'New Girl': Nickels & Dimed

(Page 3 of 4)

Elsewhere, Schmidt was working his own gambit, and the pawn was Robbie. As Cece’s mother tried to set her up with another Indian boy, Schmidt snarked, “Yeah. Have fun with your Devs and Anushes and your Deepaks… whatever Patel that you’re dating.” He really lost his cool, though, when she said the name of her latest set-up. Schmidt rattled off the guy’s family’s success in a frenzy: “They only nailed the crowd control logistics in Bombay’s revamped open-air market!” Busted.

The next day, while the rest of the roommates were watching the ponies, Schmidt went to a restaurant to stake out Cece and her date. There he ran into Robbie, who thought donning a masterful disguise (a.k.a. a baseball cap) and spying on Cece might earn him another shot. Of course, Cece spotted  them — in the middle of a commiserative embrace, no less — and the jig was up. Or was it? They decided to work together to shut down Cece’s Indian romantic prospects. It was their own little “white (guy) power” movement. (It’s worth noting that Schmidt immediately recognized the negative, racist associations of that particular name. Robbie… not so much). Schmidt’s goal was simple: “Neutralize the Subcontinental threat” by reuniting Cece and Robbie. Then he would swoop in and “smite” Robbie. Though Robbie was not on board with the latter half of the plan, it was still totally on.

Though many ideas were on the table (Dotables), they ultimately went for simplicity and stormed Cece’s apartment, where she was all decked out — and looking stunning — in a sari/bindi combo. Cue a stream of Indian sexual puns from Schmidt (Dotables). Naturally Cece’s family, as well as her suitor’s, was hearing this entire exchange because they were meeting to bless the beginning of Cece’s new relationship. Though that’s not what Schmidt assuming was happening. One word: Orgy.

When Robbie saw Cece’s handsome prospect, he felt sunk. Schmidt pumped him up: “You’re kind, you always have gum, and you’ve got so much pep!” Robbie returned the compliment: “You’re confident, you’re punctual, and you came up with this awesome plan.” Though that last one’s debatable, their commitment to this fledgling bromance was not. Robbie issued a few more cries of “White guy power!” before one of Cece’s more menacing-looking family members stepped in, and the new bros scuttled off. They headed back to the loft and wondered if Cece and her new beau would work out. “I don’t know, really can’t say,” Schmidt said. “What I can is that one arranged marriage did take place today — the marriage of Schmidt and Robbie!” They clinked, and Schmidt continued, “I only dread the day that we defeat all the Indians and must face each other in a dual to the death.” Robbie: “Oh… buzzkill.”

NEXT: Monsoon Bedding

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