Women’s 200m Dash: Speaking of hair, this year’s U.S. gymnasts have nothing on the original scrunchie fiend, Jackie Joyner-Kersee. At least hers makes sense in this setting, the halcyon days of the mid-’90s.
We saw Jackie and her coach/husband, Bob Kersee, because Bob now coaches the new Olympic champion in the 200 meters: Allyson Felix!
“AFTER BEING A BRIDESMAID FOR THE LAST TWO OLYMPICS, Allyson Felix will be throwing the flowers tonight!” bellowed a commentator. Wheeeeee! Weddings! Allow me to translate: Felix had been edged out twice in this event, “her baby,” by Jamaica’s Veronica Campbell Brown. Brown finished fourth this time, behind double-hyphen Jamaican Shelly-Ann Fraser-Pryce (the one with all the ribbons) and the U.S.’s Carmelita Jeter (short hair, completely insane abs).
I’ve become obsessed with all of these women — these perfect, aspirational female specimens — and am already dreading the idea of losing them and having to watch normal TV again. Don’t run away, ladies! I just opened another barrel of Trader Joe’s mini peanut butter cups!
Felix “ran the race necessary” in Lane 7, so I guess that means she could have gone even faster. Whatever! Johnson asked Felix, who plans to become an elementary school teacher like her mom, what she would tell her students about competing. “It’s a journey. It’s never easy. Tons of hardships along the way. But you just can’t give up and lose sight of your dream.” Damn, girl. Can I travel back in time and join your class? Things could’ve turned out so much differently for me. I could’ve made it over those hurdles.
I’d totally forgotten that Bob Kersee was such a living product placement in ’96. He’s lovin’ it like some McDonald’s chicken selects up there. It hadn’t occurred to me before, but London has been delightfully logo-free, right?
Men’s 200M Dash: We saw the semifinals. Wallace Spearmon, Jr. will be the only American to face off against Usain Bolt, Yohan Blake and Warren Weir of Jamaica in Thursday’s final.
Women’s Long Jump: Janay DeLoach (pictured, below left) won bronze by one centimeter, while Brittney Reese (right) fought back after a disappointing fifth place finish in Beijing to win GOLD this time around. I’m really digging this event. For one thing, I’m learning a lot: If you put your head down early, it makes your legs come down early. Also, the sport is quite leisurely if you’re the best long jumper around. You jump for your life, set the gold standard, and then get to just bundle up and hang out while everyone else flails around trying to scoot their butts over your line in the sand. Fun! I love doing nothing.
“Okay, ladies, where’s that Olympic smile?” Lewis Johnson asked. And they LOVED it!
Which brings us to……
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