Remember when Google announced that they had a super-top-secret technology laboratory that was going to finally invent the exciting future promised to us by Back to the Future Part II, as opposed to the annoyingly smartphone-infested Philip K. Dick-esque future we currently inhabit? Well, the company has finally started to follow through on the promise of Google X, thanks to a just-revealed piece of juicy tech couture. “Project Glass,” aka “The Google Glasses,” which looks like a fashion-forward version of Geordi La Forge’s visor and allows the user to view the world in RoboCop Vision. Using an Augmented Reality system, the glasses basically appear to function as a smartphone-free smartphone. The company just posted a demo video which shows all the fun things you can do with Google Glasses: Receive email, make phone calls, check in to food trucks, take pictures, agree to meet your weird friend Paul at the bookstore, loudly yell out “Where is the music section!?” in the middle of said bookstore, and keep track of exactly how far away from the bookstore Paul is while you’re presumably planning to strangle him or something.
You can even serenade your long-distance honey with a sunset ukulele session! In short, every single douchebag you know will be rocking the Google Glasses in about two minutes. Unfortunately for them, Project Glass is nowhere near completion. But it seems like Google is positioning the glasses as a potential gamechanging consumer product. Could be interesting, if the company can actually make the voice-recog software actually work — and by work, I mean “work all the time,” not “work only when you speak with perfect diction and you’re in a quiet soundproof room.” (Looking at you, Siri and Kinect.)
Obviously, this represents just one more step towards the Existential Singularity point, the moment when our society will just agree to start perceiving actual reality as one more virtual reality, BWWAHHHHHH. And, as Gawker points out, the glasses will continue our generation’s happy march towards Orwellian dystopia: Google won’t just know where you are, they’ll know exactly what you’re seeing at all times. But there’s an easy counterargument to those extremely salient points, and that counterargument is: RoboCop Vision. The end.
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Google has a top-secret laboratory that is inventing the cool future movies promised us
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