'Mistresses' episode 3: Put down the blow torch

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Image Credit: Danny Feld/ABC

And while you’re at it, Karen (yep, that’s Yunjin Kim a.k.a. Sun from Lost), just step away from any/everything involving the family of your dead, married, lover/patient! Is anyone going to watch ABC’s Mistresses with me? Awesome.

Stop it, Sun! I understand why it’s taking awhile for Karen (technically the only real “mistress” of the four main characters…so far) to get over ageless handsome-monster John Schneider, whom we saw in some blow torch-enriched flashbacks. “I’m not done with Tom,” Karen confesses to Savannah (Alyssa Milano), who tries to convince her to move on. “Move on to what?” asked the dumbest doctor in the world, who left her sunglasses in Tom’s abandoned modern art lair. Previews suggest she’ll move on to seducing college-aged Sam Grey, who found the glasses. But why not try…

The exceedingly hot Dr. Jacob? Karen’s been too busy shredding all of her doctor/patient notes on Tom (???!) to notice she has a ready-to-mingle colleague in Jacob (Matthew Del Negro). Dr. Jacob was a Carl from Love Actually situation waiting to happen, so thank God Karen wised up and asked him to attend a party with a toilet in the center of the living space this week. Some major bicep-rubbing action was happening, face to face, shrink to shrink, until young Sam had to tear Karen away with his reckless drunk driving and cries for help. Let’s focus on Dr. Jacob, please!

What’s up with Richard? Do I care? Not really. This would be Madison’s dad, who gave April (Rochelle Aytes) the cold shoulder at their daughters’ school (after she stood him up twice) and then flat-out rejected her at the end of the episode, explaining that she needed to resolve her issues. Is it just me or is there something sinister or just not right about the look in his eyes at all times? Perhaps I just feel this way because we learned he’s a sportswriter/friend of Lamar Odom, and you can never trust a journalist/anyone who has anything to do with the Kardashians.

New form of soft core porn: Forearm flexing, as demonstrated valiantly by Savi’s colleague/recent sex partner Dominic (Jason George). But honestly, Savi’s actual husband Harry (Brett Tucker) is so much hotter. It might have helped that he spent an entire scene in a steamy bathroom wearing just a towel. Harry is like Ben from Felicity (Scott Speedman) yet older, hotter, Australian, more often shirtless, and more available. Why would you cheat on him, girl? Get your head on straight! I’d have “SWH” marked on my calendar every night of the damn week.

(However, I suspect there’s something going on between Harry and that bitchy bug-eyed hostess we saw at Harry’s restaurant in a previous episode.)

Who’s pregnant? That would be Savannah. The real question is, whose baby? Sex With Harry would indicate Savi could have conceived with him at just the right time… but Sex With Dominic was intense as well. I suspect Savi and Dominic could have made a baby in tonight’s hot dream sequence alone. FIRST DREAM SEQUENCE FETUS IN TV HISTORY.

Mistress Math: Blowtorch = Heart = Penis “This little hazardous flame — it’s my heart,” Thomas Grey told Karen during a flashback. “And I had no idea what beauty it was capable of ’til I pointed it in the right direction.” Awww/ewwww?

Line of the night:

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“Get a longer skirt.” / “No! Get a taller child!” -Joss to a mom in the elevator at her work

Will you stick with this show? Ratings were up 17 percent for last week’s second episode; we’ll see if it gains heat this time around. Mistresses is based on a British series that had only six episodes in its first season, whereas ABC’s season will have 13. I can see the plots already stretching a bit thin, and reading the episode description for next week is worrisome — it could have been the exact same description as tonight’s. For now, though, I’m into it, if only for Joss’ one-liners and the fact that they’re playing some fabulous dreamy/ambient/sexually charged music — that was Cat Power’s “Cherokee” at the end of tonight’s hour.

Read more:
‘Mistresses’ star Alyssa Milano talks seductive new role


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