Elsewhere, Schmidt was still entangled in his contractual-and-consensual S&M relationship with his boss Emma (Carla Gugino). Then again, unless space travel metaphors are part of the new BDSM catalog, most of the S consisted of her making hurtful comments post-coitus about his sexual skillz. (Momentary digression: Did anyone else see the super-rugged and -hot picture of Schmidt behind his bed? Just me?) Taking the “world-shattering” critiques in stride, Schmidt sought out a professional opinion. No, this did not turn into The Schmessions. He booked an appointment with Sadie to make sure he was doing it right, so to speak. As he regaled her with a step-by-step description of his technique (full transcript of Max Greenfield’s masterful delivery in Dotables), she became so titillated she had to qualify, “It’s the baby hormones. They are not as gay as me.”
Realizing he wasn’t the problem, Schmidt indulged Emma’s “most secret fantasy,” which involved a lot of body bedazzling and feathers (see why in Dotables). But that, too, was a bust. Silver lining: They shared a simultaneous… catharsis. Emma realized she needed to have feelings for her sexual partner. Schmidt learned he had had real feelings for Cece — he was in love with her. (Though, if that wasn’t already obvious to him, then he’s more of a douchebag then I gave him credit for.) Their parting was a genuinely touching moment as he gave her a pep talk and sent her back out into the dating world. Of course he did ask first, “How am I going to get the feathers off?” Emma: “No idea.”
Wrapping it all up, while Winston read Z Is for Zombie, the other roommates gathered in Nick’s room — starting with an adorable moment when Jess dropped in and Nick said, “I knew you’d choose me to get you pregnant.” Jess: “Yep. Let’s go” as she lunged in. Of course, they both bounced back at the last moment, laughing. (At us? For our foolish hope? Damn you, New Girl, you tease!) Then Schmidt arrived to bemoan the “news” that he was/is in love with Cece. (“I can’t believe I have to have feelings to have good sex! I was hoping I’d be dead before this happened.”) Before the roommates could solve this real-life love pickle, Winston emerged. He was aghast at Nick’s truly terrible novel — a novel, by the way, that included a word search with no words – not least of which for the 38 different misspellings of the word rhythm. Regardless, Winston was proud that Nick had finished something. So was Schmidt, who urged Schmidt to “read it out loud.” Jess joined in on the chant, and Nick said under his breath, “This… might be humiliating.” Which brings us to…
NEXT: Nick’s novel
