with Jack-o-lanterns all over it], and a couple of neighbors gave me candy. Is that trick-or-treating?
Nick: Yes, that’s the definition of trick-or-treating, Jess.
Schmidt, on the delicate nature of Internet communication…
“You think it’s too early to e-mail Michael back? Should I send him an eCard? Does that change anything? Or does that change everything?”
Schmidt: So it was you, not Keaton, who told me that women aren’t attracted to men who wear maternity pants?
Nick: Yeah, Schmidt, but that one I feel like I shouldn’t have had to.
Schmidt: They’re unbelievably comfortable.