Things I learned during the actual ceremony: 1) Ashley’s last name, Hebert, is pronounced “Ay-bear,” all Frenchy like, rather then “He-burt,” which any normal person would expect. 2) JP can communicate with Ashley via a series of silent winks… or he has some kind of eye twitch. 3) You don’t have to have a drop of Irish blood in your veins to feature a Celtic “handfasting” ritual in your wedding. 4) When moms cry, it’s impossible not to cry with them, even if you’ve never met them. (Possible exception: Casey Anthony.) 5) Bowties have gotten really big lately. 6) Ashley’s gotta hold it together because JP’s not gonna hold it together if she doesn’t. 7) Ali F. sometimes does brush her hair extensions! 8) People make a lot of ridiculous promises on their wedding day. “I promise that every day we are together will be the greatest day of my life”? Ashley, let me give you a little bit of marriage advice: Expectations are for managing and exceeding, not for setting so high they can’t be reached without an oxygen tank and a sherpa. 9) Throwing feathers at a wedding is apparently a thing now.
And we’re on to the reception! Stag must already be a little liquored up, because he’s catcalling the bride — “So hot! SO HOT!” — as she makes her grand entrance with JP. And Emily’s tight smile during this sound bite says it all: “As someone who’s been in love a couple times and had it not work out a couple times, seeing how happy Ashley and JP are, it really makes me think maybe I shouldn’t throw in the towel just yet.”
Well, rose lovers, Ashley and JP’s “journey” is about over… but Sean’s is just beginning! The new season of The Bachelor is just 22 days away, and now, I offer this haiku based on the preview of the upcoming season:
Don’t interrupt me!
She has a secret boyfriend.
Monkey on the beach.
So, what did you think? Was Ashley and JP’s wedding everything you dreamed it could be and more? Are you disappointed Boo didn’t wear the antique lace? Thoughts on the bridesmaids’ dresses? (They’re definitely not going to wear those again.) Would you hire Harrison to officiate your wedding? Speak now, or forever hold your peace!
