Jack Black gets roasted: Here are the top 15 zingers of the night

JACK-BLACK

Image Credit: Charles Eshelman/FilmMagic

The moment we heard that Jack Black was this year’s honoree at the infamous Friars Club roast, we expected a good show. What we didn’t expect was that Al Roker and Bob Saget would become the target of more jokes than Black himself.

During Friday’s roast at the midtown Hilton in New York City, roastmaster Bob Saget kicked off the evening, which would end up targeting Jack’s guests even more so than Jack. And while most of the insults were funny, there were a few topics that got old fast. Yes, Al Roker pooped his pants. We get it. Yes, Jerry Lewis is very, very old. And so is Gene Simmons. And The Beach Boys. People get old, OK? And finally, yes, we understand that both Jack Black and fellow comedian Artie Lange are overweight. Can we move on yet?

Once everyone got past the weight and age topics — they never got past the Al Roker joke — the show started to pick up. The event, which was filled with the occasional video message from the likes of Seth Rogen, James Franco, Danny McBride, Shirley MacClaine, Matthew McConaughey, and Will Ferrell (as Ron Burgundy), ran smoothly.

Richard Marx even got up on stage and performed a Tenacious D song in the middle of the roast, which was bizarre, but somehow worked. And other than a few very distasteful digs at comedian Artie Lange for stabbing himself, the show was full of insults that had the crowd — and even Black — in hysterics.

Here are the top 15 zingers of the roast:

Best Digs at Jack
“Jack Black. That’s what Kim Kardashian does every night.” -Bob Saget

“He’s not your typical leading gnome.” -Bob Saget

“[Jack] prefers to be left alone, which is why he made Nacho Libre.” -Sarah Silverman

“Next up Jack is starring in Kung Fu Panda 3, cause he always goes back for thirds. Roger Ebert was going to review that movie but he took the easy way out.” -Jeff Ross

Best digs at Bob Saget
“Anyone who’s seen Bob’s stand-up knows it’s nothing like Full House. He played a sweet dad for Full House; he plays a terrible comedian for a half-full house.” -Sarah Silverman

“Thank you, Uncle Jesse.” -Amadeo Fusca

“I was so nervous for the roast today I wanted to go over my lines. Bob Saget snorted them all.” -Amadeo Fusca

“Bob is currently on a stand-up tour of colleges, and it’s just nice to see someone not killing at a school these days.” -Jeff Ross

“Do you know the myriad of emotions you go through when you find out you’re going to be the second lead in an MGM comedy then immediately find out it’s being directed by Bob Saget? It’s like finding out your 12-year-old star quarterback son is being recruited by a big college coach, and that coach is Jerry Sandusky.” -Artie Lange

Best Digs at other attendees
“These aren’t comedians, actors, musicians and a studio head. These are Jerry’s pall-bearers.” -Bob Saget on Jerry Lewis

“If you want to see more of Oliver [Platt], he’s in a different canceled show every year.” -Bob Saget

“You’re a bad actor Richard. You make Ice-T look like Sidney Poitier, let’s be honest.” -Amy Schumer to Law & Order: SVU’s Richard Belzer

“I loved you in Slumdog Millionaire.” –Amy Schumer to Padma Lakshmi

“What a turnout: Dee Snider, Debbie Harry, Joan Osborne. Last time I saw these three musicians together was in a $1 CD bin.” -Jeff Ross

“Is this a roast or a charity concert for shingles. The Beach Boys. Don’t you think it’s about time you change the name of the band to something more age appropriate, like The Grateful Dead?” -Jeff Ross

Read more:
Jack Black is getting a Friars Club roast — let’s get the ball rolling!
Betty White roast: Superlatives for the most super ninetysomething of all (Sorry, Abe Vigoda!)

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