Oh, I just love when art imitates life. Especially when 30 Rock is the one doing the imitating. In “Governor Dunston,” 30 Rock took on the current political landscape a mere hour before the live vice presidential debate. In the fictionalized version of America, Mitt Romney lost his running mate, Paul Ryan, and replaced him with Governor Bob Dunston—the spitting image of TGS star Tracy Jordan.
Gov. Dunston spewed a wealth of ridiculousness that made him writing gold for TGS. But since Jack was busy with his secret plan to tank NBC, all political satire was off the table for Liz and her writers. He made her promise she wouldn’t write any sketches about Dunston. And she didn’t break that promise when she used only Gov. Dunston’s direct quotes. Tracy as Gov. Dunston was an immediate hit, boosting TGS‘ ratings and un-terriblizing the network. And as such, the network execs decided to air TGS five nights a week. But this put both Jack and Liz in a win/lose situation.
Cooter Burger (Matthew Broderick) returned to tell Jack that TGS was actually helping the Republican party by making Dunston more likable. So if Jack continued to run the political sketches, he’d help his beloved Republican party, but potentially damage his career. And if Liz dropped the sketches she’d help the Obama campaign, but lose her perfectly organized sex life.
Speaking of Liz’ sex life, she and Criss (a.k.a. Elf Prince) were still working on the intricacies of their baby making. Criss had been tracking her cycle and trying to make their sex life more fun. But true to Liz Lemon form, she was pretty much grossed out by the whole process. But then Lemon discovered the missing ingredient for her sex life: organization! Just throw a spreadsheet into the mix, and Liz becomes a sex fiend. Who knew?
And while Jenna was lamenting the failure of her latest single, “Balls,” Kenneth was entertaining his mom, Pearline (Catherine O’Hara), and her “friend” Ron (Bryan Cranston). Kenneth was very disappointed when he learned his mother and Ron had actually tied the knot seven years earlier. But when Jenna made fun of Ronald McDonald—yup, that’s his name—Kenneth learned a valuable lesson about family: Family are the people you bad mouth all the time behind their back. But you definitely don’t let other people do it.
And now for the 10 best lines and exchanges from “Governor Dunston”:
++ “She answers yes or no questions by eating either an apple for ‘yes’ or a carrot for ‘no.’ If she eats both, that means life is full of unknowable grey areas.” —Jack (Major comedy points for Jack Skyping with Ann Romney’s horse, Rafalca!)
++ “Thanks to Al Gore’s stupid Internet, people can just get music for free.” —Tracy
++ “In the office…It’s like I’m Don Draper and your Megan. Okay, you’re Don Draper. No. You’re Glen, and I’m Sally.” —Liz, contemplating sex in the office
++ “Everyone’s talking about how much he looks like Tracy. NBC.com had over 100 hits today!” —Lemon
++ “This is not about politics, Lemon. In order to save this network I have to destroy it. Just like BP did when the heroically tried to lubricate the Gulf of Mexico.” —Jack
Liz: “What makes you think my last period started on the 29th?”
Criss: ”You kept saying your Aunt Flow was in town.”
Liz: “She was. Remember?! I took her to MOMA and the Cloisters.”
Criss: “I assumed those were all vaginal euphemisms.”
Liz: “Great! So we had sex for no reason! No reason at all!”
++ “Say goodbye to your free time. Did you hear that? That’s the sound of Honey Boo Boo‘s piling up on your TiVo!” —Jack
++ “He’s always been a special boy. I remember the day he was born. He looked up at me and said, ‘Momma, I am not a person. My body’s just a flesh vessel for an immortal being whose name if you heard it would make you lose your mind.’” —Pearline
Pearline: “Jenna, could we trouble you for some advice?”
Jenna: “Yes. If you’re only in New York for few days, find a way to see Amar’e Stoudemire’s penis. It’s worth it.”
“Do you remember that kid in school who bullied you? Well I ate that goat.” —Pearline (If you didn’t get that one, read it again)
’30 Rock’: Jack and Liz ‘tank’ the season 7 premiere
’30 Rock’ A to Z
’30 Rock’ returns tonight: Sex! Ann Romney’s Horse! And… Voltron? A preview of the sitcom’s last season
Alec Baldwin says he offered to cut his salary for more ’30 Rock’