I can’t believe I watched it either! I’d like to thank the following five forces of nature for making my first prime time RNC viewing experience such a pleasure.
1. Mitt’s Body Man: This is the genius name of Mitt Romney’s personal aide’s Twitter account. The guy keeps posting pic after pic of Romney doing human-like activities like watching TV, and of the happy Happy Days couple settling down in their sexy hotel room. But I’m mostly excited by the name.
2. Erin Burnett: The third Deschanel sister is a complete delight, able to voice everything CNN viewers are feeling with just her face! I like how she’s constantly tweeting on her smartphone and can barely be bothered to look up. (Along with Wolf.)
3. Ann Romney: I was chatting with EW blogger and 3 Doors Down reject Darren Franich throughout her speech, and we agreed that she was very compelling. Darren had her pegged — “What if Felicity Huffman were also the perfect mom?” — while I detected some Hope Davis-esque facial angles. We agreed that the Hope Davis similarities ended at the eyes, because while Hope Davis has those kind of yearning eyes that seem so world-weary and yet also naive, like she’s hoping to see something that will prove her cynicism wrong, Ann Romney has clearly not had a moment of self-doubt since the early 1970s.
We also pegged Chris Christie as a humor-challenged Jeff Garlin, but we hope Jeff Garlin never finds this by googling himself because we really, really love Jeff Garlin. Jeff Garlin for president.
4. Chris Christie’s intro: The bold rainbow gradient and huge postcard did a great job of reminding everyone how utterly fabulous New Jersey is.
5. This guy: He looks like he’s been through a lot. I’m also referring to the weirdo behind him who was ultra-camera-ready with that toothless grin. Anyone know what’s going on with the Minnie Mouse ear on the right? I’d actually rather be left in the dark, so please don’t tell.
Did you tune in? Who won the night, visually speaking? And who would play Ann Romney?