It’s common knowledge that Disney has set an unrealistically high standard for love. (Guys, you might as well give up now if you don’t wear epaulets and dress like a medieval socialite). But did you know that Disney has also set an unrealistically high standard for beauty!? Of course you did. Because girls who aren’t perfectly coiffed princesses will never know happiness, obviously, unless they match the unrealistic hotness of the girls in this new photo series featuring Disney’s would-be royalty in real life.
I present to you, PopWatchers, an amalgamation of various Disney princess representations from all over the kingdom (read: the Internet). Across the realm, people are lambasting these same characters that simultaneously entertain and infuriate (like that pretty girl in high school who you loved and hated, or that sandwich that’s equal parts delicious and deceptively fattening). Whether you love or loathe them, I promise that this list will challenge what you thought you thought about Disney’s most famous broads:
Princesses be real, yo.
Bare midriffs and perfect bone structure are never a bad thing, especially when they’re attached to regal hotties. Photographer Ryan Astemendi assembled a series of Disney lookalikes to re-create the princesses in real life — and the results are flawless (and only moderately objectifying).
In this inventive web series, four of Disney’s finest must learn to survive in Los Angeles after being booted from the Magic Kingdom. It’s only one episode in, but a foul-mouthed Little Mermaid is offensive enough to earn this newbie short a spot on the list. Consider this sample line from Rapunzel to Ariel: “When you get your period, is it like caviar?” (Warning: NSFW language!)
Hipster Ariel made a big splash in the meme universe (pun intended), so extending the chunky black glasses to the rest of the kingdom was the logical next step. This collection of hip, fair-trade, free-range Disney princesses (and princes) will make you laugh out loud. Ironically.
Photographer Dina Goldstein debuted this series a couple years ago, but it’s still just as fascinating today. Instead of the usual “happily ever after,” Goldstein replaced each girl’s ending with a more realistic and socially relevant issue. Rapunzel’s in chemo, Jasmine’s packing heat, and Pocahontas is a crazy cat lady (although that one’s not quite as socially pertinent).
The Real Housewives of Disney
The list wouldn’t be complete if I didn’t include one of SNL’s biggest hits this season: the “Real Housewives of Disney” sketch, which featured Kristen Wiig and Lindsay Lohan in a send-up of the Real Housewives franchise. It turns out that marriages are just as effed-up in the Magic Kingdom as they are in Beverly Hills.
PopWatchers, what reinterpretations of Disney did I miss? Let me know in the comments!
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