'30 Rock': Liz Lemon gets married!

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In the throwaway story line of the night, Jenna was dealing with the repercussions of a Surge commercial she made in 1994. The commercial promised prizes in exchange for Surge points. An Arizona man named Terry had acquired the 1 million points needed to own Jenna. Jack used his negotiating skills to save Jenna from living with a slave master by promising Terry Jenna’s cash value equivalent. Unfortunately, Jenna’s value had significantly depreciated from $800,000 to only $2,000. Terry took the money anyway, saying that two grand would get him a castle and pillowcase full of meth in Arizona. While Jenna should have been happy that she didn’t have to be a slave, she had an actress breakdown because she  felt worthless. This struck a chord with Jack, who’s also past his prime. But we’re going to come full circle here and say there’s hope for us all! If Liz Lemon can get married then Jack and Jenna really have nothing to worry about.

The top 10 lines from “Mazel Tov, Dummies!”:

++ “This is a win-win. If it’s positive, awesome! We’re having a baby. I want to name it Frisbee. If it’s negative, awesome. We’re not going to fight about the name Frisbee, and we get disco fries for breakfast because we’re sad.” —Criss Chros, about the results of Liz’s pregnancy test

++ “You’ve got to choose the next project for your company, Dammit I’ll Pick A Name Later Dot Com, Productions.” —Dot Com, talking about Tracy’s movie studio

++ “We live together. We love each other. I ignore it when you eat popsicles by biting them with your teeth, which is insane.” —Lemon to Criss

++ Jack: “And you can wear that wedding dress that you bought.”
Lemon: “No. I can’t. I got rid of that after hurricane Irene. I had forgotten to stock up on toilet paper, but I had remembered to stock up on seven-layer dip…”

++ Lemon: “I mean, have you seen Wedding Bitches on Bravo?”
Jack: “I remember when Bravo used to air operas.”

++ “I’m going to have to start living like there’s a tomorrow. Open an IRA. Brush my teeth. Drink eight glasses a day of that stuff, you know, clear bathtub juice.” —Tracy

++ Criss: “Jeez, I feel like we’re at a deli.”
Lemon: “Deli? Save it for the honeymoon.”

++ “It’s not the most important day of my life. Getting my show picked up, or meeting you, or the time I got a sleeve of Starbursts with all pink—those were all more important days.” —Liz, on days more important than her wedding

++ Liz: “Ergo, it couldn’t matter.”
Dennis: “Ergo. Affleck’s finnaly going to get that Oscar.”

++ “You wish, pal!” —a phrase coined by Jack in 1985

++ Bonus moment: Liz’s epic slow motion eye roll

Was Lemon’s wedding everything you’d hoped it would be? Are you glad she married Criss? What was your favorite line from the episode? Sound off in the comments. Meanwhile, I’ll be wishing that I have a special day that includes an entire sleeve of pink Starbursts.

Breia on Twitter

Read More:
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’30 Rock’: The best lines from ‘There’s No I In America’
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