WARNING: This story contains plot details from tonight’s season finale of Parks and Recreation. Proceed with caution.
It was the case of a lifetime for Bert Macklin, FBI — someone from the parks department was with child, and he was going to identify the mother-to-be.
What unfolded was Parks and Recreation‘s take on a Whodunit. Except in this case it was Whodunit Without Birth Control. (And for more on the twists, read our post-mortem with EP Michael Schur.)
It all started when Andy found a positive pregnancy test while rummaging through the garbage at Ron’s cabin. (As a dedicated fan of Parks and Rec, I don’t really need an explanation for Andy’s actions anymore, but in case you’re wondering, he accidentally threw out his sweater.) And since the entire gang had just wrapped up a Founder’s Week planning meeting at the cabin, Andy knew the mom-to-be had to be among the Parks crew. So he started going through the list of suspects, which didn’t include April initially because “she would have told me,” he claimed.
So…it’s April, right? WRONG! In fact, it was the LAST person you’d expect…
Yes, RON SWANSON is going to be a father.
The episode was quite the ride, though. It was riddled with tiny red herrings that threw me off the scent — from Leslie declining a beer to April’s more-awkward-than-usual behavior to Mona Lisa’s upset stomach/epic fake-out that nearly gave Tom a heartattack. Bravo, show.
That also wasn’t the only twist of the night. Other developments?
+ A group of evil citizens from the now-ninth fattest city (down from fourth!) in America wants to recall Leslie, claiming that she’s ruined their beautiful town. The Restaurant Association’s Kathryn Pinewood was angry because Leslie imposed a soda tax earlier this year to discourage the sale of sugary drinks (it’s an American right to have a 500-ounce soda, dammit!), one man bemoaned the fact that he has to drive 10 minutes out of his way to get his triple-decker pancake breakfast pizza, and one couple hates that Pawnee had become a sex den thanks to Leslie’s sex education initiative. So they want her OUT! Gosh, they’re worse than the Walrus Mafia. Maybe we need to call the raccoons back…
+ Tom’s Rent-a-Swag is going to have some competition. Someone else in town was interested in purchasing the business but when Tom turned it down, he learned they plan to open their own!
+ April was accepted to vet school — but it will take her all the way to Bloomington and away from Andy! Thankfully, Andy proclaimed, “We can get through that.”
+ Also, FYI, Brandi Maxxxx was in Argo!
Womb, there it is, gang. Thoughts?
“Lending? Makes it sound like I had a choice in the matter. I never should have agreed to this or let you know that I have a cabin — or gotten to know any of you.” — Ron, after Leslie thanks him for lending them the cabin.
“I don’t want to over-hype it, but our parade makes the Rose Bowl Parade look like a turds on wheels convention.” — Leslie
“Due to a tragic misunderstanding, the Prettiest Pig Beauty Pageant has been replaced by a pork rib barbecue competition….Oh, no.” — Chris, who was also king of the parade!
Andy: Bert Macklin works alone
Ann: I’ll buy lunch; you can have as many burgers as you want.
Andy: Welcome to the FBI
Leslie: You somehow convinced the school board that napkins are a vegetable.
Kathryn Pinewood: They’re made from plants.
“This case just got interesting…well, not just. It was pretty interesting to being with. This case just remained interesting.” — Andy
“I’ve thought about this a lot…and I think you should get a Hello Kitty tattoo.” — April to Tom
“No spoilers.” — Chris
Andy, to Tom: My assistant has something she’d like to show you.
Ann: [Correcting] Partner.
Andy: Oh….my assistant has something she’d like to show you, partner.
“Silver Linings Playbook…kind of.”– Leslie, who couldn’t control her urge to say dance movie titles during her press conference
“As I’ve known about you…for the past 20 seconds…this is your dream.” — Andy