The producers of Dancing With the Stars have been thwarted in their reported efforts to draft ostensible reality TV stars — okay, former Republican presidential candidates — Herman Cain and Michele Bachmann for the next season of their show. Yesterday, Cain’s executive assistant reportedly told the Atlanta Journal Constitution that the pizza godfather and Tea Party favorite wouldn’t do it because he “can’t dance in an eight-count. He can only dance in a nine-count.” And just today, Bachmann tweeted and released a statement taking her feather boa out of the ring, “In full disclosure, I did win a polka dancing competition when I was in the tenth grade at my alma mater, Anoka High School in Anoka, Minn. But, despite my tenth grade polka success and my lifelong love of ballroom dancing, the recent rumors are false. I will not be joining Dancing With the Stars.”
The producers of DWTS might be disappointed by the rejections, panicked even. They have only two more weeks before the new cast will be announced. But I come with good news. Cain and Bachmann’s rejection is the best thing that could’ve happened to the show. I have two words for you, DWTS. Lean in close…
That’s right, Tim Pawlenty. Sure, you weren’t necessarily sold on the former Minnesota governor’s extremely moderate political platform during his short-lived campaign for the Republican nomination, but there was no denying T-Paw’s charisma. I mean, just watch these three young ladies hanging on his every word as he weighs in on Lady Gaga.
Yowza. You’re welcome.
Pawlenty was not a good Republican candidate for 2012 — he made the mistake of being reasonable and his ideas were weighed down by their stubborn acknowledgment of “reality.” But little-known fact, the man can flat-out dance. He’s handsome, graceful, and athletic, though he doesn’t like to show off — most viewers didn’t even notice him doing the Robot during the first debate. He might not have Tom DeLay’s swivel hips or Tucker Carlson’s bow tie, but T-Paw can sizzle on the dance floor. He’d be embarrassed that I’m campaigning for him for DWTS, but the show simply needs him. Heck, America needs him… to dance. T-PAW FOR DWTS!*
(*Tim Pawlenty does not necessarily approve this message… but he should because he’s got the tidal rhythm of a thousand lakes.)