Inconceivable! Criminal mastermind calls himself the 'Dread Pirate Roberts,' ruins 'The Princess Bride' for everyone

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The FBI has caught the man allegedly behind Silk Road, a notorious e-commerce site that trafficked illegal goods and services. His real name is Ross William Ulbricht — but online, the 29-year-old called himself “the Dread Pirate Roberts.” As in the character from The Princess Bride.

Say it with us: “Inconceivable!”

Fans of The Princess Bride know that the Dread Pirate Roberts’ title must be inherited. But Ulbricht apparently nicknamed himself after the ruthless buccaneer — which almost makes us want to storm a castle or sentence him to life in the Pit of Despair. Then again, maybe we should have expected this agony; after all, life is pain. Anyone who says differently is selling something.

Ulbricht was arrested in a San Francisco public library and charged with narcotics trafficking, computer hacking and money laundering — crimes clearly beneath any true Dread Pirate Roberts. At least his capture gives us an excuse to revisit the real Dread Pirate’s duel with Inigo Montoya (a.k.a. Mandy Patinkin, a.k.a. the potential Dread Pirate Roberts) in all its glory.


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