Elisabeth Hasselbeck's greatest hits on 'The View'

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Image Credit: ABC

In the past 12 years, Elisabeth Hasselbeck has matured (?) from the poster child for abs and pigtail buns (seriously so cute) on Survivor to one of the most outspoken yet least informed clangy kitchen utensils on the planet. Now that she’s officially leaving The View for Fox News, here’s a roundup of some of her most memorable and controversial moments. Consider it the worst greatest hits album of all time.

October, 2006 — Expressed dismay at the Oct. 17 episode of Law & Order: SVU, in which the curiously named victim Elizabeth Hassenback was raped on two occasions, then murdered by a sociopath intent on charting his victims’ ovulation cycles so he could impregnate them. (Rude, but worth it just for the headline ‘Elisabeth Hasselbeck vs. Law & Order: SVU.)

May, 2007 — The epic (if you have a loose definition of the word, and at this point, really, who doesn’t?) Elisabeth vs. Rosie O’Donnell brawl about the war in Iraq, or as Rosie predicted it’d get spun in the media: Rosie — big, fat, lesbian, loud Rosie — attacks innocent, pure, Christian Elisabeth. “Do you believe I think our troops are terrorists, Elisabeth?

My fave lines are “I am not a double speaker!” and “Guess what? I LIKE FACTS.”

April, 2008 — Stood up to greet a guest (Chris Rock’s mom) without realizing she was already sitting on the couch:

July, 2008 — Broke down in tears while battling Whoopi Goldberg re: the use of the N-word:

December, 2008 — Argued with Melissa Etheridge over gay marriage:

February, 2009 — Spoke out, for the children, against Michael Phelps hitting the bong. (The children don’t care.)

May, 2009 — Argued with Jesse “The Body” Ventura about waterboarding. “Do you want me to put you in a Full Nelson?” Hasselbeck demanded. She said so many other things, but this was the most intelligent.

June, 2009 — Said Jon & Kate Plus Eight should no longer exist and that Kate Gosselin should “get a job.” Which was so weird, because “looking sour under a rapidly changing head of hair, while yelling, on TV” has been Elisabeth’s job for so many years! (Gosselin would eventually step in as a guest host of The View later that year, proving their interchangeability.)

October, 2009 — On the Balloon Boy hoax: “This is what we deserved,” she said.

May, 2010Gave a teary-eyed apology to Erin Andrews a day after commenting on The View that she thought Erin’s skimpy Dancing With the Stars costumes were a bit too slutty for a stalking victim. (The ESPN sportscaster-turned-DWTS contestant was filmed nude through a peephole in her hotel room, and the video was subsequently posted online.)

June, 2010 — Called recurring guest Kathy Griffin “not so funny,” pouted, and refused to shake her hand without the help of an intermediary party. Just typical high school stuff. Hasselbot would later keep unloading heat onto Griffin after the comedian jokingly referred to the Obama daughters as prostitutes.

July, 2010Switched from ‘attack dog’ to ‘aggressive terrier’ mode while peppering President Obama with questions.

May, 2011 — *RESTRAINT SHOWN, ACTIVATED IN BOT.* Refused to comment — despite Joy and Babs egging her on! — on the Navy Seal assault that led to the death of Osama bin Laden, during a discussion with ABC News’ chief investigative correspondent Brian Ross. “Wait a minute, I think it’s insane to politicize this event right now, and I refuse to partake in that, at all,” she said.

September, 2011Feuded with a book-promoting Michael Moore over the politics surrounding Osama bin Laden’s death while getting free publicity for her CMT show that would debut that night, Angels Among Us.

November, 2011Confronted Bill Maher about a joke he made on his HBO show, in which he stated that upon Lara Logan’s return to the U.S. after her sexual assault in Egypt, America would send Hasselbeck in her place.

“I actually feel smarter sitting next to you!” she gushed. “I feel like I’m in high school sitting next to you,” he admitted.

January, 2013Reacted wackily to Beyoncé’s lip-syncing controversy at the Super Bowl. We should all just shut up and sing!’ she advocated. “Unless you’re all singing with her, you shouldn’t say anything because we should sing that anthem. You should sing whether you sing it poorly or not.”

What’s your favorite Hasselbot memory? (Least faves also count!)

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