Super Bowl 2013: Best and Worst Commercials

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My overwhelming thought following tonight’s rippling terrain of pricey Super Bowl commercials was that Doritos missed a great cross-promotional opportunity by not joining forces with Calvin Klein. There’s always next year. Below, zip through a bunch of 2013′s most memorable — best AND worst! — Super Bowl ads.

BUDWEISER CLYDESDALES, “REUNION”
Aggggghhhhh. UNSTOPPABLE CUTENESS. Set to the dulcet tones of Fleetwood Mac’s “Landslide,” a baby foal (seven days old at the time of filming) leaves his devoted trainer and grows up to roam “free” in the streets of downtown Chicago to find proud papa again! This spot has everything you’d want to happen in a reunion video featuring a lowly human and a near-mythical beast who share the beautiful bond of having their lives enhanced by a beer company. Go hug your horse, if you have a horse. If not, hug yourself because you need one.

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JEEP, “AMERICA WILL BE WHOLE AGAIN”
Moments after BeyoncĂ© and Destiny’s Child reminded us how to writhe on the floor and kiiiiick!, Jeep delivered this somber “Operation Safe Return” book-on-tape narrated by Oprah — the Clint Eastwood of the 2013 Super Bowl (at least until the Ram commercial would air later on). It was a little too long and I assumed it was for the army (or the Oprah Winfrey Network), but damn if I didn’t tear up.

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SAMSUNG, “THE NEXT BIG THING”
Paul Rudd, Seth Rogen, and Bob Odenkirk — and all they do is talk? They had us at “a guy named Sam Sung.” Or if you’re a fan of awesomely shaggy hair, “the first moment we saw Paul Rudd.”

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VOLKSWAGEN, “GET IN. GET HAPPY.”
Meet Dave, a Minnesotan (“the land of 10 tau-sand lakes!”) with a Jamaican accent. How or why is not the point — I’m pretty sure the point is….huh. That if you own a Volkswagen your coworkers will switch from staring blankly at your antics to plastering smiles on their faces as you all go out for a leisurely lunch? Or, more likely, “People will remember this white guy with a Jamaican accent. Volkswagen.” Of note: Red Stripe beer was quick to follow up with a short spot declaring Volkswagen “not offensive.”

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NEXT PAGE: Oreo wins the night, social media-wise…

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