We go all in on Guy's American Kitchen & Bar, so you don't have to! -- VIDEO

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Denise: I didn’t have any of the burger. But you couldn’t taste the donkey sauce?
Erin: There wasn’t anything different about that burger than a regular burger with the typical toppings on it. But I also scraped off some lettuce/cheese (because I’m the world’s pickiest eater?) so maybe I lost some donkey sauce in the process. We can’t know for sure! The burger, however, was much better than the mac & cheese, which was my least favorite dish of the night.
Denise: That tasted like cardboard
Erin: It should have been called Mac & No Cheese or Bacon (which was promised).
Denise: It looked like it had the Kraft macaroni powdered cheese sprinkled on top
Erin: It tasted like nothing. Like, boiled noodles, with a crusty top layer.
Denise: I found a bite of chicken in there.
Erin: I had three not-impressive bites.
Denise: So I ordered the General Tso’s Pork Shank…
Erin: SO BIG!
Denise: As I said last night, it tasted like Chinese food you’d get at the mall.
Erin: Yes! Again, if you know you’re ordering Chinese at the mall, it’s fine.
Denise: Definitely edible.
Erin: Yes, but when you’re expecting more. Oh, we also ordered garlic-y fries. At the risk of being contrarian, they were too garlic-y.
Denise: I didn’t think they were garlic-y enough!
Erin: Conflict! Agree to disagree — we probably ate from opposite sides of the plate.
Denise: Fair enough!
Denise: You know what I did like?
Erin: All of your drinks?
Denise: What drinks? You mean the soda I ordered?
Erin: Yep! Okay, seriously, what did you like?
Denise: The desserts!
Erin: OOH, I FORGOT ABOUT THOSE UNTIL RIGHT NOW.
Denise: We had the fried ice cream and the ice cream pie.
Erin: They were delish! The ice cream pie was what I call grasshopper pie (anyone?), but it was mint chocolate chip ice cream on an oreo crust, and we inhaled it.
Denise: I’ve heard of grasshopper pie.
Erin: And the fried ice cream, while pretty standard, was a nice treat — and more flavorful than our entrees.
Denise: It’s hard to f— up ice cream.
Erin: Truth bomb.
Denise: Oh, I forgot the best part! I was so upset when I tried to order the watermelon margarita, which the New York Times review said “tastes like some combination of radiator fluid and formaldehyde,” only to find out that they had already taken it off the menu.
Erin: And the waiter said you weren’t the only one who tried to order it that evening!
Denise: Overall impressions?
Erin: The food had Times Square prices: I would be a lot more forgiving if this stuff was served up at a dive bar at 2 a..m when I’m drunk.
Denise: Agreed. It’s not even close to being worth the money. Would you go back again?
Erin: You mean for a third time? No, because what I enjoyed was the burger, and I can get that literally anywhere. Would you?
Denise: Not even if I were paid to, which was how I got there in the first place.

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