Justin Bieber wore a yellow hat with spikes out in public this week. That is the only background you need to enjoy Damon Lindelof’s hours-long Twitter one-liner spree. (Warning: NSFW language to follow):
Dear Everyone Asking What I Want For My Birthday This Year,THIS EFFING HAT.Love,Damon twitter.com/DamonLindelof/…
— Damon Lindelof (@DamonLindelof) February 27, 2013
Seriously. Do you think everyone in Bieber's entourage is like, "HOLY SHIT I LOVE THAT HAT!"—
Damon Lindelof (@DamonLindelof) February 27, 2013
The dude from The Black Keys is buying a larger, spikier hat right now.—
Damon Lindelof (@DamonLindelof) February 27, 2013
For all those following me, please be aware that I will be obsessively tweeting about Bieber's hat for the next NINE HOURS.—
Damon Lindelof (@DamonLindelof) February 27, 2013
That hat looks like Pac Man wandered into the gay bar from Police Academy—
Damon Lindelof (@DamonLindelof) February 27, 2013
Bieber: "How much for the huge yellow hat with spikes that looks painful?"
Clerk: "Fourteen Million Dollars."
Bieber: "Sold, bitch!"—
Damon Lindelof (@DamonLindelof) February 27, 2013
And slightly out of frame, Curious George looks adoringly up at Bieber, dressed only in a little leather diaper.
#JustGettingWarmedUp—
Damon Lindelof (@DamonLindelof) February 27, 2013
"But what if someone tries to STEAL MY HAT, yo?" "Well, Justin, THEIR SHIT WILL GET SPIKED!!!" (high-five, falsetto cry of victory)—
Damon Lindelof (@DamonLindelof) February 27, 2013
Yellow is a girly color unless it is covered in poison-tipped spikes and on Justin Bieber's head.—
Damon Lindelof (@DamonLindelof) February 27, 2013
I wish I was Justin Bieber.—
Damon Lindelof (@DamonLindelof) February 27, 2013
What pants? Hold on… I'm googling it n — HOLY CHRIST ARE YOU SERIOUS?!?—
Damon Lindelof (@DamonLindelof) February 27, 2013
The only excuse for that hat is to block Professor X from reading Bieber's mind.—
Damon Lindelof (@DamonLindelof) February 27, 2013
FACT: The hat did NOT exist before the Russian Meteorite. Coincidence? GOOD LORD I HOPE SO.—
Damon Lindelof (@DamonLindelof) February 27, 2013
I made a meme.
qkme.me/3t62ee—
Damon Lindelof (@DamonLindelof) February 27, 2013
I'm not done tweeting about Bieber's hat. Just resting.—
Damon Lindelof (@DamonLindelof) February 28, 2013
"That hat is fucking ridiculous." — Johnny Depp, to Bieber, whilst wearing a dead peacock on his head.—
Damon Lindelof (@DamonLindelof) February 28, 2013
I unleashed about seven hundred Bieber-Hat-related tweets. The most popular by far? "I am sad and alone."
#YouPeople—
Damon Lindelof (@DamonLindelof) February 28, 2013
Bieber's hat is like one of those plants that looks that way to protect itself from predators.—
Damon Lindelof (@DamonLindelof) February 28, 2013
Yellow shiny spikes. I wear you golden love crown. Ooh baby baby.
#BieberHatHaiku—
Damon Lindelof (@DamonLindelof) February 28, 2013
Do it. Being folded sucks.
RT @RealRamonaW I'm going to unfold ow you. Don't make me do it—
Damon Lindelof (@DamonLindelof) February 28, 2013
Bieber's hat was in the lost ark of the covenant.
#FaceMelting
#Nazis
#DontLookAtItMarion—
Damon Lindelof (@DamonLindelof) February 28, 2013
This is Bieber's Hat's girlfriend. http://t.co/3vAUJvslr8—
Damon Lindelof (@DamonLindelof) February 28, 2013
Tweeting about Bieber's Hat is like unlimited breadsticks at The Olive Garden. I should stop, but I can't.
#SponsoredByTheOliveGarden—
Damon Lindelof (@DamonLindelof) February 28, 2013
Bieber's Hat died for your sins.—
Damon Lindelof (@DamonLindelof) February 28, 2013
You just made my night.
RT @AshleySpivey as douchey as the hat is, nothing will ever top the money sweatpants. lockerz.com/s/285441375—
Damon Lindelof (@DamonLindelof) February 28, 2013
Y u so MEAN? COL!!! (cry out loud)
RT @seilovebieber @DamonLindelof STFU !!!! Did anybody ask u your opinion on as to what Justin does ??—
Damon Lindelof (@DamonLindelof) February 28, 2013
Justin Bieber has yet to tweet a response, but did just tweet, “My birthday is tomorrow.” We’re guessing Lindelof isn’t getting him a present, despite the gift Bieber gave him.
[h/t Gawker]
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