All the while, Schmidt was down in the dumps after finally acknowledging he’d done a terrible thing to Cece and Elizabeth. It was taking a toll on him, he admitted: “I’m a mess, I can’t sleep, I urinate constantly, I cried the other day listening to a techno song, my tweets have been extremely literal.” In typical Schmidt fashion he embarked upon a half-assed spiritual quest and consulted an unimpressed rabbi (Jon Lovitz), who told Schmidt he should try to put others’ needs before his own.
On the way out of the temple, Schmidt saw a bike messenger crash to the ground as he choked and looked a hell of a lot like David Faustino (in fact, he was Drunk History regular Derek Waters). Schmidt instinctively saved the guy, then spent the rest of the next two days not only proclaiming what a good person he was (sometimes in Hebrew) but also demanding that others reciprocate — out loud. Lowest of lows, Schmidt actually visited the hospital for the express purpose of getting the guy he’d saved to proclaim Schmidt’s goodness.
Even after Schmidt got what he thought he wanted, he noticed the messenger’s hospital roommate laid up in a full-body cast after being hit by a truck during a bake sale for kids with cancer. Schmidt, seeing that bad things could happen to good people, was back in turmoil. He barged into a Torah class and started haranguing the rabbi about the uselessness of doing good. Somewhere around the time he was urging the teens in the class to “YOLO! YOLO!” two more burly rabbis came in to deliver a holy beat down.
Schmidt returned home and finally received what he’d been searching for all along: Winston told him he was a good man, even if he’d done a bad thing. He added that all Schmidt could do was try to do better. As a token, he gave Schmidt a candelabra he’d purchased with the money Nick paid off and told him, “May it illuminate your path and lead you out of the darkness — that’s what it says on the bottom.” Before that, though, as Schmidt guessed, Winston had tried rubbing the candelabra three times; no genie came out. What would Winnie have wished for? More candelabras, of course.
So… yeah. No Dotables this week. As much as Nick’s rant about all the weird crap in Jess’s room (“Bobby’s pins” … “What are you knitting? A mansion?”) was chuckle-worthy and as much as his suggestion that men “want to be playing the saxophone in an ally and have you walk by in a miniskirt with a purse with gem” was oddly specific (like, say, an $8 processing fee) this week was overall forgettable. Hopefully Winston’s candelabra will light the way to a make-good Halloween episode. Your thoughts, Newbies?